After moving to Pune, one of the hardest thing to do was find ways to entertain the children. Pune being a small town, it does not have many fun ways to entertain the children compared to Japan where I just had to walk down the street to one of the biggest park in Yokohama. However, after a while one hears of this place or another and decides to try it. Therefore here I give you a list of all the places I go to for the children.
1- Arcades
Pune would be nothing without arcades like Fun city in Phoenix Mall and Timezone in Inorbit mall. There are places with video games or other fun things with buttons and loud music that the kids seem to enjoy these days. There are even small playground, carousels, bowling alleys added to the mix. And they all have the same process: present rupees in exchange of a card, and swipe that card to start any game. I usually pay Rps 250 games for both kids and they enjoy roughly four games each. Plus some of those games offer tickets that can get you rewards. Timezone has cheaper games than Fun city but I think Fun city is more posh. There is also a new one called High Octane in Seasons Mall. It is funny that how when we arrived I hated those places for being too noisy. Now I could not do without them.
2- Joggers park
Joggers park is a small park (compared to the one we had in Yokohama) with playground, lots of green and a path for walkers and joggers. There is one located in Kalyani Nagar that we patronize. It is open every day in the early morning and late afternoon (it gets too hot mid days so it is closed). I found the playground to be dangerous and small at the beginning but everything looks better in time. My kids like to go there to play in the playground and run around the field, climbing trees, or playing Frisbee. It is perfect for play dates you do not want to have at your house. Furthermore it cost only 1 Rupee for entrance. There are many others so called Joggers park in the area (one in Koregaon park) but I prefer this one.
3- Kids club
Pune offers a wide range of kids activities whether as after school activities or summer camps. There are many I could list but so far I only tried one and I liked it. Artsphere, which is opposite Joggers park in Kalyani Nagar offers many activities for kids like dancing, sports and such. My kids used to take the Lego Brick on Brick activity during which they would build machines using legos and computers. They loved it. Often, I find that clubs like these are not as liable or professional so for a while I was hesitant to even enroll my kids. But that was not the case here. The best place to start looking for such activities is at your children school, than by asking other parents (try the Indian mothers first, then expats) or checking the newspaper for ads.
4- Cinemas
Cinemas are cheap in India and there are so many in every area that they are hard to miss. And India does provide many international movies and almost all Pixar and Disney movies. Since we have been here, my kids (and I) managed to watch all the latest children movies: Frozen, The Croods, Epic, Big hero 6, How to train your dragon 2, The Lego movie and so much more. I usually go on Wednesday afternoons after school because it is less crowded and cheaper. Weekends could be crazy depending on where you go. Indian cinemas are very good with nice clean seats, good (and overpriced) food and good screening quality. I like Big gold cinemas which is next to my house but PVR in Koregaon park is newer, nicer and offer 3D glasses that suits the kids face. I also heard that the cinema in Season mall is the best but I have yet to try it.
5- Happy Streets
This activity is fairly recent in Pune but it is very good. The city along with the Times of India newspaper have started what they call Happy Streets. Every Sunday from 7 till 10 AM, streets from an area of the city are closed and people come out to enjoy walking, cycling, yoga, zumba, soccer..whatever fun activity is provided from local vendors. Two months ago, it was my areas turn and the family went for a walk that was soothing because we were not afraid of being honked or run over by passing cars. The event is fairly unorganized but it is such a thrill to walk freely on the streets, saying hello to neighbors and enjoying the air. I just wished they did it everywhere in the city instead of taking turns. It may cause some traffic jams but it worth it on Sunday morning.
There you have it, my list of all entertaining things to do for kids. For more information, you can check Mycity4kids.com .
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Friday, May 15, 2015
Women are always winning!
I was having breakfast the other day with my children. We were happily chatting while enjoying some South Indian food when my younger son told me: "Mom! Women are always winning!". I stopped eating and had to ask him twice to repeat. Then I got mad and asked him:" Please tell me when are women winning?"
He went on to explain that in his class girls are always first. And his older brother joined in by adding that in cartoons and movies, girls were winning as well.
I was so irritated by this statement that I told them that only in fiction were women winning but in real life we were the losers. I went on to show to my older son an article on the newspaper about a man who killed his wife, mother and daughter because apparently he was stressed over property dispute with his brothers. I told my sons that women all over the world were paid less for doing the same job as men and sometimes twice as them. I told them that Scarlett Johansson who plays Black widow they like so much in the Avengers movie was probably paid less than Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, Thor and all the rest of the men superheroes even if she pulled her weight and more in the movie.
I wanted to tell them more but they were too young to understand. They were too young to understand that every day women are being raped and tortured sometimes in their own homes, and by the men who were supposed to take care of them. I could not tell them that women work hard in and out of the home while men went to work and came home to watch football all the while complaining that their dinner was not tasty enough. I could not tell them that women are more likely to never be promoted to a higher level or given more responsibilities because they may go on maternity leave. I could not tell them that men who went around bedding women were considered playboys and studs while women who so much dare as to ogle a guy are called sluts.I could not tell them that women who commit adultery in some countries are being killed while the same man they committed the deed with goes free. I could not tell them that some women had acid thrown at their faces because they rejected a man. I could not tell them that women around the world are less educated, work hard and are less paid, more likely to abandon their own dreams to support their families, more at risk of being sexually harassed and or assaulted, abused and killed. No, I could not tell them all that for they are too young to understand.
There are so many things that women endure on the daily basis. And we may know only a fraction of what is actually happening. We have the burden of the world on our shoulders and yet we are not being helped, acknowledged or loved. My kids think that it is special treatment that women get on Women's day. But why is it that we celebrate Women's day and not Men's day? The reason is because around the world women are not being appreciated and for only one day it is important to shade light on that. Mother's day is the same. It was probably created by some florists or chocolate retailers eager to get more profits but in truth it is to give a break to poor mothers out there.
I am not a feminist whatever the word means. I am not so dumb to believe that there is equality between men and women because there is none. We were created with different purpose. But I do believe that women were created far more superior that man. We are capable of enduring far worse than men and still find the strength to move on. A woman who had her whole beautiful face destroyed by an acid attack found strength to pardon her attacker. A woman who was gang raped found strength to give birth and love the child that came out of the attack. We are survivors. And we do not wait for men to pick us up dust us off. We may dream of the knight in shining armor but most of us know that we are our own rescuer.
I grew up thinking that men had it easier than women. I used to resent the fact that after coming home from school my brothers could just go on playing soccer while I had to do the dishes. I used to resent the fact that my brothers could go out at odd hours of the day and night but if I tried the same, my parents would be all over me. I resented the fact that I was told that I could always find a husband as fall back if I did not do well at school. I resented the fact that even being tired from an outing at the beach with my entire family, I still had to come home and cook Sunday diner while my brothers watch wrestling on TV. And I had it easy compared to millions of girls who do not go to school because they have to work to provide for their families. I had it easy because I chose my husband instead of being sold off at a young age. I had it easy because of my parents but mostly my father. He is the best man I know. Growing up I worshiped the ground beneath his feet and I still do. I hold every man I meet to his standards. If they were not like him, then they were not worthy. But my father is not perfect. The older I get, the more flawed he is to me. And that is okay because at the end of the day he is a human. Even the most perfect human being is flawed. God made us that way. Yet, my father treated my mother with respect and helped her become a better human being. He is very much the Alpha male but that did not stop him from encouraging and supporting her. Furthermore, he treated me well even better than my own brothers. He spoiled me rotten. And he always told me that women did not have to be inside the kitchen. He had high hopes and dreams for me and he would have done anything to make me make them come true. But he did not push those dreams on me and let me chