When I was younger, my mother used to compare me to other children my own age. She would compare me to the well behaved boy next door who would never wonder around the streets like I did with my girlfriends. She would compare me to my cousins who could already speak 2 more languages than me because they were born in the USA and raised in Italy. She would tell me things like: "your cousins are smart and they already speak two foreign languages. So you better step up and have good results at school". Or she would say "why can't you be more like the neighbor's son. He is so well behaved". I hated the fact that she had to compare me to others to make me see that I could do better or be better. I understood that she wanted the best for me. However, it is not fair to compare people who have different background and going on different paths. I swear that I would never do that to my children.
Unfortunately, I see myself comparing my children, to one another at first, and to other children as well.
When my first son was born, I did not immediately started to compare him. But as he grew I had to. At first, he was being compared to other babies his age at every doctor's visit. His pediatrician would tell us that he was on the 90% percentile concerning his weight, meaning he was doing fairly well compared to kids his age. At home, I remembered being worried that he did not smile at 6 weeks like babies were supposed to do. I overstressed about it to finally give up. Baby Boy smiled on his own time. Actually he did everything on his own time: he sat at 6 months, crawled at 9 months and starting walking at 12 months and 5 days.
With the birth of my second son, I realized that I spend most of my time comparing him to his big brother. I would often say to my husband phrases like these: " Baby Boy did not smile as much as Lion Prince" or " Lion Prince is quieter than Baby Boy". It is becoming a constant thing. Actually I went so far as to use it as a technique to discipline my first son. For example, when he screams, I would tell him: "You are being a bad boy. Did you hear your younger brother screams? He is a baby and he behaves better than you do". It usually has the desired effect: my first son would stop his inappropriate behavior. Yet, there is a ping of guiltiness that settles in my heart for uttering those words.
As much as I hate becoming my mother and comparing my children, I would have to make peace with it because it is just human to compare. It can be also a bit fun to just notice the differences in behavior between my two sons. For example, lately I have noticed that Little Prince is feistier than Baby Boy although he is younger. As long as it stays fun and does not turn into "baby bashing", I am cool with that. I will have to be careful in the future not to openly compare them. I would not want any of my sons to develop self esteem issues just because I said something. That would be the real tragedy.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, October 02, 2009
Postpartum Evil
On June 20, 2001, a Houston woman named Andrea Yates killed her five children,aged
7,6,4,2 and 7 months drowning them in her bathtub. The woman claimed that she had Satan inside of her and she had killed her children to save them from damnation. She was first sentenced to life in prison at her first trial. But due to technicalities,(among other a false testimony from experts) she was later found not guilty due to insanity at her appeal trial. She was committed to a state mental health hospital in Texas.
Andrea Yates suffered from postpartum depression and psychosis. Postpartum depression is a form of clinical depression that occurs often the first months after a woman gives birth. It is not very clear what causes the depression-some specialists attribute it to lack of vitamins, some other to change in hormones. Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. Other symptom may also include lack of interest in the baby. Postpartum depression is often treated with counseling or support groups. However, when the situation worsen, medications are being given to mothers in order for them to cope.
In the case of Andrea Yates, the postpartum turned into psychosis. She was having hallucinations, and tried several times to hurt herself and or the children. She was repeatedly committed for treatment but only for a short time.
I used to hear about Andrea Yates and wonder how can a mother do this to her own children. I looked at this woman sitting on a chair at her trial with no facial expressions whatsoever. I could not help but judge her to be true evil for drowning her five children and not even showing signs of remorse.
I did judge Andrea Yates but it was before I had children on my own. After giving birth to my first son I suffered from postpartum depression. It was never as bad as Andrea's case. I never needed medication or was committed. However there were times, when I thought that my life would be easier if I did not have this child with me. You have to understand that prior to having a baby, I was an independent person. I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. But, with a baby at home, I found myself committed to the life of a housewife. I was taking care of this baby 24/7 without hardly any help at all. My husband was there but he is a man, and there is so much he can do. I would spend my days confined at home, feeding , changing and bathing my little boy. I often caught myself being envious of these women who were going off to work, or were living the single life. I looked for jobs on the Internet even though I was sure that I could not get them. I try to uplift myself by watching TV and listening to music. But there was no hiding the fact that I was becoming moody and resented the baby and my husband for my situation.
Sometimes, due to lack of sleep, I would even have hallucinations in the middle of the night. Suddenly I would wake up and find my baby sleeping next to me. First, I would not understand why he would be on my bed because the last time I saw him, he was alseep in his one crib. Secondly, he would give me this devilish look like he was out to get me. I could not explain the feeling. I brush it off, reasoning that I was dreaming. But deep inside I knew I was not. When those episodes happen, I often turn away not to see the devil on my son's face. Or I am so tired that I fall fast asleep. I may not be inclined to murder but I can see how Andrea had those hallucinations that pushed her to kill her children.
Andrea was among the unlucky women who killed their children due to postpartum depression. Other unlucky ones choose to self medicate themselves to go through it. They turn to alcohol or drugs. And one day, they woke up being an addict.
I also judge those women, wondering how on earth someone who has a stable life, could fall so low. I was sure that it could not happen to me. First of all, I hate medicine. I often delay taking medications even if I am in such pain. However, I recently find myself contemplating self medication. My second son was barely 3 weeks old. He was very good, sleeping all day and waking up only twice at night. But for some reason, one night he decided to have a slumber party and kept me up until the morning. The following day, I had to do chores so I could not recuperate. My body was extremely sore. I was having pains on my neck and shoulders. The pain was so intense that I could not sleep at night. Therefore I decided to take some Vicodin (pain relief medicine) the doctor has prescribed at my discharge from the hospital. The drug did wonders; my body felt light and I immediately fell asleep. For three days in a row, I took the Vicodin, not because I was tired but because I realised that it uplifted me. After taking it, I was not feeling like some vampire has sucked the life out of me. Instead, I was rejuvenating and happy. I began to realise that it was how addiction started. You take one pill, then another, then another. And pretty soon you find yourself incapable of coping without the help of the pill. I thought I would never become a drug addict. Yet, there I was popping one Vicodin a day just to feel better. I quickly stopped myself. But the danger is still present because I have some pills left. Just last week, I was contemplating the idea of asking for a refill to my OBGYN. It is scary.
These episodes taught me two things:
1- Postpartum depression is a very serious illness that should not be ignored. I know that some people dismissed it lightly, mostly husbands and parents. They think that with time, it will go away, because they cannot accept that any woman can loose interest in her own baby. But it did not go away for Andrea. On the contrary, it became so bad that she felt she had to kill her own children.
2-Any person can become an addict. It does not only happen to celebrities or people coming from a dysfunctional family. It can also happen to me.
Motherhood is suppose to be a lovely time. But for some reasons, it can also turn into a time of doubt, pain, anxiety, and depression. If you are suffering from these symptoms after giving birth, you should seek help and counseling. There are several ways of coping with this disease. Find out what is best for you. As for myself, I realised that just admitting that there is a problem is an important step to curing oneself. So talk about it to your loved ones. (Or blog about it....believe me it is a huge help!)
For more info
about postpartum depression
http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/depression-pregnancy.cfm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression
about Andrea Yates
http://crime.about.com/od/current/p/andreayates.htm
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/women/andrea_yates/index.html
7,6,4,2 and 7 months drowning them in her bathtub. The woman claimed that she had Satan inside of her and she had killed her children to save them from damnation. She was first sentenced to life in prison at her first trial. But due to technicalities,(among other a false testimony from experts) she was later found not guilty due to insanity at her appeal trial. She was committed to a state mental health hospital in Texas.
Andrea Yates suffered from postpartum depression and psychosis. Postpartum depression is a form of clinical depression that occurs often the first months after a woman gives birth. It is not very clear what causes the depression-some specialists attribute it to lack of vitamins, some other to change in hormones. Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, insomnia, appetite changes, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. Other symptom may also include lack of interest in the baby. Postpartum depression is often treated with counseling or support groups. However, when the situation worsen, medications are being given to mothers in order for them to cope.
In the case of Andrea Yates, the postpartum turned into psychosis. She was having hallucinations, and tried several times to hurt herself and or the children. She was repeatedly committed for treatment but only for a short time.
I used to hear about Andrea Yates and wonder how can a mother do this to her own children. I looked at this woman sitting on a chair at her trial with no facial expressions whatsoever. I could not help but judge her to be true evil for drowning her five children and not even showing signs of remorse.
I did judge Andrea Yates but it was before I had children on my own. After giving birth to my first son I suffered from postpartum depression. It was never as bad as Andrea's case. I never needed medication or was committed. However there were times, when I thought that my life would be easier if I did not have this child with me. You have to understand that prior to having a baby, I was an independent person. I did what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it. But, with a baby at home, I found myself committed to the life of a housewife. I was taking care of this baby 24/7 without hardly any help at all. My husband was there but he is a man, and there is so much he can do. I would spend my days confined at home, feeding , changing and bathing my little boy. I often caught myself being envious of these women who were going off to work, or were living the single life. I looked for jobs on the Internet even though I was sure that I could not get them. I try to uplift myself by watching TV and listening to music. But there was no hiding the fact that I was becoming moody and resented the baby and my husband for my situation.
Sometimes, due to lack of sleep, I would even have hallucinations in the middle of the night. Suddenly I would wake up and find my baby sleeping next to me. First, I would not understand why he would be on my bed because the last time I saw him, he was alseep in his one crib. Secondly, he would give me this devilish look like he was out to get me. I could not explain the feeling. I brush it off, reasoning that I was dreaming. But deep inside I knew I was not. When those episodes happen, I often turn away not to see the devil on my son's face. Or I am so tired that I fall fast asleep. I may not be inclined to murder but I can see how Andrea had those hallucinations that pushed her to kill her children.
Andrea was among the unlucky women who killed their children due to postpartum depression. Other unlucky ones choose to self medicate themselves to go through it. They turn to alcohol or drugs. And one day, they woke up being an addict.
I also judge those women, wondering how on earth someone who has a stable life, could fall so low. I was sure that it could not happen to me. First of all, I hate medicine. I often delay taking medications even if I am in such pain. However, I recently find myself contemplating self medication. My second son was barely 3 weeks old. He was very good, sleeping all day and waking up only twice at night. But for some reason, one night he decided to have a slumber party and kept me up until the morning. The following day, I had to do chores so I could not recuperate. My body was extremely sore. I was having pains on my neck and shoulders. The pain was so intense that I could not sleep at night. Therefore I decided to take some Vicodin (pain relief medicine) the doctor has prescribed at my discharge from the hospital. The drug did wonders; my body felt light and I immediately fell asleep. For three days in a row, I took the Vicodin, not because I was tired but because I realised that it uplifted me. After taking it, I was not feeling like some vampire has sucked the life out of me. Instead, I was rejuvenating and happy. I began to realise that it was how addiction started. You take one pill, then another, then another. And pretty soon you find yourself incapable of coping without the help of the pill. I thought I would never become a drug addict. Yet, there I was popping one Vicodin a day just to feel better. I quickly stopped myself. But the danger is still present because I have some pills left. Just last week, I was contemplating the idea of asking for a refill to my OBGYN. It is scary.
These episodes taught me two things:
1- Postpartum depression is a very serious illness that should not be ignored. I know that some people dismissed it lightly, mostly husbands and parents. They think that with time, it will go away, because they cannot accept that any woman can loose interest in her own baby. But it did not go away for Andrea. On the contrary, it became so bad that she felt she had to kill her own children.
2-Any person can become an addict. It does not only happen to celebrities or people coming from a dysfunctional family. It can also happen to me.
Motherhood is suppose to be a lovely time. But for some reasons, it can also turn into a time of doubt, pain, anxiety, and depression. If you are suffering from these symptoms after giving birth, you should seek help and counseling. There are several ways of coping with this disease. Find out what is best for you. As for myself, I realised that just admitting that there is a problem is an important step to curing oneself. So talk about it to your loved ones. (Or blog about it....believe me it is a huge help!)
For more info
about postpartum depression
http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/depression-pregnancy.cfm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression
about Andrea Yates
http://crime.about.com/od/current/p/andreayates.htm
http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/women/andrea_yates/index.html
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Switched Embryos, Torn Lives
Returning from a 3 months "vacation" back home, I had to catch up on all my shows. I had missed all the major season finales, and I desperately logged on online to check them out. There I was, the last month of my pregnancy, watching my favorite dramas online in the middle of the night. One of my all time favorite show: Private Practice had an extremely dramatic story line for the season finale. If you do not know, Private Practice is a spin off Grey's Anatomy. And in this show, doctors specialising in pediatrics, psychology, general medicine and fertility share a practice in LA. On the season finale, among other big issues, we find out that the fertility specialist switched embryos. She implemented one client's embryo into another woman and vice versa. The women were carrying each other children. No big deal, I thought at the beginning: they would just have to go on with the pregnancy and switch babies once they were born. But of course, knowing the show, I was sure that it would not be that easy; one of the women did not want to keep the baby, because she wanted to feel the pleasure of carrying her own child. Of course, at the end, after endless counseling, both ladies decided to go on with their pregnancies and switch the babies after their births. As always I was touched by this episode. I could not even begin to consider what I would do if I were in those women's shoes.
Today, as I was watching the news, I found out about a lady-Carolyn Savage who had someone else's embryo implemented in her. Usually, it is art imitating life, but here we had a case of life imitating art. However, this case is even worse because unlike the show, only Carolyn found herself pregnant. The woman who owned the eggs is not.
Carolyn Savage and her family have decided to go through with the pregnancy. After delivering, she will give the baby to the biological parents, knowing that she cannot legally have custody. However, she says that she will always feel connected to this child and hope to become part of his life.
As a person who just delivered her second child recently, I cannot imagine what pain Carolyn will be in, once she sees that human life that was growing inside of her, being swept away and given to some other family. I hope she is strong enough not to have a meltdown. I know I would have freaked if I were at her place. Whether she liked it or not, during all the months of her pregnancy, a bond was created between her and the baby she is carrying. And it will be hard for her to severe this relationship. I can already imagine her having a severe case of postpartum depression.
In today's world, more and more people are challenged when it comes to conceiving children naturally. And more and more of them turn to fertility clinics to conceive naturally. It is time and money consuming to go through a fertility clinic. And from what I learned, it also takes an emotional toll on those people. Therefore, it is the doctor's duty to make sure that mistakes such as this one do not happen.
Error is human. Doctors are human and we cannot expect them to be perfect all the time. They are not GOD, even though in a way they are playing being GOD. I do not want to enter into a debate about whether or not it is morally wrong for doctors to implant embryos in women. I think that it is hard for any woman who has a dream of having children, to be told that she may be challenged. And I guess, any determined woman would do anything (within the law) to get pregnant. I sincerely cannot blame her. Yet, there are obstacles that she may face when she chose to take this path. And this case proves it. Therefore, she should be emotionally prepare to deal with the worse case scenario.
What is in the future of Carolyn Savage? Only GOD knows. I just hope that she has a safe delivery, and that her family and the unborn baby's family together find a solution to this issue that will be good for all of them.
Check out the first part of Private Practice season finale (when both ladies discovered that their embryos had been switched)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SIfw-C0iKE&feature=related
For more info about Private Practice, go to http://abc.go.com/shows/private-practice
Read the article about Carolyn Savage's story
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/22/wrong.embryo.family/index.html
Today, as I was watching the news, I found out about a lady-Carolyn Savage who had someone else's embryo implemented in her. Usually, it is art imitating life, but here we had a case of life imitating art. However, this case is even worse because unlike the show, only Carolyn found herself pregnant. The woman who owned the eggs is not.
Carolyn Savage and her family have decided to go through with the pregnancy. After delivering, she will give the baby to the biological parents, knowing that she cannot legally have custody. However, she says that she will always feel connected to this child and hope to become part of his life.
As a person who just delivered her second child recently, I cannot imagine what pain Carolyn will be in, once she sees that human life that was growing inside of her, being swept away and given to some other family. I hope she is strong enough not to have a meltdown. I know I would have freaked if I were at her place. Whether she liked it or not, during all the months of her pregnancy, a bond was created between her and the baby she is carrying. And it will be hard for her to severe this relationship. I can already imagine her having a severe case of postpartum depression.
In today's world, more and more people are challenged when it comes to conceiving children naturally. And more and more of them turn to fertility clinics to conceive naturally. It is time and money consuming to go through a fertility clinic. And from what I learned, it also takes an emotional toll on those people. Therefore, it is the doctor's duty to make sure that mistakes such as this one do not happen.
Error is human. Doctors are human and we cannot expect them to be perfect all the time. They are not GOD, even though in a way they are playing being GOD. I do not want to enter into a debate about whether or not it is morally wrong for doctors to implant embryos in women. I think that it is hard for any woman who has a dream of having children, to be told that she may be challenged. And I guess, any determined woman would do anything (within the law) to get pregnant. I sincerely cannot blame her. Yet, there are obstacles that she may face when she chose to take this path. And this case proves it. Therefore, she should be emotionally prepare to deal with the worse case scenario.
What is in the future of Carolyn Savage? Only GOD knows. I just hope that she has a safe delivery, and that her family and the unborn baby's family together find a solution to this issue that will be good for all of them.
Check out the first part of Private Practice season finale (when both ladies discovered that their embryos had been switched)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SIfw-C0iKE&feature=related
For more info about Private Practice, go to http://abc.go.com/shows/private-practice
Read the article about Carolyn Savage's story
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/22/wrong.embryo.family/index.html
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Frugal Shopping
Since my first child was born, my husband used to buy him clothes. Whenever I felt that my boy needed some new clothes, I would tell my hubby and we would both go shopping usually at Ross (my favorite shop in the entire world, where you get designer clothes for less). When I started working and making my own money, I would not wait for my husband. I would hop into my car and get to shop either at Ross, Walmart, Target or Old Navy for some nice clothes.
Recently, I had to stop working and went back home during my second pregnancy. And for a while, my husband stayed in the US and took care of our son alone. Before they both left home for the States, I advised my husband that Little Prince would probably need some new clothes soon. Weeks later, I enquired of his shopping over the phone. I was surprised to discover that he had an entire new wardrobe for the rest of the summer and beginning of winter for Little Prince. I was even more surprised when he told me that he got everything at the nearest Goodwill Center.
For those who do not know what a Goodwill center is, let me explain. Goodwill is a charity based company. They have stores all over the country where you can donate items such as clothing, furniture, books. Those items are recycled and sold for a very affordable price. I discovered Goodwill at random. Being a constant shopper, I had accumulated clothes that I did not need anymore. Therefore I gave them away at the nearest Goodwill. But while I did that I also noticed that the shop itself offered some very interesting pieces. And ever since that day, I would stop by the Goodwill from time to time to check it out. I also introduced it to my husband who was thrilled at the idea of shopping for less.
My husband is not a frugal person. Yet he is not a big spender either. He uses his money wisely and buy things reasonably. I am a compulsive shopper myself. I usually buy things that I want instead of things that I need. Therefore I think we balance each other out. Nevertheless, I was surprised when he told me that for our second son he would not go shopping to places we have been in the past (Ross to mention a few). Instead, he would get him clothes at the Goodwill. I felt terrible. Not only was my second son going to wear the hand me downs of his brother, but he was not even going to get brand new clothes. I felt like we were robbing him of something special. I immediately starting to think about how he would feel in the future when he discovered that we did not spend as much on him as his older brother. That could cause serious self-esteem problem. That is why I rebelled against my husband, and went shopping at Walmart. (I would have gone to Ross or Target but since I do not have a car anymore, I am very limited. Besides, Walmart is just in front of our apartment complex) I bought my second son-BTW, I should find him a nickname since Little Prince and Baby Boy have been taken by my first child-
- 2 hooded towels with matching washcloths
- 2 nightgowns
- 1 Winnie the Pooh gift bag with a onesie, 2 receiving blankets, one changing pad, and a bag.
The whole thing cost me $40. As I checked out at the Walmart, I was hesitating between taking these clothes home or just returning them. But I finally decided to keep them. They were cute clothes and most importantly they were brand new.
The same week, my husband took me to his favorite Goodwill just to give me an idea of how many items we could get our second son for a very affordable price. We were just supposed to look but we both could not resist shopping. We found several good quality pieces for practically nothing. I am talking about brand clothes that would cost you a hand if you were to buy them at shops, such as the Children's place, or the Gap. After hours of checking them out, we finally limited ourselves to the following:
- 2 overalls
- 2 heavy receiving blankets
- 1 hooded towel
- 1 pullover
- 1 set of coat and pants
The whole thing cost us barely $16.
I could not help but regretting spending an entire $40 at the Walmart when my husband handed me the receipt of the Goodwill. For just $16 I had found really great pieces, some of them even brand new. Imagine what I could have done with $40?
The bottom line is that children (particularly babies) outgrow their clothes in seconds. Therefore, there is no need to buy a lot of expensive clothes that they just wear once or twice. And in this economy, shopping at recycling places such as the Goodwill is becoming our best ally. And I am not ashamed to say it. My sons are still having the best clothes, we are just paying less for them.
Info about Goodwill
http://www.goodwill.org/page/guest/about
Info about Ross
http://rossstores.com/
Recently, I had to stop working and went back home during my second pregnancy. And for a while, my husband stayed in the US and took care of our son alone. Before they both left home for the States, I advised my husband that Little Prince would probably need some new clothes soon. Weeks later, I enquired of his shopping over the phone. I was surprised to discover that he had an entire new wardrobe for the rest of the summer and beginning of winter for Little Prince. I was even more surprised when he told me that he got everything at the nearest Goodwill Center.
For those who do not know what a Goodwill center is, let me explain. Goodwill is a charity based company. They have stores all over the country where you can donate items such as clothing, furniture, books. Those items are recycled and sold for a very affordable price. I discovered Goodwill at random. Being a constant shopper, I had accumulated clothes that I did not need anymore. Therefore I gave them away at the nearest Goodwill. But while I did that I also noticed that the shop itself offered some very interesting pieces. And ever since that day, I would stop by the Goodwill from time to time to check it out. I also introduced it to my husband who was thrilled at the idea of shopping for less.
My husband is not a frugal person. Yet he is not a big spender either. He uses his money wisely and buy things reasonably. I am a compulsive shopper myself. I usually buy things that I want instead of things that I need. Therefore I think we balance each other out. Nevertheless, I was surprised when he told me that for our second son he would not go shopping to places we have been in the past (Ross to mention a few). Instead, he would get him clothes at the Goodwill. I felt terrible. Not only was my second son going to wear the hand me downs of his brother, but he was not even going to get brand new clothes. I felt like we were robbing him of something special. I immediately starting to think about how he would feel in the future when he discovered that we did not spend as much on him as his older brother. That could cause serious self-esteem problem. That is why I rebelled against my husband, and went shopping at Walmart. (I would have gone to Ross or Target but since I do not have a car anymore, I am very limited. Besides, Walmart is just in front of our apartment complex) I bought my second son-BTW, I should find him a nickname since Little Prince and Baby Boy have been taken by my first child-
- 2 hooded towels with matching washcloths
- 2 nightgowns
- 1 Winnie the Pooh gift bag with a onesie, 2 receiving blankets, one changing pad, and a bag.
The whole thing cost me $40. As I checked out at the Walmart, I was hesitating between taking these clothes home or just returning them. But I finally decided to keep them. They were cute clothes and most importantly they were brand new.
The same week, my husband took me to his favorite Goodwill just to give me an idea of how many items we could get our second son for a very affordable price. We were just supposed to look but we both could not resist shopping. We found several good quality pieces for practically nothing. I am talking about brand clothes that would cost you a hand if you were to buy them at shops, such as the Children's place, or the Gap. After hours of checking them out, we finally limited ourselves to the following:
- 2 overalls
- 2 heavy receiving blankets
- 1 hooded towel
- 1 pullover
- 1 set of coat and pants
The whole thing cost us barely $16.
I could not help but regretting spending an entire $40 at the Walmart when my husband handed me the receipt of the Goodwill. For just $16 I had found really great pieces, some of them even brand new. Imagine what I could have done with $40?
The bottom line is that children (particularly babies) outgrow their clothes in seconds. Therefore, there is no need to buy a lot of expensive clothes that they just wear once or twice. And in this economy, shopping at recycling places such as the Goodwill is becoming our best ally. And I am not ashamed to say it. My sons are still having the best clothes, we are just paying less for them.
Info about Goodwill
http://www.goodwill.org/page/guest/about
Info about Ross
http://rossstores.com/
Thursday, September 03, 2009
I am not Heidi Klum, yet I....
In 2006, Parenting Magazine in their yearly edition of Stinky Diaper Award (as the name say it all, they give stinky award-bad award to celebrities or people they believe had been bad parents or not supportive of pregnant women or mothers during the year)gave model Heidi Klum the Mutant Metabolism award for being able to strut her newly flat stomach and slimmed down body on the Victoria Secret catwalk barely 12 weeks after giving birth to her son.
Judge for yourself: before and after pictures of Heidi Klum
The magazine felt that it was nothing short of a miracle that Heidi Klum regained her model figure so fast.
Being a huge fan of Heidi Klum ( sometimes I wished I had her life: sexy hubby, fabulous career and wonderful kids, what more can you ask for?), I was a little put off by the article. The magazine was judging her for being superficial and sending the wrong message to normal mothers out there: to have to be back in shape just after giving birth. Yet, I understand that for Heidi Klum it is important to stay in shape to keep on being a model past her thirty years of age, to compete with the 12 years old that surface every year and want to take her place. Moreover, her body is her paycheck therefore she needs to be hot whether she had a baby or not. I am not mad at her for having this fabulous figure because I am sure she just killed herself working out, and cutting on food to be this gorgeous.
Celebrities like Heidi Klum are always pressured to look good at all times, even if they are pregnant. They represent a dream to normal people, and to keep this dream, they have to work hard to get back in shape after giving birth. Most of them do not really say that they workout and diet hard to get back in shape because they want people to still have the illusion that they are perfect. They all look gorgeous barely weeks after giving birth. They are putting the bar too high for us normal mothers who do not have personal trainers, personal chefs and nannies to help us out.
As far as I am concerned, I do not follow the celebrities. I understand that we are not the same so I cannot put myself on the same level and try to get back in shape barely weeks after I give birth. In fact, the first time I had a baby, I was so overwhelmed at how much work I had to put to take care of my child, that I did not think about getting back in shape. Before delivering, it occured to me that I probably would have to exercise once the baby is born, but I put this thought in the back of my mind as soon as the baby came. And something wonderful happened to me: I began to loose weight naturally. I did not work out, I did not diet. On the contrary, I was eating like crazy and not necessarily healthy food. And in less than 2 months, I was down to 4 dress sizes. My clothes were so baggy I had to buy new ones. And a week after purchasing a new fitted jean, it became too big for me to wear without a belt. My secret: I was breastfeeding. For 6 months, I exclusively breastfed my first son. Occasionally (particularly when we were out of the house), I would offer him a bottle of soy milk. But most of the time, he would feed off my breast. Each time a woman breastfeed, she looses 500 Cal; an average newborn will breastfeed 6 to 8 times a day, so do the maths. Ok! I will do it for you: you can loose 4000 Cal a day. Considering that a normal woman calorie intake per day is between 1500 to 2000Cal, you loose a lot if you do not eat more. I could not eat more than I was eating. Hell, at the rate I was eating, I consider myself a bulimic. At one point I was thinner than I have ever been in my life. I was so skinny that when I took a picture of myself and sent it to my mother, she burst into tears. She imagined that I was miserable. In fact I was so skinny that I have lost my signature butt. As far as I could remember, I was known as the butt just like Jlo. I hated it but I had learned to live with it (most of the time hiding it by wearing long tunics over jeans). But that butt of mine had disappeared and my hubby was not really happy about it.
Was in shape? I cannot tell. I know I did not have the abs of Heidi Klum. My stomach was not flat. I still had a little bulge down there but everywhere else I was growing small muscles. My arms were getting closer to Jennifer Anniston's for lifting my baby every day all the day. That was the only exercise that I had, and it was fine with me.
Was I happy about my new figure? I cannot say. I did love the fact that I was skinny enough to fit in size 6 jeans, but I did not have the luxury to go shopping for new clothes as often as I would like. I was a stay at home mother, therefore I did not need a new wardrobe. However, I did not like the pity look I received from family and friends who saw me after I lost so much weight. You have to understand that in my country gaining weight is synonymous of being happy and rich and loosing is equivalent to being depressed, miserable. In fact, they all thought that I was deeply overwhelmed and in need of help with my son.
Was I overwhelmed? Maybe. I remember spending my days, taking care of my son, watching TV, checking the Internet and waiting for hubby to come home to take me out. I was doing OK but maybe not as much as I thought. I wanted to work so badly and leave the nest. I realised that I did not like to be a housewife or stay at home mother. I wanted to work, wear corporate clothes, drive a car, have my own money and spend it the way I wanted. And when I realised that this dream of mine would not happen anytime soon, I became depressed and did not even noticed it. I guess the first sign was me shaving my head. I grew tired of my old tresses and shaved the whole thing. The new hairstyle was easy to maintain and in a way cute. And I had a wig to cover it all when I felt it necessary. Overall, I guess I was depressed but I was also in severe denial. You have to understand that I bear it upon myself to take care of my son all alone, and to cry out for help would be an equivalent of saying that I was a failure as a new mother.
But to come back to our subject: I was happy to discover that I did not need to work out like Heidi to get back in shape. Breastfeeding save me. Yet the only problem with it is that as soon as I weaned the baby I gained all the pre-pregnancy weight back. Well it did not happen overnight. It took me 6 months to gain it all back and some more. Truly I think that weaning did not do it by itself. I also had change my lifestyle: I was working at a desk job now, driving and eating junk food all the time. So, it is understandable that I gained weight.
I hope that this time, breastfeeding would bring the same miracle to my body that it did the first time I gave birth. Because frankly I am tired enough taking care of my newborn and family to even think about working out. Eventually some day, when I find the energy and time, I would like to exercise (I may start with walking around my apartment complex) because as I am getting older, my body definitely needs a big boost. Moreover, it is important not to let myself go this time around. The first time I did it. Being a stay at home mother, I felt like I did not need to take care of myself and my relationship with my husband suffered (let us just stay that my shaved head was a big turnoff). This time around, I swear that even if I cannot get back in shape, I will try to at least be beautiful because after all, (they do not say it at loud for fear of being physically hurt)but men do like a little flower to look at once they arrive home from a long day at work (so cliche it makes me cringe). Nevertheless, I would be doing it for myself at first, because by looking pretty and pampering myself, I will feel good. And by feeling good, I can chase the blues and mood swings away. Being a mother does not mean that I have to become a slob. I owe it to myself to look and feel great. Maybe Heidi is getting back in shape for the fame and money, but deep down inside I reckon she also does it because she wants to feel great. So she does not deserve a stinky diaper for doing so.
Parenting Mgazine 2006 Stinky Diaper Award
http://www.parenting.com/gallery/Mom/Stinky-Diaper-Awards-2006-97054/5/4
Judge for yourself: before and after pictures of Heidi Klum
The magazine felt that it was nothing short of a miracle that Heidi Klum regained her model figure so fast.
Being a huge fan of Heidi Klum ( sometimes I wished I had her life: sexy hubby, fabulous career and wonderful kids, what more can you ask for?), I was a little put off by the article. The magazine was judging her for being superficial and sending the wrong message to normal mothers out there: to have to be back in shape just after giving birth. Yet, I understand that for Heidi Klum it is important to stay in shape to keep on being a model past her thirty years of age, to compete with the 12 years old that surface every year and want to take her place. Moreover, her body is her paycheck therefore she needs to be hot whether she had a baby or not. I am not mad at her for having this fabulous figure because I am sure she just killed herself working out, and cutting on food to be this gorgeous.
Celebrities like Heidi Klum are always pressured to look good at all times, even if they are pregnant. They represent a dream to normal people, and to keep this dream, they have to work hard to get back in shape after giving birth. Most of them do not really say that they workout and diet hard to get back in shape because they want people to still have the illusion that they are perfect. They all look gorgeous barely weeks after giving birth. They are putting the bar too high for us normal mothers who do not have personal trainers, personal chefs and nannies to help us out.
As far as I am concerned, I do not follow the celebrities. I understand that we are not the same so I cannot put myself on the same level and try to get back in shape barely weeks after I give birth. In fact, the first time I had a baby, I was so overwhelmed at how much work I had to put to take care of my child, that I did not think about getting back in shape. Before delivering, it occured to me that I probably would have to exercise once the baby is born, but I put this thought in the back of my mind as soon as the baby came. And something wonderful happened to me: I began to loose weight naturally. I did not work out, I did not diet. On the contrary, I was eating like crazy and not necessarily healthy food. And in less than 2 months, I was down to 4 dress sizes. My clothes were so baggy I had to buy new ones. And a week after purchasing a new fitted jean, it became too big for me to wear without a belt. My secret: I was breastfeeding. For 6 months, I exclusively breastfed my first son. Occasionally (particularly when we were out of the house), I would offer him a bottle of soy milk. But most of the time, he would feed off my breast. Each time a woman breastfeed, she looses 500 Cal; an average newborn will breastfeed 6 to 8 times a day, so do the maths. Ok! I will do it for you: you can loose 4000 Cal a day. Considering that a normal woman calorie intake per day is between 1500 to 2000Cal, you loose a lot if you do not eat more. I could not eat more than I was eating. Hell, at the rate I was eating, I consider myself a bulimic. At one point I was thinner than I have ever been in my life. I was so skinny that when I took a picture of myself and sent it to my mother, she burst into tears. She imagined that I was miserable. In fact I was so skinny that I have lost my signature butt. As far as I could remember, I was known as the butt just like Jlo. I hated it but I had learned to live with it (most of the time hiding it by wearing long tunics over jeans). But that butt of mine had disappeared and my hubby was not really happy about it.
Was in shape? I cannot tell. I know I did not have the abs of Heidi Klum. My stomach was not flat. I still had a little bulge down there but everywhere else I was growing small muscles. My arms were getting closer to Jennifer Anniston's for lifting my baby every day all the day. That was the only exercise that I had, and it was fine with me.
Was I happy about my new figure? I cannot say. I did love the fact that I was skinny enough to fit in size 6 jeans, but I did not have the luxury to go shopping for new clothes as often as I would like. I was a stay at home mother, therefore I did not need a new wardrobe. However, I did not like the pity look I received from family and friends who saw me after I lost so much weight. You have to understand that in my country gaining weight is synonymous of being happy and rich and loosing is equivalent to being depressed, miserable. In fact, they all thought that I was deeply overwhelmed and in need of help with my son.
Was I overwhelmed? Maybe. I remember spending my days, taking care of my son, watching TV, checking the Internet and waiting for hubby to come home to take me out. I was doing OK but maybe not as much as I thought. I wanted to work so badly and leave the nest. I realised that I did not like to be a housewife or stay at home mother. I wanted to work, wear corporate clothes, drive a car, have my own money and spend it the way I wanted. And when I realised that this dream of mine would not happen anytime soon, I became depressed and did not even noticed it. I guess the first sign was me shaving my head. I grew tired of my old tresses and shaved the whole thing. The new hairstyle was easy to maintain and in a way cute. And I had a wig to cover it all when I felt it necessary. Overall, I guess I was depressed but I was also in severe denial. You have to understand that I bear it upon myself to take care of my son all alone, and to cry out for help would be an equivalent of saying that I was a failure as a new mother.
But to come back to our subject: I was happy to discover that I did not need to work out like Heidi to get back in shape. Breastfeeding save me. Yet the only problem with it is that as soon as I weaned the baby I gained all the pre-pregnancy weight back. Well it did not happen overnight. It took me 6 months to gain it all back and some more. Truly I think that weaning did not do it by itself. I also had change my lifestyle: I was working at a desk job now, driving and eating junk food all the time. So, it is understandable that I gained weight.
I hope that this time, breastfeeding would bring the same miracle to my body that it did the first time I gave birth. Because frankly I am tired enough taking care of my newborn and family to even think about working out. Eventually some day, when I find the energy and time, I would like to exercise (I may start with walking around my apartment complex) because as I am getting older, my body definitely needs a big boost. Moreover, it is important not to let myself go this time around. The first time I did it. Being a stay at home mother, I felt like I did not need to take care of myself and my relationship with my husband suffered (let us just stay that my shaved head was a big turnoff). This time around, I swear that even if I cannot get back in shape, I will try to at least be beautiful because after all, (they do not say it at loud for fear of being physically hurt)but men do like a little flower to look at once they arrive home from a long day at work (so cliche it makes me cringe). Nevertheless, I would be doing it for myself at first, because by looking pretty and pampering myself, I will feel good. And by feeling good, I can chase the blues and mood swings away. Being a mother does not mean that I have to become a slob. I owe it to myself to look and feel great. Maybe Heidi is getting back in shape for the fame and money, but deep down inside I reckon she also does it because she wants to feel great. So she does not deserve a stinky diaper for doing so.
Parenting Mgazine 2006 Stinky Diaper Award
http://www.parenting.com/gallery/Mom/Stinky-Diaper-Awards-2006-97054/5/4
Friday, August 21, 2009
Why I wished I was in the hospital (maternity hospital) forever?
I just delivered my second child last tuesday. And I am thrilled about this new addition to our family. The delivery was easy, easier than the first time around. And my recovery has not been bad either.
I am back home after three days staying at one of the best hospitals in Texas: the Woman's Hospital. I enjoy staying at this hospital so much that sometimes I wished I did not have to go back home after delivering. Why I like it so much?
1- Remodeled Facility:
I gave birth to my first child at the same Woman's Hospital. But this time, I was put in a new wing that had been just added to the hospital. I was given a much bigger room with all the amenities I needed (bed, TV, stylish rocking chair, sofa, and bathroom). The location was also easy to find. Moreover, it was just in front of the nursery therefore I did not have to walk a mile to go check on my baby.
2- State of the art bed:
I loved the bed. It is not very spacious. My older son and I could barely fit in it. Yet, I loved the fact that I could recline it. It was one of those beds you could recline with a button. I just had to push it and I was lifted to a position in which I could get up without hurting myself. Moreover, all the remotes to the TV, the phone to call the nurse station or outside, the light switch, every button that I needed was incorporated into the bed, which was great because I did not have to get up.
3- "At your request" room service.
At this hospital, they do not delivered random food to you anymore. Instead, they have a menu and you call when you feel hungry. It is like being in a hotel with room service. Evidently, the food is not Michelin star worthy, yet the availablity of the service is wonderful. I do not have to cook, or go to do grocery shopping. I just give a call, and I have my food ready in minutes.
4- Nurses are nannies.
During the three days stay at the hospital, different nurses are assigned to you and the baby. The nurses assigned to myself, just check on me from time to time to make sure that my blodd pressure does not go too high or too low, and that I am not in much pain. In other words, they make sure that I have a good recovery. The nurses assigned to my baby take care of him, give him tests and shots. But the best part, is that they babysit him when I am too tired to do so. They give him food and change his diapers. It is wonderful to have somebody with experience taking care of your bundle of joy while you relax. I wish I had one of those nurses at my service forever.
5- Free Stuff
I remembered that after delivering my first baby, I had so many baby products from the hospital that I did not need to buy any after my release. Many samples of baby products were giving for free so for months I used them instead of buying the real thing. Being aware of that, this time I did not even shop for baby products. I just waited to be at the hospital to receive them. At first I was a bit skeptical because I thought that things may be different considering this economy. Yet I received a free diaper bags filled with formula, free diapers, baby soap and lotion, alcohol swabs, ice packs,two baby shirts and two receiving blankets. I also helped myself to hospital stuff such as small towels and cups. I felt bad because it looks like I was stealing. I felt like I was in a hotel and taking everything (bath robes, hygene products, food..) with me before check out time. However, my husband reminded me that he was going to pay for the delivery and stay at the hospital and considering the price, all these things that I was taking should be included.
It would be nice staying in the hospital for a bit longer. But let us face it, it would just make it harder for me to get back in the real world. Because the hospital is not the real world; it is a place where you get to be pampered for a while, a place where you get to be fixed and return home. Maybe that is why it is so special...
For more info about Woman's Hospital of Texas
http://www.womanshospital.com/
I am back home after three days staying at one of the best hospitals in Texas: the Woman's Hospital. I enjoy staying at this hospital so much that sometimes I wished I did not have to go back home after delivering. Why I like it so much?
1- Remodeled Facility:
I gave birth to my first child at the same Woman's Hospital. But this time, I was put in a new wing that had been just added to the hospital. I was given a much bigger room with all the amenities I needed (bed, TV, stylish rocking chair, sofa, and bathroom). The location was also easy to find. Moreover, it was just in front of the nursery therefore I did not have to walk a mile to go check on my baby.
2- State of the art bed:
I loved the bed. It is not very spacious. My older son and I could barely fit in it. Yet, I loved the fact that I could recline it. It was one of those beds you could recline with a button. I just had to push it and I was lifted to a position in which I could get up without hurting myself. Moreover, all the remotes to the TV, the phone to call the nurse station or outside, the light switch, every button that I needed was incorporated into the bed, which was great because I did not have to get up.
3- "At your request" room service.
At this hospital, they do not delivered random food to you anymore. Instead, they have a menu and you call when you feel hungry. It is like being in a hotel with room service. Evidently, the food is not Michelin star worthy, yet the availablity of the service is wonderful. I do not have to cook, or go to do grocery shopping. I just give a call, and I have my food ready in minutes.
4- Nurses are nannies.
During the three days stay at the hospital, different nurses are assigned to you and the baby. The nurses assigned to myself, just check on me from time to time to make sure that my blodd pressure does not go too high or too low, and that I am not in much pain. In other words, they make sure that I have a good recovery. The nurses assigned to my baby take care of him, give him tests and shots. But the best part, is that they babysit him when I am too tired to do so. They give him food and change his diapers. It is wonderful to have somebody with experience taking care of your bundle of joy while you relax. I wish I had one of those nurses at my service forever.
5- Free Stuff
I remembered that after delivering my first baby, I had so many baby products from the hospital that I did not need to buy any after my release. Many samples of baby products were giving for free so for months I used them instead of buying the real thing. Being aware of that, this time I did not even shop for baby products. I just waited to be at the hospital to receive them. At first I was a bit skeptical because I thought that things may be different considering this economy. Yet I received a free diaper bags filled with formula, free diapers, baby soap and lotion, alcohol swabs, ice packs,two baby shirts and two receiving blankets. I also helped myself to hospital stuff such as small towels and cups. I felt bad because it looks like I was stealing. I felt like I was in a hotel and taking everything (bath robes, hygene products, food..) with me before check out time. However, my husband reminded me that he was going to pay for the delivery and stay at the hospital and considering the price, all these things that I was taking should be included.
It would be nice staying in the hospital for a bit longer. But let us face it, it would just make it harder for me to get back in the real world. Because the hospital is not the real world; it is a place where you get to be pampered for a while, a place where you get to be fixed and return home. Maybe that is why it is so special...
For more info about Woman's Hospital of Texas
http://www.womanshospital.com/
Friday, August 14, 2009
Low Sperm Count
My favorite pastime (apart from browsing the Internet, blogging and reading magazines) is to watch TV. I have several shows that I enjoy on a daily basis. One of them is Gordon Ramsay's F word. For those of you who do not know Gordon Ramsay, he is an English chef who enjoys cursing. I have not really tasted his food but I like his style. His show, the F word is a mix of culinary competition and educational documentaries about food in general. The last time I watched the show, Chef Gordon was talking about an interesting topic that I do not get to hear very often: Low sperm count.
Low sperm count is a condition in which a man have lesser sperm than usual, or his sperms are deformed, or they are unable to move. This causes male infertility.
Difference between healthy sperms and low sperm count
Image from radiationtalk.com
During Ramsay's show, he invited a specialist who testified that poor diet had been the main reason of increased low count sperm cases in males in England during the last 20 years. In other words, there are more men having this problem than in the past because they indulge in processed and sugary food instead of going for natural things. I guess, as a result, those men would find themselves less able to procreate.
However, a poor diet is not the only cause for low sperm count. Gordon found out that heat can be another factor. Being a chef, he is constantly in the kitchen near the stoves which lines perfectly with his scrotum area when he is cooking. And he notices that the constant exposure to heat caused his own low sperm count. He is right. In another study (this time in Japan), it was stated that by putting their personal computer on their lap, Japanese men were exposing themselves to low sperm count because the excessive heat coming from the laptop was causing internal damages.
Alcohol, substance abuse (drugs), stress and even bicycle are also known causes of low sperm count.
To remedy to this problem, there are natural and simple ways: eat healthy (many veggies and fruits), drink a lot of water (instead of sodas and alcohol), avoid stoves and putting computers on your lap and just try to exercise and relax.
I guess the reason why I am interested in this topic is that I come from a country where when a couple is unable to conceive, the woman is the first one to be blamed. It is true that women do face serious infertility issues (caused by excision, poor hygiene, stress, bad diet...). Yet it is not always the case that they are at fault when they do not get pregnant. In Senegal, it is an insult to the man's manhood to even suggest that he may be the one with the problem. And women keep on being blamed and suffer the consequences: their husbands divorce them, or get another wife, the family in law keeps on harassing them...Those poor women go through all kind of "abuse" just because in Senegal it is believed that a woman is whole only when she has children. (Nonsense)
Nevertheless, I think for the sake of the entire family, it is best that both parties get tested if they are unable to conceive. There is nothing to be ashamed of for having low sperm count. Instead, it is a "positive" diagnosis since there is a low cost and natural remedy for it. Now if the tests suggest something more serious, the couple need to have a talk and decide what their options are. Communication being the best weapon for a couple, it is necessary that it should be ongoing particularly when it is about starting a family. Something that I think is lacking in our society today...
Info on Low sperm count
http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/causes-low-sperm-count.html
http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/690/main.html
http://www.ehow.com/how_4749714_increase-sperm-count.html
Info on Gordon Ramsay's F word
http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/159/index.jsp
Low sperm count is a condition in which a man have lesser sperm than usual, or his sperms are deformed, or they are unable to move. This causes male infertility.
Difference between healthy sperms and low sperm count
Image from radiationtalk.com
During Ramsay's show, he invited a specialist who testified that poor diet had been the main reason of increased low count sperm cases in males in England during the last 20 years. In other words, there are more men having this problem than in the past because they indulge in processed and sugary food instead of going for natural things. I guess, as a result, those men would find themselves less able to procreate.
However, a poor diet is not the only cause for low sperm count. Gordon found out that heat can be another factor. Being a chef, he is constantly in the kitchen near the stoves which lines perfectly with his scrotum area when he is cooking. And he notices that the constant exposure to heat caused his own low sperm count. He is right. In another study (this time in Japan), it was stated that by putting their personal computer on their lap, Japanese men were exposing themselves to low sperm count because the excessive heat coming from the laptop was causing internal damages.
Alcohol, substance abuse (drugs), stress and even bicycle are also known causes of low sperm count.
To remedy to this problem, there are natural and simple ways: eat healthy (many veggies and fruits), drink a lot of water (instead of sodas and alcohol), avoid stoves and putting computers on your lap and just try to exercise and relax.
I guess the reason why I am interested in this topic is that I come from a country where when a couple is unable to conceive, the woman is the first one to be blamed. It is true that women do face serious infertility issues (caused by excision, poor hygiene, stress, bad diet...). Yet it is not always the case that they are at fault when they do not get pregnant. In Senegal, it is an insult to the man's manhood to even suggest that he may be the one with the problem. And women keep on being blamed and suffer the consequences: their husbands divorce them, or get another wife, the family in law keeps on harassing them...Those poor women go through all kind of "abuse" just because in Senegal it is believed that a woman is whole only when she has children. (Nonsense)
Nevertheless, I think for the sake of the entire family, it is best that both parties get tested if they are unable to conceive. There is nothing to be ashamed of for having low sperm count. Instead, it is a "positive" diagnosis since there is a low cost and natural remedy for it. Now if the tests suggest something more serious, the couple need to have a talk and decide what their options are. Communication being the best weapon for a couple, it is necessary that it should be ongoing particularly when it is about starting a family. Something that I think is lacking in our society today...
Info on Low sperm count
http://www.babyhopes.com/articles/causes-low-sperm-count.html
http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/690/main.html
http://www.ehow.com/how_4749714_increase-sperm-count.html
Info on Gordon Ramsay's F word
http://www.bbcamerica.com/content/159/index.jsp
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The Abortion Debate (not necessarily what you think)
I never deal with serious topics concerning pregnancies in this blog. Mostly, I just share events and opinions regarding my own experience. However, recently I came across an article from Marie Claire: "The Abortion Debate: what would you do?" This article was interesting because for once it did not evolve around women who just wanted an abortion because they thought they could not keep the baby for various reasons (economic, familial, career related ). This time the article focus on two women who were informed during their pregnancy that their babies were sick with a genetic disease called trisomy and that they were no chance for them to survive after birth. One woman decided to go through her pregnancy and deliver her baby who died just a couple of hours later, while the other one chose to have an abortion.
Abortion has been a violent topic in the States recently when a late term abortion doctor was killed in front of his church by a pro-life fanatic in May. However, abortion is a very hot topic everywhere you turn around this world.
In my country, the law stipulates that abortion is illegal, but it did not stop people from practicing it. People who have money go to private clinics. And the ones who do not try to do it themselves. When I was still a teen, our unmarried maid who found herself knocked up drank some bad substances to provoke abortion. She had it in our house a weekday when my entire family was either at work or at school. She nearly died. Of course, the abortion was successful but I do not know about the side effects to her health. Due to the danger and exposure to the law she brought in our house, my parents decided to let her go.
In my religion, abortion is also considered a sin. It is permitted only when the pregnancy constitutes a danger to the mother.
As far as I am concerned, I do not have a strong opinion on the subject. I prefer to think that I am against abortion because no matter how you twist it, you still get rid of a human life. If ever you did not get the abortion, the baby would have probably survived. Yet, I cannot judge women who decide to go through this procedure because everyone has its own reasons and its own circumstances. People-particularly religious and pro-life people- are eager to judge even before listening to your reasons. For them a life is sacred and once it is created, it deserves to be honored. I accept that, but you cannot go around shoving your beliefs in people's minds. You have to have a dialogue and try to get your views understood. Do not picket in front of abortion clinics and scream at women who go inside. Do not condemn doctors who do the procedure (or kill them). I find such an irony in killing Doctor Tiller in Kansas because if you declare that you are pro-life, aren't you suppose to cherish all lives, whether born or not, whether you believe they are good or bad?
Nevertheless, after readind the article, I find these two women brave. I never want to be in their shoes but I consider them courageous in their own way. Each one of them chose a path that were suitable for them and they are at peace with their decisions. I just wish that more people would try to listen to their experiences instead of thinking that everyone who goes for an abortion is just a selfish person and a murderer.
I also wish people used more and more protection when it comes to sex. Sex is good, it takes you to places you have probably never been particularly when you are a teenager with hormones boiling inside. But some minutes of sex are not worth having to go through abortion if you cannot handle having a baby. If you cannot keep it in your pants or keep you legs crossed, please use a condom or/and a contraceptive. But that is yet another debate, no?
Marie claire articles available here
http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/news/latest/abortion-debate
http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/opinion/abortion-wars-timeline
Information on Trisomy available here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trisomy
Abortion has been a violent topic in the States recently when a late term abortion doctor was killed in front of his church by a pro-life fanatic in May. However, abortion is a very hot topic everywhere you turn around this world.
In my country, the law stipulates that abortion is illegal, but it did not stop people from practicing it. People who have money go to private clinics. And the ones who do not try to do it themselves. When I was still a teen, our unmarried maid who found herself knocked up drank some bad substances to provoke abortion. She had it in our house a weekday when my entire family was either at work or at school. She nearly died. Of course, the abortion was successful but I do not know about the side effects to her health. Due to the danger and exposure to the law she brought in our house, my parents decided to let her go.
In my religion, abortion is also considered a sin. It is permitted only when the pregnancy constitutes a danger to the mother.
As far as I am concerned, I do not have a strong opinion on the subject. I prefer to think that I am against abortion because no matter how you twist it, you still get rid of a human life. If ever you did not get the abortion, the baby would have probably survived. Yet, I cannot judge women who decide to go through this procedure because everyone has its own reasons and its own circumstances. People-particularly religious and pro-life people- are eager to judge even before listening to your reasons. For them a life is sacred and once it is created, it deserves to be honored. I accept that, but you cannot go around shoving your beliefs in people's minds. You have to have a dialogue and try to get your views understood. Do not picket in front of abortion clinics and scream at women who go inside. Do not condemn doctors who do the procedure (or kill them). I find such an irony in killing Doctor Tiller in Kansas because if you declare that you are pro-life, aren't you suppose to cherish all lives, whether born or not, whether you believe they are good or bad?
Nevertheless, after readind the article, I find these two women brave. I never want to be in their shoes but I consider them courageous in their own way. Each one of them chose a path that were suitable for them and they are at peace with their decisions. I just wish that more people would try to listen to their experiences instead of thinking that everyone who goes for an abortion is just a selfish person and a murderer.
I also wish people used more and more protection when it comes to sex. Sex is good, it takes you to places you have probably never been particularly when you are a teenager with hormones boiling inside. But some minutes of sex are not worth having to go through abortion if you cannot handle having a baby. If you cannot keep it in your pants or keep you legs crossed, please use a condom or/and a contraceptive. But that is yet another debate, no?
Marie claire articles available here
http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/news/latest/abortion-debate
http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/opinion/abortion-wars-timeline
Information on Trisomy available here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trisomy
Monday, August 03, 2009
I don't did it!
Last night, I was talking with my boy. Actually I was jokingly accusing him of making a mess of his toys. I told him : " You did this mess!" And he answered:
"I don't did it".
I laughed so hard after hearing it. My boy has just started talking clearly so I cannot blame him for making such a mistake. Yet I found this hilarious. And you can imagine that I tried to correct him. Yet he went back to the " I don't did it".
Even though it is still cute that he makes mistakes like this, I wonder if I should start correcting him. It is important that he speaks properly despites being just three. My son being a late bloomer (as of he cannot speak properly compared to children his own age), I am tempted to let him be for a while. I just want him to thicken his vocabulary first before being strict on the grammar. Yet, I do believe that it is never too early to learn. So what's a mother to do?
"I don't did it".
I laughed so hard after hearing it. My boy has just started talking clearly so I cannot blame him for making such a mistake. Yet I found this hilarious. And you can imagine that I tried to correct him. Yet he went back to the " I don't did it".
Even though it is still cute that he makes mistakes like this, I wonder if I should start correcting him. It is important that he speaks properly despites being just three. My son being a late bloomer (as of he cannot speak properly compared to children his own age), I am tempted to let him be for a while. I just want him to thicken his vocabulary first before being strict on the grammar. Yet, I do believe that it is never too early to learn. So what's a mother to do?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The better parent?
After three months away from the USA, I am finally back home with my hubby and my child. I had to go back to Senegal, which is my home country to rest because this pregnancy was getting too stressful for me. I went home with my son for a month, and then his father came to visit us. He then decided to take our son back to the US with him while I stayed another month back home alone.
In my earlier post, I shared with you the emotions I was feeling about being separated from my son for the first time since he was born. I did miss him but not as much as I thought I would. I did have a meltdown one night before going to bed. I tried to reach him with no success and cried myself to sleep that night. However, on other occasions I was doing great. I had time to take care of myself and do the things I wanted to do but could not because of my son. Therefore the separation was not so bad.
I finally returned home some weeks ago. I was so excited about the idea of seeing my son again that I played our reunion in my mind hundred times. I would see him run towards me at the airport and he would hug me tight and not let go. I would hug him back and start crying.
In reality, none of this happened. My son was just waking up from a short nap in the car on his way to the airport. When he saw me, he was still sleepy therefore he was not as excited as I thought he would be. I managed to lift him and he hold on to me. But very soon, I could sense him trying to get away from me. Then he went towards his father.
As days passed after my return, I got to see my hubby in action. For a man who almost delegated everything concerning my son's care to me, he was doing great. He would wake up every day, do his morning prayer and then prepare lunch for my son. When Little Prince would wake up, he would put him on the potty with a cup of orange juice and give him his breakfast. Then, once they are both done, they would shower and get ready to leave the house. When they return later the day, my hubby would prepare for the dinner and if they have time before Baby boy goes to sleep, they would go down to the pool. During the weekends, he would take him to the mall's playground.
I was surprised to see how organized my husband was. I always knew he was organized but I never thought that taking care of our son would come so easy to him. He makes good balanced meals that my son enjoys, and he does his laundry. He takes him to school and to the doctor when needed. He even buys him clothes and toys. The only thing that I deplore is that he does not clean the house much. But I guess I cannot say a word because he does everything else so perfectly.
My hubby is doing now what I used to do for Baby boy. I was the principal care giver. My hubby would help me most of the time but at the end of the day, all the responsibilities fell on my shoulder. And I have to admit that it was pretty hard. Taking care of Baby boy was not the hardest part. The hardest part was being criticized by my hubby. I am extremely sensitive and I hate criticism (even constructive one). Therefore, I was always frustrated when my hubby did not seem to see that I was trying my best to take care of Little Prince. That is why when he proposed to take our son back to the US after a well deserved holiday, I did not protest. I thought that he would finally understand what I was going through every day, and be less judgmental.
Whether or not my hubby knows how hard it was for me to take care of Baby boy is uncertain. He is not the type of person who would admit such a thing to me. But I do know that he is tired. However, he is not also the type of person who would complain about it.
Another feeling I have been experiencing upon my return home is that I am bitter about the fact that my husband takes care of our son. I have noticed that he is doing a far better job that I could have ever done. I know I would never be as organized or involved as he is. And that is killing me because I recognize in him the better parent. Moreover, I hate the fact that in only a month he built a bond with our son, a bond so strong that I do not see my place in this family anymore. I feel like an outsider. I hope this feeling will pass in time but I am not sure.
Despite all these feelings, I am proud of my husband for being a true father. So many times, we hear about dads that do nothing when it comes to take care of their children except giving away money. My husband became a really involved dad. Will his behavior change in the future? I am not sure. Yet, I am certain I love this new attitude of his.
In my earlier post, I shared with you the emotions I was feeling about being separated from my son for the first time since he was born. I did miss him but not as much as I thought I would. I did have a meltdown one night before going to bed. I tried to reach him with no success and cried myself to sleep that night. However, on other occasions I was doing great. I had time to take care of myself and do the things I wanted to do but could not because of my son. Therefore the separation was not so bad.
I finally returned home some weeks ago. I was so excited about the idea of seeing my son again that I played our reunion in my mind hundred times. I would see him run towards me at the airport and he would hug me tight and not let go. I would hug him back and start crying.
In reality, none of this happened. My son was just waking up from a short nap in the car on his way to the airport. When he saw me, he was still sleepy therefore he was not as excited as I thought he would be. I managed to lift him and he hold on to me. But very soon, I could sense him trying to get away from me. Then he went towards his father.
As days passed after my return, I got to see my hubby in action. For a man who almost delegated everything concerning my son's care to me, he was doing great. He would wake up every day, do his morning prayer and then prepare lunch for my son. When Little Prince would wake up, he would put him on the potty with a cup of orange juice and give him his breakfast. Then, once they are both done, they would shower and get ready to leave the house. When they return later the day, my hubby would prepare for the dinner and if they have time before Baby boy goes to sleep, they would go down to the pool. During the weekends, he would take him to the mall's playground.
I was surprised to see how organized my husband was. I always knew he was organized but I never thought that taking care of our son would come so easy to him. He makes good balanced meals that my son enjoys, and he does his laundry. He takes him to school and to the doctor when needed. He even buys him clothes and toys. The only thing that I deplore is that he does not clean the house much. But I guess I cannot say a word because he does everything else so perfectly.
My hubby is doing now what I used to do for Baby boy. I was the principal care giver. My hubby would help me most of the time but at the end of the day, all the responsibilities fell on my shoulder. And I have to admit that it was pretty hard. Taking care of Baby boy was not the hardest part. The hardest part was being criticized by my hubby. I am extremely sensitive and I hate criticism (even constructive one). Therefore, I was always frustrated when my hubby did not seem to see that I was trying my best to take care of Little Prince. That is why when he proposed to take our son back to the US after a well deserved holiday, I did not protest. I thought that he would finally understand what I was going through every day, and be less judgmental.
Whether or not my hubby knows how hard it was for me to take care of Baby boy is uncertain. He is not the type of person who would admit such a thing to me. But I do know that he is tired. However, he is not also the type of person who would complain about it.
Another feeling I have been experiencing upon my return home is that I am bitter about the fact that my husband takes care of our son. I have noticed that he is doing a far better job that I could have ever done. I know I would never be as organized or involved as he is. And that is killing me because I recognize in him the better parent. Moreover, I hate the fact that in only a month he built a bond with our son, a bond so strong that I do not see my place in this family anymore. I feel like an outsider. I hope this feeling will pass in time but I am not sure.
Despite all these feelings, I am proud of my husband for being a true father. So many times, we hear about dads that do nothing when it comes to take care of their children except giving away money. My husband became a really involved dad. Will his behavior change in the future? I am not sure. Yet, I am certain I love this new attitude of his.
Pregnancy Fashion (summer version)
Pregnancy is a magical time, they tell us. Well not for me. I am always hungry, I am always peeing, I gain tons of weight, I cannot sleep at night and my stomach is so huge I just feel like taking it out. But the worst in being pregnant is not knowing what to wear.
I am not a fashionista but I like clothes. My style is not bold (like I would like to) or classic. Yet, I like pretty trendy things that make me feel fabulous. So imagine my frustration when I cannot find something cool and unique to wear during my pregnancy. I just feel like staying home and sulking.
The solution to this dilemma is to buy maternity clothes. Before maternity clothes meant oversized pants, skirts and tops. They were not cute or stylish in any way. However, now more than ever there are several fashion houses that develop cute maternity clothes. From the standard Motherhood Maternity to Liz Clairborne, you can find pretty stylish clothes. It just depends on how much you want to spend on clothes you may wear just for an amount of time.
As far as I am concerned, I do not like to shop for maternity clothes. I just find it crazy to buy clothes that you would wear for just an amount of time. And then lock away in your closet till the next pregnancy. That is why my alternative for looking hot during a pregnancy is to shop for standard clothes that can fit my growing belly or buy pregnancy clothes that are so cute and stylish that they can be worn even after the pregnancy. (Because even after you give birth, there is a big chance that you will not fit in your pre-pregnancy clothes)
Here is a list of clothes and accessories I need during a pregnancy
-Pregnancy Jeans:
I love jeans. They are my trademark. But they tend to be the first thing to become too tight once you become pregnant. That is why I am obliged to shop for pregnancy jeans. Now they are so trendy that you can find your fit without sacrificing your style. They even have pregnancy skinny jeans.
- Pregnancy belt:
If you are not really into the pregnancy jeans, you can just buy a pregnancy belt or a Bella Band. It is belt or band that your wrap around your waist. With this belt, you can still wear your favorite jeans because it supports your belly and the pants even if it is unbuttoned.
Bella Band available at www.ingridandisabel.com
-Loose blouses or tunics:
I like tunics and blouses. Since I gained weight during my college years, I realized that they were the perfect item to hide bulging belly and wide thighs. Therefore, I always purchase them instead of tight fitted tops. That is why I do not have problems dressing up at the beginning of a pregnancy because I have all the tops that can hide my belly from the get go. Yet, those clothes are good up to the 2nd trimester. For the 3rd trimester, maternity clothes will be definitely needed depending on how big you get.
DVF Tunic
Blouses available at gojane.com
- Flats:
I understand that some women- like SJP or Kelly Ripa- are so attached to their heels that they keep on wearing them even during their pregnancy. But I am not one of them. I like heels but I trade them for the comfort of flats. They are so many cute versions of the ballet flats, for every season and in every color. I recommend you get some a size a bit bigger than your usual size because your feet will swell during the pregnancy. Or just stick to sandals that are easy to slip on (if it is spring/summer).
Ballet flats available at payless.com
And if you absolutely must have your heels, get some with a kitty heels or wedges that are not too high. You will still feel sexy but your feet will not hurt as much.
Floral Wedges available at payless.com
-Dresses:
You can find dresses that are suitable for maternity in all styles. But I recommend the T-shirt dress or jersey dress for their comfort and funkiness; the wrap dress because the belt will make you look smart yet comfy even with a growing belly. Empire waist dress and baby dolls are another way of dressing up during a pregnancy. The design let your belly be free under the long fluid skirt while your breast are being retained by the empire waist. Or you can just go for a maxi dress that is flowy. Pick it in a floral and colorful tone. All these dresses will make you feel gorgeous even after giving birth because they will still hide the baby weight that you are dying to lose.
Jersey Dress available at oldnavy.com
DVF Wrap Dress
All types of Maxi Dresses
- Elastic band skirts:
If your zipper skirts get too tight, switch them with skirts with an elastic band. The elastic will let you wear them further down your pregnancy. I particularly enjoy those type of skirts when they are floor length.
- Lots of accessories:
Stack up on your accessories! They would brighten up any outfit. Moreover they are so playful that they can make you feel happy and glowing. I am thinking about huge bracelets, colorful and stylish rings, big and bold chains, even belts if you think you are up to it. Bags are also another option, go for colorful and textured bags that stand out.
Another important item that you will definitely need during the pregnancy is reliable underwear. You will need bras that will support your growing breast. You will also need panties that stay either low under the belly so that they will not get in the way. Hoses can also help you with the swelling and cramping of legs. It is absolutely necessary to get all those items in cotton to avoid chaffing.
I know getting dressed up can be tricky during pregnancy. But with a strong will and creativity, you can be both trendy and glowing during this interesting time of your life. I recommend you find inspiration in pregnancy magazines or plain fashion magazines. Looking at our celebrities does not hurt either.
I am not a fashionista but I like clothes. My style is not bold (like I would like to) or classic. Yet, I like pretty trendy things that make me feel fabulous. So imagine my frustration when I cannot find something cool and unique to wear during my pregnancy. I just feel like staying home and sulking.
The solution to this dilemma is to buy maternity clothes. Before maternity clothes meant oversized pants, skirts and tops. They were not cute or stylish in any way. However, now more than ever there are several fashion houses that develop cute maternity clothes. From the standard Motherhood Maternity to Liz Clairborne, you can find pretty stylish clothes. It just depends on how much you want to spend on clothes you may wear just for an amount of time.
As far as I am concerned, I do not like to shop for maternity clothes. I just find it crazy to buy clothes that you would wear for just an amount of time. And then lock away in your closet till the next pregnancy. That is why my alternative for looking hot during a pregnancy is to shop for standard clothes that can fit my growing belly or buy pregnancy clothes that are so cute and stylish that they can be worn even after the pregnancy. (Because even after you give birth, there is a big chance that you will not fit in your pre-pregnancy clothes)
Here is a list of clothes and accessories I need during a pregnancy
-Pregnancy Jeans:
I love jeans. They are my trademark. But they tend to be the first thing to become too tight once you become pregnant. That is why I am obliged to shop for pregnancy jeans. Now they are so trendy that you can find your fit without sacrificing your style. They even have pregnancy skinny jeans.
- Pregnancy belt:
If you are not really into the pregnancy jeans, you can just buy a pregnancy belt or a Bella Band. It is belt or band that your wrap around your waist. With this belt, you can still wear your favorite jeans because it supports your belly and the pants even if it is unbuttoned.
Bella Band available at www.ingridandisabel.com
-Loose blouses or tunics:
I like tunics and blouses. Since I gained weight during my college years, I realized that they were the perfect item to hide bulging belly and wide thighs. Therefore, I always purchase them instead of tight fitted tops. That is why I do not have problems dressing up at the beginning of a pregnancy because I have all the tops that can hide my belly from the get go. Yet, those clothes are good up to the 2nd trimester. For the 3rd trimester, maternity clothes will be definitely needed depending on how big you get.
DVF Tunic
Blouses available at gojane.com
- Flats:
I understand that some women- like SJP or Kelly Ripa- are so attached to their heels that they keep on wearing them even during their pregnancy. But I am not one of them. I like heels but I trade them for the comfort of flats. They are so many cute versions of the ballet flats, for every season and in every color. I recommend you get some a size a bit bigger than your usual size because your feet will swell during the pregnancy. Or just stick to sandals that are easy to slip on (if it is spring/summer).
Ballet flats available at payless.com
And if you absolutely must have your heels, get some with a kitty heels or wedges that are not too high. You will still feel sexy but your feet will not hurt as much.
Floral Wedges available at payless.com
-Dresses:
You can find dresses that are suitable for maternity in all styles. But I recommend the T-shirt dress or jersey dress for their comfort and funkiness; the wrap dress because the belt will make you look smart yet comfy even with a growing belly. Empire waist dress and baby dolls are another way of dressing up during a pregnancy. The design let your belly be free under the long fluid skirt while your breast are being retained by the empire waist. Or you can just go for a maxi dress that is flowy. Pick it in a floral and colorful tone. All these dresses will make you feel gorgeous even after giving birth because they will still hide the baby weight that you are dying to lose.
Jersey Dress available at oldnavy.com
DVF Wrap Dress
All types of Maxi Dresses
- Elastic band skirts:
If your zipper skirts get too tight, switch them with skirts with an elastic band. The elastic will let you wear them further down your pregnancy. I particularly enjoy those type of skirts when they are floor length.
- Lots of accessories:
Stack up on your accessories! They would brighten up any outfit. Moreover they are so playful that they can make you feel happy and glowing. I am thinking about huge bracelets, colorful and stylish rings, big and bold chains, even belts if you think you are up to it. Bags are also another option, go for colorful and textured bags that stand out.
Another important item that you will definitely need during the pregnancy is reliable underwear. You will need bras that will support your growing breast. You will also need panties that stay either low under the belly so that they will not get in the way. Hoses can also help you with the swelling and cramping of legs. It is absolutely necessary to get all those items in cotton to avoid chaffing.
I know getting dressed up can be tricky during pregnancy. But with a strong will and creativity, you can be both trendy and glowing during this interesting time of your life. I recommend you find inspiration in pregnancy magazines or plain fashion magazines. Looking at our celebrities does not hurt either.
Pregnancy Taboos
Pregnancy is a beautiful experience, when you take out the aches and pains of a growing foreign body inside yours that is. Nevertheless, pregnant women will tell you that it is one of the best moments of their lives, apart raising the child that is born.
Pregnancy is a dangerous experience. People often tend to forget that it is a life and death situation. It is not rare that women die during pregnancy or labor. Even though medicine and science is developing to a certain rate where we have less pregnancy or labor related deaths, it is nonetheless an imminent danger.
I tend to forget about the danger of pregnancy. But a visit to the doctor’s office and one talk with both of my mothers (my real mother and my mother in law) put me back into that mental state. Yet I am not the one to loose sleep or appetite over a problem. I am pretty much laid back. Therefore, it is hard for me to understand all the taboo that revolves around a pregnancy particularly in my country.
First you have to understand that in Senegal, a pregnancy is considered as a disease. I remember the first time I got pregnant, my mother told my husband to be uber patient with me because I was not a well person. I found it revolting and insulting that she would diminish me like that. But come to think of it, a woman is not very well during a pregnancy. You feel nauseous and tired most of the time. You tend to be forgetful and irritated for no reason at all. You turn into this food gobbling, mood swinging, lazy woman and no one understand why. For nine months- and more- you become a different person for your entourage. And only another woman who has been through the same experience can understand you. Men, I tend to notice are frighten by your state. They act fine but deep inside they do not know how to deal with you. And this can cause couples to grow more and more distant.
Second, during a pregnancy, a woman back home is recommended to do so many things if she wants to assure a safe journey. There are of course, things that she should eat, activities that she should do. But one thing I hate the most, is the fact that she has to hide her pregnancy to outsiders for as long as she can. And one better way to do it is to wear large clothes. People believe that nothing good can result from talk. In other words, the more people talk about you, the worse you can feel. Therefore to avoid what we call “Tchat” (something like an evil eye except this one is more like an evil tongue), people hide pregnancies. They do so by wearing Senegalese traditional clothes (which used to be baggy back in the days). However, I discovered two things about this phenomenon: one is that baggy clothes can hide your growing belly up to a certain amount of time. Passed the 2nd trimester, there is not much they can do. You round belly is there to be seen. Second, people are not dumb. They tend to notice and understand your change of state even before you tell them. Therefore, I think that hiding is just a waste of time. I like the fact that in Western country, women are proud to show off their growing bellies (even though I condemn them exhibiting their naked belly to the world. It is just too wrong to walk around half naked with a big belly in front of everyone). They feel so free. But here, you have to walk around like you are ashamed of being pregnant. I hate it but it is the “Soutoura” (discretion) national that dictates it.
Third, during a pregnancy, a Senegalese woman is forbidden to eat or do some thing that people who do not belong may find silly. I do find them silly sometimes. For example, a pregnant woman should not eat too much abalone- a Senegalese delicacy because if she does, once her baby is born he will drool all the time. Or a pregnant woman should surrender to her cravings-particularly when the food is in front of her- because if she does not, the kid will be born with many birthmarks. There are so many other things like that but I cannot tell them all. However, my first experience as a pregnant woman proved me that, all those sayings were not necessarily true. I like abalone but I am certain that I did not eat it much when I was pregnant with Baby boy. And that little fellow was a drooler and a spitter. Moreover, because of my strict husband who had in mind that he had to follow my diet, there were many things such as butter and sugar that were denied to me during my pregnancy. I was often unhappy of the situation, but Baby boy was not born with a huge birthmark.
Finally, a pregnant woman has to protect herself against evil spirit. It is recommended that she carries with her a pouch with salt, a piece of charcoal, a fresh lemon and some wood or iron. It is supposed to protect her particularly during sunset- hour in which all evil spirits appear. I try not to believe in evil spirits and such. I often laugh at my mother when she checks whether or not I am carrying my pouch. However, I cannot ignore this way of protecting myself entirely for the following two reasons: it has been done for many years by women all over the country; and second it is a formula that works even for children: I put the pouch underneath Baby boy’s pillow once because he was having nightmares, and that night he slept like a baby.
Pregnancy should be a magical time, a time when you should relax and try to bond with the alien growing inside of you. I hate the fact that it has become a time when people scare you with old wives tale and try to put you in a bubble. I understand their concerns and their practices because it is the way things have been done in this country. There is not much I can do about it. Nevertheless, I wish I were left alone to live my pregnancy the way I chose to without being afraid of being judged. Why not wear a jean and t-shirt as long as I feel comfortable in it? And who says that I have to be constantly in movement to assure a hassle free labor? Well my mother in law does: she recommends that I do household chores or walk many miles after a meal to feel fine. She maybe right but I cannot see myself walk or do anything after lunch under this heat except taking a nap. And believe me for someone who has problems sleeping at night now and who may face hundred of sleepless nights once they baby is born, a nap sounds like a good idea.
I just want to be left alone to do or live how I choose to, pregnant or not. But unfortunately that is something people will never let you do in this country.
Pregnancy is a dangerous experience. People often tend to forget that it is a life and death situation. It is not rare that women die during pregnancy or labor. Even though medicine and science is developing to a certain rate where we have less pregnancy or labor related deaths, it is nonetheless an imminent danger.
I tend to forget about the danger of pregnancy. But a visit to the doctor’s office and one talk with both of my mothers (my real mother and my mother in law) put me back into that mental state. Yet I am not the one to loose sleep or appetite over a problem. I am pretty much laid back. Therefore, it is hard for me to understand all the taboo that revolves around a pregnancy particularly in my country.
First you have to understand that in Senegal, a pregnancy is considered as a disease. I remember the first time I got pregnant, my mother told my husband to be uber patient with me because I was not a well person. I found it revolting and insulting that she would diminish me like that. But come to think of it, a woman is not very well during a pregnancy. You feel nauseous and tired most of the time. You tend to be forgetful and irritated for no reason at all. You turn into this food gobbling, mood swinging, lazy woman and no one understand why. For nine months- and more- you become a different person for your entourage. And only another woman who has been through the same experience can understand you. Men, I tend to notice are frighten by your state. They act fine but deep inside they do not know how to deal with you. And this can cause couples to grow more and more distant.
Second, during a pregnancy, a woman back home is recommended to do so many things if she wants to assure a safe journey. There are of course, things that she should eat, activities that she should do. But one thing I hate the most, is the fact that she has to hide her pregnancy to outsiders for as long as she can. And one better way to do it is to wear large clothes. People believe that nothing good can result from talk. In other words, the more people talk about you, the worse you can feel. Therefore to avoid what we call “Tchat” (something like an evil eye except this one is more like an evil tongue), people hide pregnancies. They do so by wearing Senegalese traditional clothes (which used to be baggy back in the days). However, I discovered two things about this phenomenon: one is that baggy clothes can hide your growing belly up to a certain amount of time. Passed the 2nd trimester, there is not much they can do. You round belly is there to be seen. Second, people are not dumb. They tend to notice and understand your change of state even before you tell them. Therefore, I think that hiding is just a waste of time. I like the fact that in Western country, women are proud to show off their growing bellies (even though I condemn them exhibiting their naked belly to the world. It is just too wrong to walk around half naked with a big belly in front of everyone). They feel so free. But here, you have to walk around like you are ashamed of being pregnant. I hate it but it is the “Soutoura” (discretion) national that dictates it.
Third, during a pregnancy, a Senegalese woman is forbidden to eat or do some thing that people who do not belong may find silly. I do find them silly sometimes. For example, a pregnant woman should not eat too much abalone- a Senegalese delicacy because if she does, once her baby is born he will drool all the time. Or a pregnant woman should surrender to her cravings-particularly when the food is in front of her- because if she does not, the kid will be born with many birthmarks. There are so many other things like that but I cannot tell them all. However, my first experience as a pregnant woman proved me that, all those sayings were not necessarily true. I like abalone but I am certain that I did not eat it much when I was pregnant with Baby boy. And that little fellow was a drooler and a spitter. Moreover, because of my strict husband who had in mind that he had to follow my diet, there were many things such as butter and sugar that were denied to me during my pregnancy. I was often unhappy of the situation, but Baby boy was not born with a huge birthmark.
Finally, a pregnant woman has to protect herself against evil spirit. It is recommended that she carries with her a pouch with salt, a piece of charcoal, a fresh lemon and some wood or iron. It is supposed to protect her particularly during sunset- hour in which all evil spirits appear. I try not to believe in evil spirits and such. I often laugh at my mother when she checks whether or not I am carrying my pouch. However, I cannot ignore this way of protecting myself entirely for the following two reasons: it has been done for many years by women all over the country; and second it is a formula that works even for children: I put the pouch underneath Baby boy’s pillow once because he was having nightmares, and that night he slept like a baby.
Pregnancy should be a magical time, a time when you should relax and try to bond with the alien growing inside of you. I hate the fact that it has become a time when people scare you with old wives tale and try to put you in a bubble. I understand their concerns and their practices because it is the way things have been done in this country. There is not much I can do about it. Nevertheless, I wish I were left alone to live my pregnancy the way I chose to without being afraid of being judged. Why not wear a jean and t-shirt as long as I feel comfortable in it? And who says that I have to be constantly in movement to assure a hassle free labor? Well my mother in law does: she recommends that I do household chores or walk many miles after a meal to feel fine. She maybe right but I cannot see myself walk or do anything after lunch under this heat except taking a nap. And believe me for someone who has problems sleeping at night now and who may face hundred of sleepless nights once they baby is born, a nap sounds like a good idea.
I just want to be left alone to do or live how I choose to, pregnant or not. But unfortunately that is something people will never let you do in this country.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Rituals for a new baby
I was watching an interesting documentary at the RTS1, the first channel of the country. I missed the beginning but I can clearly understand that is about the rites people from different places (particularly those living in not so modern conditions) have concerning their babies. In other words, the documentary relates the bath rituals, breastfeeding methods, carrying methods and way of educating babies among other things.
This documentary reminds me of the rituals Senegalese women use for their babies as well. There is panoply of things to do once a child is born until he is old enough. One of the most important one is probably the massage of the body. The baby is strongly massaged with what we call Karite- or shea butter all over his body. The ritual can seem pretty harsh for a new mother that is why the grand mother often executes it. The massage or “Damp” in my language helps shape the baby’s body. It is also very efficient if you want the baby to fall asleep. I remember once, my mother did the massage on my young baby cousin. She was screaming her breath out and her mother begged my mother to stop. However as soon as she finished the massage, the usually fussy baby fell immediately asleep. It was like witnessing a miracle.
The “Mbotu” or piece of cloth that is used to carry the baby on the back is also a very important ritual. A new mother needs to carry the baby on its back in order for her to do chores. It is also another way of helping the baby to sleep. Many Senegalese children grew up attached to their mother’s back. From that post, they witness several aspects of daily life and get to learn about them.
The Mbotu
image courtesy: www.inkycircus.com/jargon/images/african_baby...
One on hand, the documentary was very interesting in the sense that it taught me on simple thing: people from all over the world maybe different and may have different ways of caring for their babies. Nevertheless, the love they have for these little people is still the same. For example, mothers would have different ways of protecting their children against bad spirit or the evil eye (attaching amulets or applying oil to their babies’ body) but it is in the same spirit. .
On the other hand, the documentary made me feel sad: my Little Prince was not lucky enough to have all these rituals performed on him. I had my first born alone with my husband in the United States. My mother who was supposed to teach me all about the rituals could not be there to support me. Therefore, I was pretty much left to myself to welcome this new thing to the world and keep him there. My hubby was as clueless as I was. Certainly we received several advices from both my mother and my mother in law through the telephone. Nevertheless it could not replace having them there to help us out. Therefore my baby grew up without ever being really massaged. (I did try to massage with the Karite butter but as a new mother I was never as harsh as my own mother was). I never massaged his nose either trying to affinate it. And it took me several months before I was ready to use the Mbotu on him.
I was a clueless mother trying to protect her child by any means that I did not let him do things babies his age would. I would rarely let him be, or play afraid that he would hurt himself. As a result, he did not sit, crawl and walk as early as I thought he would.
Fortunately for us, we could come to visit our family back home more than three times in Little Prince three years on this earth. Therefore, we could catch up on the rites. I learned many things that I was supposed to do or that I should start to do for him. Sometimes, I was not sure about them- like the time my mother in law bought some copper anklet to put on Baby Boy’s to avoid nightmares. In fact, since we arrived in my country for a short holiday, Baby Boy was screaming at night obviously having nightmares. However, the moment he started to wear this copper anklet, he was sleeping like the baby he was. After this incident, it became hard for me to stay skeptical about those rituals.
I feel sorry for Baby Boy and myself because there is a huge amount of traditions that accompany a new mother and a new baby that we did not experienced. I wished I had my mother by my side telling me and showing me what to do. But it was not the case. So, I feel like I missed out. Nevertheless I will not complain. After all Little Prince turned out fine. When he was born, my husband used to say that he should apologize before hand to the baby because he would be like a cobaye to us. Since he was the first born to inexperienced and left out parents, there was a big chance that he would not turn out fine. However, now when I see him going, playing, talking, being this affectionate child that everyone loves, I say to myself that we both did a great job with what we had at the time. Certainly, he is not perfect (no one is) but he is not bad either. And only for that I should thank GOD.
This documentary reminds me of the rituals Senegalese women use for their babies as well. There is panoply of things to do once a child is born until he is old enough. One of the most important one is probably the massage of the body. The baby is strongly massaged with what we call Karite- or shea butter all over his body. The ritual can seem pretty harsh for a new mother that is why the grand mother often executes it. The massage or “Damp” in my language helps shape the baby’s body. It is also very efficient if you want the baby to fall asleep. I remember once, my mother did the massage on my young baby cousin. She was screaming her breath out and her mother begged my mother to stop. However as soon as she finished the massage, the usually fussy baby fell immediately asleep. It was like witnessing a miracle.
The “Mbotu” or piece of cloth that is used to carry the baby on the back is also a very important ritual. A new mother needs to carry the baby on its back in order for her to do chores. It is also another way of helping the baby to sleep. Many Senegalese children grew up attached to their mother’s back. From that post, they witness several aspects of daily life and get to learn about them.
The Mbotu
image courtesy: www.inkycircus.com/jargon/images/african_baby...
One on hand, the documentary was very interesting in the sense that it taught me on simple thing: people from all over the world maybe different and may have different ways of caring for their babies. Nevertheless, the love they have for these little people is still the same. For example, mothers would have different ways of protecting their children against bad spirit or the evil eye (attaching amulets or applying oil to their babies’ body) but it is in the same spirit. .
On the other hand, the documentary made me feel sad: my Little Prince was not lucky enough to have all these rituals performed on him. I had my first born alone with my husband in the United States. My mother who was supposed to teach me all about the rituals could not be there to support me. Therefore, I was pretty much left to myself to welcome this new thing to the world and keep him there. My hubby was as clueless as I was. Certainly we received several advices from both my mother and my mother in law through the telephone. Nevertheless it could not replace having them there to help us out. Therefore my baby grew up without ever being really massaged. (I did try to massage with the Karite butter but as a new mother I was never as harsh as my own mother was). I never massaged his nose either trying to affinate it. And it took me several months before I was ready to use the Mbotu on him.
I was a clueless mother trying to protect her child by any means that I did not let him do things babies his age would. I would rarely let him be, or play afraid that he would hurt himself. As a result, he did not sit, crawl and walk as early as I thought he would.
Fortunately for us, we could come to visit our family back home more than three times in Little Prince three years on this earth. Therefore, we could catch up on the rites. I learned many things that I was supposed to do or that I should start to do for him. Sometimes, I was not sure about them- like the time my mother in law bought some copper anklet to put on Baby Boy’s to avoid nightmares. In fact, since we arrived in my country for a short holiday, Baby Boy was screaming at night obviously having nightmares. However, the moment he started to wear this copper anklet, he was sleeping like the baby he was. After this incident, it became hard for me to stay skeptical about those rituals.
I feel sorry for Baby Boy and myself because there is a huge amount of traditions that accompany a new mother and a new baby that we did not experienced. I wished I had my mother by my side telling me and showing me what to do. But it was not the case. So, I feel like I missed out. Nevertheless I will not complain. After all Little Prince turned out fine. When he was born, my husband used to say that he should apologize before hand to the baby because he would be like a cobaye to us. Since he was the first born to inexperienced and left out parents, there was a big chance that he would not turn out fine. However, now when I see him going, playing, talking, being this affectionate child that everyone loves, I say to myself that we both did a great job with what we had at the time. Certainly, he is not perfect (no one is) but he is not bad either. And only for that I should thank GOD.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Being apart for the first time
It has been a week since I was separated from my son. His father took him back to the States with him. Two months ago,I came home with my son just to visit family and relax. My son was supposed to stay with me until the end of our three months “holidays”. However, after more than a month away from his son, my husband felt that he needed to come down and visit him. And after spending some days with him, he felt like he had to take him back with him. It seems he missed him more than he thought he would.
At first, I was not for this change of plan. The reason was simple: Little Prince was always with me and I could not see myself being separated from him. Moreover, I was the principal care giver, so how on earth my hubby would manage taking care of him and working, without any help? Then, it hit me: if his father wanted to take care of Little Prince alone, why not let him try? Only then, would he understand how hard it is for me to take care of the baby. Moreover, with the baby gone, I could focus on resting and doing things I wanted to do but could not because of him.
So both hubby and baby left a week ago. Little Prince was so happy when he was leaving. He was saying that he was going back to Houston, that he would take the plane. He was so excited because he loves planes. I wondered if he truly understood the meaning of leaving me. Did he get that he would not see me for a month at least?
After a week, it seems that things are fine. According to his father who gives me news, he is settling in his life back in Houston. He is even attending a new day care. And Little Prince is spending quality time with his father at the pool or the park. He does not even ask about me.
As for myself, I am feeling fine. I thought that I might fall apart because it is the first time that I have been separated from Baby Boy. Since his birth I have not spend 24 hours away from him. Whenever he or I would go, at the end of the day, we would be together again. My life revolved around this little man. We would do everything together: sleep together, shower together, eat together, and play together. Therefore I was certain that I would miss his presence.
I do miss him. It is hard for me to go to bed early because I apprehend sleeping alone. I feel a bit sad when I look at his pictures. However, I am not dying of not seeing him. I may be bored because I do not have any activities. But I am doing fine.
It has only been a week, you would say. Maybe things would be different after a week or so. I may die of loneliness or cry myself to sleep. But I do not think so.
Overall, I am happy because this separation has taught me two things: that my Boy is stronger than I thought, and that I was stronger than I thought.
At first, I was not for this change of plan. The reason was simple: Little Prince was always with me and I could not see myself being separated from him. Moreover, I was the principal care giver, so how on earth my hubby would manage taking care of him and working, without any help? Then, it hit me: if his father wanted to take care of Little Prince alone, why not let him try? Only then, would he understand how hard it is for me to take care of the baby. Moreover, with the baby gone, I could focus on resting and doing things I wanted to do but could not because of him.
So both hubby and baby left a week ago. Little Prince was so happy when he was leaving. He was saying that he was going back to Houston, that he would take the plane. He was so excited because he loves planes. I wondered if he truly understood the meaning of leaving me. Did he get that he would not see me for a month at least?
After a week, it seems that things are fine. According to his father who gives me news, he is settling in his life back in Houston. He is even attending a new day care. And Little Prince is spending quality time with his father at the pool or the park. He does not even ask about me.
As for myself, I am feeling fine. I thought that I might fall apart because it is the first time that I have been separated from Baby Boy. Since his birth I have not spend 24 hours away from him. Whenever he or I would go, at the end of the day, we would be together again. My life revolved around this little man. We would do everything together: sleep together, shower together, eat together, and play together. Therefore I was certain that I would miss his presence.
I do miss him. It is hard for me to go to bed early because I apprehend sleeping alone. I feel a bit sad when I look at his pictures. However, I am not dying of not seeing him. I may be bored because I do not have any activities. But I am doing fine.
It has only been a week, you would say. Maybe things would be different after a week or so. I may die of loneliness or cry myself to sleep. But I do not think so.
Overall, I am happy because this separation has taught me two things: that my Boy is stronger than I thought, and that I was stronger than I thought.
Monday, May 11, 2009
"Sha" or why my son calls me by name?
My son is almost 3 years old now. He is very energetic, slightly bad because he does not listen. But he is not so terrible that I need Super Nanny's help. He is just behaving like any boy his age would.
Being short tempered, I am amazed at how many bad things he does I am able to accept. Yet, there is one thing that bothers me a bit: he does not call me "Mommy".
I know that any child his age and older should call his mother "Mommy". But for some reasons, my son calls me "Sha". "Sha" does not have any meaning at all. It is just his way of saying my name "Michelle". When he was younger it was difficult for him to pronounce the long name "Michelle". And even though he can say it now, he is used to call me "Sha". The only time he calls me "Mommy" is when he wants something from me such as food, or needs my attention.
I blame my husband for the fact that Little Prince calls me "Sha". I made all the effort to call my husband "Daddy" in front of my son, in order for him to take the habit of doing the same. However, my husband still calls me by my name in front of my son. He even stopped calling me by my entire name and uses the nickname "Sha" just like my son. Sometimes, when I get mad about it, I call my husband by name in front of my son. But it seems that there is no change at all. For my Little Prince, my husband is "Daddy" and I am "Sha".
Come to think of it, I used to hate when couples with children called each other "Daddy" and "Mommy". I used to think that they lost their identity as a married couple, as lovers and became some one's father and mother. I did not want to be one of those couples. My parents are the perfect example. My father calls my mother "Mommy" (not that he is a mommy's boy, but just by habit). And my mother does the same. They call each other by name on very rare occasions.
Should I be happy that my husband still calls me by name even though I call him Daddy? Or should I be worried that my son calls me by my name? Will it have any repercussions in the future?
I doubt it because "Sha" is just a nickname. My son knows that I am his mother. In all the 3 years we have been together, he never mistook me for someone else. His classmates at the daycare center, when they see me would call me Mommy and he would remind them that I am his mother not theirs. Therefore, I should not be worried. After all, it is just a name. It does not mean that he undermines me any less. He loves me whether I am "Mommy" or "Sha".
Being short tempered, I am amazed at how many bad things he does I am able to accept. Yet, there is one thing that bothers me a bit: he does not call me "Mommy".
I know that any child his age and older should call his mother "Mommy". But for some reasons, my son calls me "Sha". "Sha" does not have any meaning at all. It is just his way of saying my name "Michelle". When he was younger it was difficult for him to pronounce the long name "Michelle". And even though he can say it now, he is used to call me "Sha". The only time he calls me "Mommy" is when he wants something from me such as food, or needs my attention.
I blame my husband for the fact that Little Prince calls me "Sha". I made all the effort to call my husband "Daddy" in front of my son, in order for him to take the habit of doing the same. However, my husband still calls me by my name in front of my son. He even stopped calling me by my entire name and uses the nickname "Sha" just like my son. Sometimes, when I get mad about it, I call my husband by name in front of my son. But it seems that there is no change at all. For my Little Prince, my husband is "Daddy" and I am "Sha".
Come to think of it, I used to hate when couples with children called each other "Daddy" and "Mommy". I used to think that they lost their identity as a married couple, as lovers and became some one's father and mother. I did not want to be one of those couples. My parents are the perfect example. My father calls my mother "Mommy" (not that he is a mommy's boy, but just by habit). And my mother does the same. They call each other by name on very rare occasions.
Should I be happy that my husband still calls me by name even though I call him Daddy? Or should I be worried that my son calls me by my name? Will it have any repercussions in the future?
I doubt it because "Sha" is just a nickname. My son knows that I am his mother. In all the 3 years we have been together, he never mistook me for someone else. His classmates at the daycare center, when they see me would call me Mommy and he would remind them that I am his mother not theirs. Therefore, I should not be worried. After all, it is just a name. It does not mean that he undermines me any less. He loves me whether I am "Mommy" or "Sha".
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Being a working mother
Last Monday, on my way to work, I received a phone call from my child’s daycare. My son was having a fever and I was supposed to pick him up. I was upset. This could not happen at a better time. Just last week, my supervisor was urging me to bring in more results. She did not say that she wanted to fire me but she mentioned that it seemed pointless to pay me if I was doing nothing.
Therefore, imagine how I felt when just 5 seconds after my arrival at work, I had to tell her that I must leave. Certainly, it was an emergency and she would understand. However, the look she gave me said otherwise. I was so frustrated that I started to cry.
Eventually, I went to pick my baby up. He was very hot and sleepy; not his usual self. On my way home, I called his pediatrician to make an appointment, picked some food, and called my other supervisor to let her know that I would miss a day of work.
Upon arrival at home, I ate with my son, watched some TV and settle him to take a late nap. Then, finally alone, I got to think about being a working mother.
Before working, I was a stay at home mother. Everyday, I would do the same thing: wake up, feed my child, do some chores, watch TV, prepare lunch and or dinner, take a nap with my son, watch some more TV and if the weather was nice, take a walk outside. It was my routine. I was getting very bored. Every time, I looked outside and saw some woman wearing working clothes and getting into her car, I was envious. I could not wait to get out there, to start working. Let us just say, that I realized that I was not the housewife type.
When my son turned 15 months, we enrolled him in a day care not far from my house. At the beginning, he would just be there between the hours of 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM. The first two days, I stayed with him so he would not have anxiety. And after a week, I could leave him with his teachers and new classmates without a problem. I started to realize that I was free again. I went out using the bus. I went shopping at Target, checked out a local bookstore, had my hair done. It was such a delight to be able to do what I wanted to for a couple of hours. Things started to get crazy when my husband bought himself a new car and lent me the SUV. I was able to “travel” easier around town. Although driving was a new thing for me, I was bold enough to go explore beyond my comfort zone. And it was such a delight.
However, I was also using my new found freedom wisely. I began to job hunt. Everyday, I would spend hours in front of the computer, trying to respond to ads. I went to several interviews, with no success. I was getting frustrated but did not give up. I intended to find myself a good job. My problem was that I limited myself in the job hunt. I was looking for something I would probably be good at, with a good salary, and flexible hours or a 9 to 5 schedule without overtime or weekends. I wanted to be able to work but at the same time, still be able to take care of my family.
2 months after my son started school, I finally found a job I thought to be ideal: it was a part time coordinating job at an apartment complex. I had several tasks to accomplish every month. I was very excited about the job because it seemed to be something I would be good at and the pay was very good. And the fact that I was working part time and setting my own hours was a plus.
1 year and 4 months later, I want out. The job is more demanding that I thought it would be. The money is not enough for the amount of work and the frustration I deal with every day. And the people I work for are extremely inconsiderate and ungrateful. There was plenty of time when I just wanted to quit. Then, I reminded myself that I did not have anything else to do if I quit. Plus, I was getting used to having a paycheck at the end of the month, even if it was small. And believe me, when you are used to something, it is hard to let it go.
The hardest part of the job was that even though it was part time, I did not have time to take care of my family like I should do. Very often, I was so consumed by it that I could not relax and concentrate on being there for my husband or son. And it would be worse, when my son would fall sick.
My son being sick was like a slap across the face. I would take it personally. I would feel that his cold would be a result of me not making him wear heavier clothes; or that I did not cook a nutritious meal; or that I did not make sure he would get his 12 hours of sleep. I was blaming myself for not being a good mother. In my world, something wrong happens to the kid, I was to blame.
And that is exactly what happened this time. During the drive to pick him up from daycare, all I could think about was that I knew he was not feeling like himself in the morning, yet I took him to school. I thought he was just being cranky when in reality he had an ear infection- the doc told me the following day-. In the back of my mind, I was also thinking about how I was going to make it without being fired at work with all this illness. Because, I knew for a fact that not only would I not be able to work on Monday, but there was a high possibility that Tuesday was out of the question as well. What was I to do? And why on earth, did this all fall on me on such trying times?
2 days of staying at home, nurturing my kid, I calmed down. I actually had some great time staying at home with him. We watched TV, played with “Playdoh”, ate lunch together, and had a nap together. It was just like the old days when he was younger. I realized that being a stay at home mother was not bad after all. You stay away from all the stress of driving, and working. You just take care of your house and your family. It was not so bad after all.
Nevertheless, I still do not want to be a housewife. I like my freedom too much to just stay at home everyday. I like going out, doing things, and spending money. I like to work-even though my job is not what I would have picked for myself. I like the fact that I can make my own money. I do not want to depend on my husband. He is great but the world has taught me depending solely on a man to get by can become a dangerous path. I want to be able to provide for my child and myself. Plus, I am not the best housewife out there. That is why I like to be a working mother with all the hurdles, sacrifices, and pains that come with it.
Last week, I met with a neighbor outside of her apartment. Although she invited me to her apartment several times, I did not have the guts to go there. We had some things in common: she had children the same age as my son, and she used to live in my country. Anyway, that day we just chatted. She wanted to know if I liked working. I said that I enjoyed having the freedom to do so but that my job was not great. She said that she could not wait to find a good daycare for both of her kids and finally work. I could understand her frustration. I have been there and done that. She had 2 sons under the age of 3. She tried enrolling the older on to a daycare, but his experience was so bad that she had to pull him out. So now she had a nanny who was coming every weekday from 9 to 5. I knew about her nanny, having seeing her around from time to time. And she seemed so good with the kids that I always wanted to ask her about her rates just in case, Abou’s school was becoming too expensive. So imagine my surprise when my neighbor told me that her nanny was costing her $3000 every month. My jaw just dropped after hearing this.
After the chat, I went home thinking several things:
First of all, how could they afford $3000 every month on a nanny in these economic times? My son daycare was $780 every month. And I felt that it was way too much. I remember that when it was at $500, my mother in law told me that I should better send my son to her and let her raise him for way less. But back then it was not an option for me to abandon my child to his grandparents. It is still not. I know there are several other places that do way less, but after seeing baby boy adapt to his environment and getting attached to his teachers and classmates, I did not have the heart to move him.
Second, I was thinking that this nanny was making more than I did, actually she was making three times more. I could not help but feel jealous. I am sure her job is hard. It is no walk in the park for anyone who takes care of children because it is their duty or their job. Being a mother, I know that. However, I am sure that I should be paid much more for dealing with the brats I take care of on a daily basis.
Third, if ever hiring a nanny was on my to do list for the next months, knowing what they are paid, there is no way I could afford one now, or never. I mean putting $3000 a month on a nanny is just a waste of money. I could easily go home and have a nanny, a maid, a chauffeur, a cook, and even have some left with $3000.
I do not know anything about my neighbor, a part from what she divulged to me. And I do not want to judge her. I know it is hard being a mother of 2 children under the age of 2. Hell I have only one and I am suffering. So I can imagine her pain and why she felt the need to hire a nanny for $3000 a month. Maybe, for her and her husband, it is the price to pay to have a piece of mind, to be stable. I know that with only one child and no help whatsoever except daycare, I sometimes feel like I am having a meltdown. I just wish I had the money and the opportunity to hire help when I needed one. That is all.
Therefore, imagine how I felt when just 5 seconds after my arrival at work, I had to tell her that I must leave. Certainly, it was an emergency and she would understand. However, the look she gave me said otherwise. I was so frustrated that I started to cry.
Eventually, I went to pick my baby up. He was very hot and sleepy; not his usual self. On my way home, I called his pediatrician to make an appointment, picked some food, and called my other supervisor to let her know that I would miss a day of work.
Upon arrival at home, I ate with my son, watched some TV and settle him to take a late nap. Then, finally alone, I got to think about being a working mother.
Before working, I was a stay at home mother. Everyday, I would do the same thing: wake up, feed my child, do some chores, watch TV, prepare lunch and or dinner, take a nap with my son, watch some more TV and if the weather was nice, take a walk outside. It was my routine. I was getting very bored. Every time, I looked outside and saw some woman wearing working clothes and getting into her car, I was envious. I could not wait to get out there, to start working. Let us just say, that I realized that I was not the housewife type.
When my son turned 15 months, we enrolled him in a day care not far from my house. At the beginning, he would just be there between the hours of 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM. The first two days, I stayed with him so he would not have anxiety. And after a week, I could leave him with his teachers and new classmates without a problem. I started to realize that I was free again. I went out using the bus. I went shopping at Target, checked out a local bookstore, had my hair done. It was such a delight to be able to do what I wanted to for a couple of hours. Things started to get crazy when my husband bought himself a new car and lent me the SUV. I was able to “travel” easier around town. Although driving was a new thing for me, I was bold enough to go explore beyond my comfort zone. And it was such a delight.
However, I was also using my new found freedom wisely. I began to job hunt. Everyday, I would spend hours in front of the computer, trying to respond to ads. I went to several interviews, with no success. I was getting frustrated but did not give up. I intended to find myself a good job. My problem was that I limited myself in the job hunt. I was looking for something I would probably be good at, with a good salary, and flexible hours or a 9 to 5 schedule without overtime or weekends. I wanted to be able to work but at the same time, still be able to take care of my family.
2 months after my son started school, I finally found a job I thought to be ideal: it was a part time coordinating job at an apartment complex. I had several tasks to accomplish every month. I was very excited about the job because it seemed to be something I would be good at and the pay was very good. And the fact that I was working part time and setting my own hours was a plus.
1 year and 4 months later, I want out. The job is more demanding that I thought it would be. The money is not enough for the amount of work and the frustration I deal with every day. And the people I work for are extremely inconsiderate and ungrateful. There was plenty of time when I just wanted to quit. Then, I reminded myself that I did not have anything else to do if I quit. Plus, I was getting used to having a paycheck at the end of the month, even if it was small. And believe me, when you are used to something, it is hard to let it go.
The hardest part of the job was that even though it was part time, I did not have time to take care of my family like I should do. Very often, I was so consumed by it that I could not relax and concentrate on being there for my husband or son. And it would be worse, when my son would fall sick.
My son being sick was like a slap across the face. I would take it personally. I would feel that his cold would be a result of me not making him wear heavier clothes; or that I did not cook a nutritious meal; or that I did not make sure he would get his 12 hours of sleep. I was blaming myself for not being a good mother. In my world, something wrong happens to the kid, I was to blame.
And that is exactly what happened this time. During the drive to pick him up from daycare, all I could think about was that I knew he was not feeling like himself in the morning, yet I took him to school. I thought he was just being cranky when in reality he had an ear infection- the doc told me the following day-. In the back of my mind, I was also thinking about how I was going to make it without being fired at work with all this illness. Because, I knew for a fact that not only would I not be able to work on Monday, but there was a high possibility that Tuesday was out of the question as well. What was I to do? And why on earth, did this all fall on me on such trying times?
2 days of staying at home, nurturing my kid, I calmed down. I actually had some great time staying at home with him. We watched TV, played with “Playdoh”, ate lunch together, and had a nap together. It was just like the old days when he was younger. I realized that being a stay at home mother was not bad after all. You stay away from all the stress of driving, and working. You just take care of your house and your family. It was not so bad after all.
Nevertheless, I still do not want to be a housewife. I like my freedom too much to just stay at home everyday. I like going out, doing things, and spending money. I like to work-even though my job is not what I would have picked for myself. I like the fact that I can make my own money. I do not want to depend on my husband. He is great but the world has taught me depending solely on a man to get by can become a dangerous path. I want to be able to provide for my child and myself. Plus, I am not the best housewife out there. That is why I like to be a working mother with all the hurdles, sacrifices, and pains that come with it.
Last week, I met with a neighbor outside of her apartment. Although she invited me to her apartment several times, I did not have the guts to go there. We had some things in common: she had children the same age as my son, and she used to live in my country. Anyway, that day we just chatted. She wanted to know if I liked working. I said that I enjoyed having the freedom to do so but that my job was not great. She said that she could not wait to find a good daycare for both of her kids and finally work. I could understand her frustration. I have been there and done that. She had 2 sons under the age of 3. She tried enrolling the older on to a daycare, but his experience was so bad that she had to pull him out. So now she had a nanny who was coming every weekday from 9 to 5. I knew about her nanny, having seeing her around from time to time. And she seemed so good with the kids that I always wanted to ask her about her rates just in case, Abou’s school was becoming too expensive. So imagine my surprise when my neighbor told me that her nanny was costing her $3000 every month. My jaw just dropped after hearing this.
After the chat, I went home thinking several things:
First of all, how could they afford $3000 every month on a nanny in these economic times? My son daycare was $780 every month. And I felt that it was way too much. I remember that when it was at $500, my mother in law told me that I should better send my son to her and let her raise him for way less. But back then it was not an option for me to abandon my child to his grandparents. It is still not. I know there are several other places that do way less, but after seeing baby boy adapt to his environment and getting attached to his teachers and classmates, I did not have the heart to move him.
Second, I was thinking that this nanny was making more than I did, actually she was making three times more. I could not help but feel jealous. I am sure her job is hard. It is no walk in the park for anyone who takes care of children because it is their duty or their job. Being a mother, I know that. However, I am sure that I should be paid much more for dealing with the brats I take care of on a daily basis.
Third, if ever hiring a nanny was on my to do list for the next months, knowing what they are paid, there is no way I could afford one now, or never. I mean putting $3000 a month on a nanny is just a waste of money. I could easily go home and have a nanny, a maid, a chauffeur, a cook, and even have some left with $3000.
I do not know anything about my neighbor, a part from what she divulged to me. And I do not want to judge her. I know it is hard being a mother of 2 children under the age of 2. Hell I have only one and I am suffering. So I can imagine her pain and why she felt the need to hire a nanny for $3000 a month. Maybe, for her and her husband, it is the price to pay to have a piece of mind, to be stable. I know that with only one child and no help whatsoever except daycare, I sometimes feel like I am having a meltdown. I just wish I had the money and the opportunity to hire help when I needed one. That is all.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Octomom
The American scene has been moved by a rush of stories since the new year: from the Miracle of the Hudson plane landing to the Chris Brown- Rihanna brawl en passant by this stimulus plan that has yet to be signed. But there is another story that shocked me more than the others. And it is about Octomom.
If you have not heard about Octomom yet, let me tell you what I know about her (from the media of course). She is a 33 years old woman who recently gave birth to eight children. Congratulations to her, you would said. But wait! There is more to the story. Apparently, she already have 6 more children waiting for her at home aged from 7 to 2 years old. She wanted children and asked her doctor for fertility drugs and to be inseminated with 6 eggs (two of them separated and formed two extra embryos).Plus she is a single mother and is unemployed-although she states that she is going to school-.
What is shocking about this story is that from the beginning, Miss Suleman seemed reluctant to appear in front of the media. People- like Whoppie from the View- were even urging her to do so because she may need some financial help to take care of the children. But the more time passed, the more it became clear that Miss Suleman was indeed interested to sell her story to the highest bidder. First she hired a publicist; then she went on the Today show. And finally, she has set up a website where people could donate money or items for her octuplets.
The latest story that has surfaced about her is that she is channeling Angelina Jolie-whom she kind of looks like-and even went so far as to write to her in the past.
I do not know what her whole story is, particularly because the media do not paint the whole truth sometimes. And usually, I do not judge people unless I walk a mile in their shoes, but what is wrong with that woman? Is she so obsessed with having children? She said in an interview that she always wanted many children to make up for her dysfunctional childhood. Or is she just another nutcase who wants to buy her way into fame by using innocent children?
I do not know- But this much I know: I am mad at this woman. I am mad because she is irresponsible to have 14 children all under age, to be single and not working? I mean, how on earth is she going to provide for her kids? What are the odds that she can sell the first pics of her babies for millions like Angelina Jolie did? I mean the odds are high considering that she is still news. However millions will surely soon disappear with 14 children to feed and take care of. And how will she take care of all of them while working (because she plans on working soon)?
I love children. I always thought that-like Nadia or Michelle Duggar- I would get a football team of children. However, ever since I gave birth to my son I just realise that I could not and do not want a football team. That is why I have a big problem with Nadia Suleman. I mean when I see myself struggling everyday to raise my child even though I am married and I have a job. There are some days I just want to run away as far as I could from motherhood because it is the hardest job out there. I wonder how will she be able to cope with 14 children.
My husband seem to think that this woman is great for just having 14 children. In a way he is right. GOD ask us to replenish the earth; "have children and I will provide for them" He ordered. However, I believe that there are limits. In this horrible economy, what are the odds that Nadia's children will be well taken care of? Are the tax payers going to provide for them? Will she be going on welfare-although she states that she would never (amid reports that surfaced saying that she was already on welfare with her previous 6 children)?
Who am I to judge her? We all know about Michelle Duggar who had 18 children in the past 20 years-and still wants to keep on going. We also know about the Gosselin couple with their twins daughters and sextuplets all under 10 years old. But there is a difference between them and Nadia. The Duggars wanted a big family, they had their kids all at different times (1 or 2 years apart), and they do everything they can to manage economically without being on welfare. The Gosselins, at least the father works to provide for the family and I am sure having a TV show does help. Maybe that is what Nadia is aiming for: a TV show about her and her kids?
All I know is that I feel sorry for those kids because they will never have the love they deserve from their mother.(And what about the absence of the father? Where is he in all this mess?) I mean she can do the best she can by loving them but there is no way that she would be able to show it to them all at the same time. There is the pessimistic me that thinks that some years down the road, some of those kids are going to end up in the system, in jail or in the streets.
I do pray GOD that this would never happen but what are the odds?
For more info about the
-Duggar Family go to http://www.duggarfamily.com/
-Gosselin family go to http://www.sixgosselins.com/
-Octomom go to http://www.thenadyasulemanfamily.com/
Thursday, February 05, 2009
The Baby and the Dump (or the hurdles of Potty Training)
I have tried to potty trained my little boy since I do not remember when. It had been hard with little progress and great frustrations. I would like to recall on all those events.
The first time I tried to potty train my Boy was when he was 6 months and not even crawling. I was back home visiting my family and in laws. My Mother in law-ever so diligent in telling me how to raise her first grandson (making him her little “husband” since he was named after her husband) bought a potty for him. She said that it was never too early for him to learn about the potty. I found it hilarious but what was I supposed to do. I put the boy on the potty and he liked it. It was also a way to make him learn how to sit down. I started to make him sit on the potty regularly. But as you would expect no poop was coming out.
After we returned to the States, I brought the potty back with me. I have to admit that I did not use it as often as I should. Baby Boy eventually learned how to crawl and walk but for him the potty was just another place to sit and nothing else. Meanwhile, he kind of enjoyed pooping on his diaper. He would stop whatever he was doing, bend his knees a bit and make this oomph sound while doing his business standing up. He kind of enjoyed it. I was wondering how I was ever going to make him poop in his potty now that he got the habit of pooping in his diaper standing up.
When Baby Boy turned 1 year and a half, my husband gave me a challenge: if I successfully make Baby boy use the potty before his second birthday I would receive a 100 dollars worth of jewelry from him. It was a way for him to motivate me to make Baby boy use the potty; which I have to admit I was not for whatever reasons (probably laziness on my part). I tried, not so hard but I tried. Turns out that even past his second birthday, Baby Boy was still not using the potty. I do not know but jewelry was not doing it for me.
What my husband and I did not understand was that we could not force Baby Boy into using the potty if he was not ready to use it. We would get mad at him for pooping in his diapers after repeatedly telling him where to poop. I would get frustrated when younger kids at his daycare were obviously using the potty without any issue and he could not. But all our emotions and anticipations did not matter as long as Little Prince was not ready. It was a bad tactic to force him or yell at him because Baby Boy did not have the maturity to understand what was a potty and how to use it.
As the months passed, we did make some progress on the pee side. By some miraculous way, Baby boy was sitting on his potty and peeing without a problem. He was two years and 11 months now. Then we went home for the holidays. And for whatever reason, he started to want to pee standing up like adults. He must have seen his father or his young cousin doing it and wanted to try it for himself. He made it a game because many times he asked me to take him to the bathroom but he did not do nothing. He just like the idea of going to the bathroom, pull down his pants and diapers, touching his penis and pretending to do the deed while he made a funny noise-that of the water coming out of his penis-. The first few times, I found it funny but after several false alarms I was getting annoyed. Nevertheless I kept on with his game because I did not want to take away his eagerness to use the adults’ toilets.
To my frustration, no progress was being made on the pooping side. He would sit on the potty for hours sometimes but nothing would come out. And as soon as I put a diaper on him, he would poop it fully. I was on the verge on giving up and letting his teacher at daycare do all the dirty work. I know! What kind of a Mommy was I? But to be honest, I was just at wit ends. My husband was having the same feeling although he did not express it at loud. On January 2009, Baby Boy’s teacher started the potty training with him, also recommending me to do the same at home. By that time, Baby Boy was already going to pee by himself, pulling his pants down, and washing himself with the tissue papers all by himself. Sometimes, he did not even want me to help. He would stop play and tell me: “Mommy! I will be right back!” I would respond: “ Need some help?” And he would answer nonchalantly: “No!” I was really proud of him but my pride was tainted because he was still not pooping in his potty.
Two weeks after he started the potty training at school, his teacher took me aside when I was picking him up at daycare. She informed me that Little Prince was not using the potty at all. And he did not even inform them when he wanted to pee. I found it very surprising considering the fact that at home, he tells me every time he wants to pee. I was not sure what the problem was. I was thinking that maybe he was not comfortable using the potty at school. Since he enrolled at the school, they changed the location. Beginning from January, he was in a brand-new school with new rooms, new toys. His classmates and he were so excited about the new school that for a week, they could not go on naptime. They would lie awake, sometimes making noises or just wanting to go play. So I figure that I needed to make Baby Boy comfortable about his new potty but making him use it. What happened was a catastrophe. Baby Boy categorically refused to use it and started to cry. While he was wailing he told me he wanted to go play with his friends who were enjoying story time with their teacher. Then, it hit me: Baby Boy did not want to use the potty because he was not used to it; he did not want to use it because he did not want to miss out on all the fun at school. So what were we to do? I have to say that it was the least of my concerns. I explained to the teacher what I believed were his apprehensions and then let her deal with it. After all, I was paying her a good deal of money to do it. As for me, I would keep on the work at home. Hey, let us face I could not be at two places at one time.
So I kept on leading Baby Boy to the potty. When he woke up in the morning, I would tell him to go pee. He would oblige, then after his breakfast, he would offer to go potty before his shower. But then nothing would happen. I was always disappointed but I kept on with the talk. I was worried but not too much; after all some kids do not completely master the arts of potty before they hit 3. I was thinking, if I just keep up and be consistent one day he would do it.
Then, the big day happened: today at 8 something in the morning, Baby Boy did a big dump in the adults’ toilets. I was so happy I hugged him, then called his dad who was on his way to work to tell him the good news. Well, it happened when I was expecting it the least. I just thought I would put him on the toilet instead of the potty because eventually he would need to use it and they use a toilet at school. He sat there singing and making funny faces for about 8 minutes. Then I heard him moan. The next thing I know I checked the bowl and saw this huge adult poop in it. I was so happy. That was a big dump. I do not know what made him do it there. One of my girlfriends used to say that she could take a dump easier when she was crouching than sitting. I always found the idea funny but not today. Who knows? Maybe the fact that Baby boy had his butt hanging in the air on the big toilet giving him the effect of crouching forced him to poop.
I know this was the first time. There is no assurance that he would repeat it next time he wants to poop, he would do it in the toilet. He may even keep doing it in his diapers. So I am maybe overreacting. Because that is the deal with children, they can take a big step and the next thing you know, they regress. Baby Boy did it several times: he would start to sleep all alone, then after a while he would want to have him in the bed. Or he would be able to eat by himself, then all of the sudden he would want me to feed him. I guess, part of it was my fault because I was not consistent. Nevertheless, this is a big step and I just have to keep on going. And one day we will get there: no more diapers.
Check this funny youtube video about baby poop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRsPGLwvwXk&feature=PlayList&p=77157099F9EFC844&index=8
The first time I tried to potty train my Boy was when he was 6 months and not even crawling. I was back home visiting my family and in laws. My Mother in law-ever so diligent in telling me how to raise her first grandson (making him her little “husband” since he was named after her husband) bought a potty for him. She said that it was never too early for him to learn about the potty. I found it hilarious but what was I supposed to do. I put the boy on the potty and he liked it. It was also a way to make him learn how to sit down. I started to make him sit on the potty regularly. But as you would expect no poop was coming out.
After we returned to the States, I brought the potty back with me. I have to admit that I did not use it as often as I should. Baby Boy eventually learned how to crawl and walk but for him the potty was just another place to sit and nothing else. Meanwhile, he kind of enjoyed pooping on his diaper. He would stop whatever he was doing, bend his knees a bit and make this oomph sound while doing his business standing up. He kind of enjoyed it. I was wondering how I was ever going to make him poop in his potty now that he got the habit of pooping in his diaper standing up.
When Baby Boy turned 1 year and a half, my husband gave me a challenge: if I successfully make Baby boy use the potty before his second birthday I would receive a 100 dollars worth of jewelry from him. It was a way for him to motivate me to make Baby boy use the potty; which I have to admit I was not for whatever reasons (probably laziness on my part). I tried, not so hard but I tried. Turns out that even past his second birthday, Baby Boy was still not using the potty. I do not know but jewelry was not doing it for me.
What my husband and I did not understand was that we could not force Baby Boy into using the potty if he was not ready to use it. We would get mad at him for pooping in his diapers after repeatedly telling him where to poop. I would get frustrated when younger kids at his daycare were obviously using the potty without any issue and he could not. But all our emotions and anticipations did not matter as long as Little Prince was not ready. It was a bad tactic to force him or yell at him because Baby Boy did not have the maturity to understand what was a potty and how to use it.
As the months passed, we did make some progress on the pee side. By some miraculous way, Baby boy was sitting on his potty and peeing without a problem. He was two years and 11 months now. Then we went home for the holidays. And for whatever reason, he started to want to pee standing up like adults. He must have seen his father or his young cousin doing it and wanted to try it for himself. He made it a game because many times he asked me to take him to the bathroom but he did not do nothing. He just like the idea of going to the bathroom, pull down his pants and diapers, touching his penis and pretending to do the deed while he made a funny noise-that of the water coming out of his penis-. The first few times, I found it funny but after several false alarms I was getting annoyed. Nevertheless I kept on with his game because I did not want to take away his eagerness to use the adults’ toilets.
To my frustration, no progress was being made on the pooping side. He would sit on the potty for hours sometimes but nothing would come out. And as soon as I put a diaper on him, he would poop it fully. I was on the verge on giving up and letting his teacher at daycare do all the dirty work. I know! What kind of a Mommy was I? But to be honest, I was just at wit ends. My husband was having the same feeling although he did not express it at loud. On January 2009, Baby Boy’s teacher started the potty training with him, also recommending me to do the same at home. By that time, Baby Boy was already going to pee by himself, pulling his pants down, and washing himself with the tissue papers all by himself. Sometimes, he did not even want me to help. He would stop play and tell me: “Mommy! I will be right back!” I would respond: “ Need some help?” And he would answer nonchalantly: “No!” I was really proud of him but my pride was tainted because he was still not pooping in his potty.
Two weeks after he started the potty training at school, his teacher took me aside when I was picking him up at daycare. She informed me that Little Prince was not using the potty at all. And he did not even inform them when he wanted to pee. I found it very surprising considering the fact that at home, he tells me every time he wants to pee. I was not sure what the problem was. I was thinking that maybe he was not comfortable using the potty at school. Since he enrolled at the school, they changed the location. Beginning from January, he was in a brand-new school with new rooms, new toys. His classmates and he were so excited about the new school that for a week, they could not go on naptime. They would lie awake, sometimes making noises or just wanting to go play. So I figure that I needed to make Baby Boy comfortable about his new potty but making him use it. What happened was a catastrophe. Baby Boy categorically refused to use it and started to cry. While he was wailing he told me he wanted to go play with his friends who were enjoying story time with their teacher. Then, it hit me: Baby Boy did not want to use the potty because he was not used to it; he did not want to use it because he did not want to miss out on all the fun at school. So what were we to do? I have to say that it was the least of my concerns. I explained to the teacher what I believed were his apprehensions and then let her deal with it. After all, I was paying her a good deal of money to do it. As for me, I would keep on the work at home. Hey, let us face I could not be at two places at one time.
So I kept on leading Baby Boy to the potty. When he woke up in the morning, I would tell him to go pee. He would oblige, then after his breakfast, he would offer to go potty before his shower. But then nothing would happen. I was always disappointed but I kept on with the talk. I was worried but not too much; after all some kids do not completely master the arts of potty before they hit 3. I was thinking, if I just keep up and be consistent one day he would do it.
Then, the big day happened: today at 8 something in the morning, Baby Boy did a big dump in the adults’ toilets. I was so happy I hugged him, then called his dad who was on his way to work to tell him the good news. Well, it happened when I was expecting it the least. I just thought I would put him on the toilet instead of the potty because eventually he would need to use it and they use a toilet at school. He sat there singing and making funny faces for about 8 minutes. Then I heard him moan. The next thing I know I checked the bowl and saw this huge adult poop in it. I was so happy. That was a big dump. I do not know what made him do it there. One of my girlfriends used to say that she could take a dump easier when she was crouching than sitting. I always found the idea funny but not today. Who knows? Maybe the fact that Baby boy had his butt hanging in the air on the big toilet giving him the effect of crouching forced him to poop.
I know this was the first time. There is no assurance that he would repeat it next time he wants to poop, he would do it in the toilet. He may even keep doing it in his diapers. So I am maybe overreacting. Because that is the deal with children, they can take a big step and the next thing you know, they regress. Baby Boy did it several times: he would start to sleep all alone, then after a while he would want to have him in the bed. Or he would be able to eat by himself, then all of the sudden he would want me to feed him. I guess, part of it was my fault because I was not consistent. Nevertheless, this is a big step and I just have to keep on going. And one day we will get there: no more diapers.
Check this funny youtube video about baby poop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRsPGLwvwXk&feature=PlayList&p=77157099F9EFC844&index=8
Friday, January 16, 2009
The Second Time Around
I checked it twice. The sign was not clear at all. I read the instructions again to be sure. It did say that I was pregnant but I was not a hundred percent sure. I called my doctor, or the nurse to take an appointment. Apparently, you need to be hundred percent sure before you could go see your doctor about a pregnancy. What is she here for anyway?
There I was on a Monday morning (the 12th of January to be exact). I just came from the Walmart where I purchased the cheapest pregnancy test. I knew I needed to get the one where it is clearly marked "pregnant" or "not pregnant". But I was stingy because if I was not pregnant it would be a waste of money to get the most expensive one.
I decided to take a test after 3 weeks of feeling miserable about myself. I was very tired all the time, I did not have enough energy, I would go to bed at 9:00 PM (which if you know me at all, would understand that is way too early). I was having some bad cramps but not having my periods. I felt odd inside my body. At first, I just thought that it was because I was depressed, but then it crossed my mind that I was 3 weeks late. For someone who would have her period even twice a month, that was unusual.
So, I decided to take the test that Monday. And since I was not sure about the result, the Tuesday I went and bought a more accurate test and did it. Barely 3 seconds after I pee on it, It said "Pregnant". I said "hallelujah". I was happy.
Now I had to tell my husband.
The first time I told him I was pregnant with our first born, we were just coming out of a fight. He barely looked at me and said "I know". I was so sad and to this day I cannot let it go. I always thought that husbands were supposed to be happy to have their wives pregnant. I always imagined that if I do get pregnant and tell him, he would lift me into the air, give me huge kisses and tell me he loves me. But he did not. So, imagine my reticence as to telling him the second time around.
What I did is that I started to throw hints at him. I told him that I was not feeling well lately. He asked me about my last period but did not say a word about the lack of it. Then I called him after I took an appointment with my OBGYN. He still did not say anything. I was always waiting for the right time, the perfect moment. And the more I waited, the madder I get that he did not see what was going on. So, on a Thursday morning, when he came to kiss our son goodbye before he went to work, I just blurted it out. He looked at me and said "and you are telling me now? Now that I have no time to react and must go to work?" I responded that I was sorry but I could not find the right time so there I laid it out. He left. Then came back to kiss me on the cheek and say congratulations. He also asked me if I was happy to which I answered that I was exhausted. I called him later that day and he told me that he was still mad that I had told him that way.
Truthfully,I do not know how he feels about this pregnancy. He wanted another child for so long that I hope that he is thrilled. However, we did agree that now was not the right timing to get a baby on the way. So I do not know. And I am scared to ask.
But the truth is I do not have the time to really care. I am too tired with this pregnancy- which seems like is going to be a tough one-to be able to deal with his emotions. Frankly, it is all about me now that I am pregnant and he needs to deal with that. Not the other way around. I am pregnant and that gives me the right to be a little bit selfish, no? And he will just have to learn to live with that for the next 8 months or so.... (Sorry Darling!!!)
There I was on a Monday morning (the 12th of January to be exact). I just came from the Walmart where I purchased the cheapest pregnancy test. I knew I needed to get the one where it is clearly marked "pregnant" or "not pregnant". But I was stingy because if I was not pregnant it would be a waste of money to get the most expensive one.
I decided to take a test after 3 weeks of feeling miserable about myself. I was very tired all the time, I did not have enough energy, I would go to bed at 9:00 PM (which if you know me at all, would understand that is way too early). I was having some bad cramps but not having my periods. I felt odd inside my body. At first, I just thought that it was because I was depressed, but then it crossed my mind that I was 3 weeks late. For someone who would have her period even twice a month, that was unusual.
So, I decided to take the test that Monday. And since I was not sure about the result, the Tuesday I went and bought a more accurate test and did it. Barely 3 seconds after I pee on it, It said "Pregnant". I said "hallelujah". I was happy.
Now I had to tell my husband.
The first time I told him I was pregnant with our first born, we were just coming out of a fight. He barely looked at me and said "I know". I was so sad and to this day I cannot let it go. I always thought that husbands were supposed to be happy to have their wives pregnant. I always imagined that if I do get pregnant and tell him, he would lift me into the air, give me huge kisses and tell me he loves me. But he did not. So, imagine my reticence as to telling him the second time around.
What I did is that I started to throw hints at him. I told him that I was not feeling well lately. He asked me about my last period but did not say a word about the lack of it. Then I called him after I took an appointment with my OBGYN. He still did not say anything. I was always waiting for the right time, the perfect moment. And the more I waited, the madder I get that he did not see what was going on. So, on a Thursday morning, when he came to kiss our son goodbye before he went to work, I just blurted it out. He looked at me and said "and you are telling me now? Now that I have no time to react and must go to work?" I responded that I was sorry but I could not find the right time so there I laid it out. He left. Then came back to kiss me on the cheek and say congratulations. He also asked me if I was happy to which I answered that I was exhausted. I called him later that day and he told me that he was still mad that I had told him that way.
Truthfully,I do not know how he feels about this pregnancy. He wanted another child for so long that I hope that he is thrilled. However, we did agree that now was not the right timing to get a baby on the way. So I do not know. And I am scared to ask.
But the truth is I do not have the time to really care. I am too tired with this pregnancy- which seems like is going to be a tough one-to be able to deal with his emotions. Frankly, it is all about me now that I am pregnant and he needs to deal with that. Not the other way around. I am pregnant and that gives me the right to be a little bit selfish, no? And he will just have to learn to live with that for the next 8 months or so.... (Sorry Darling!!!)
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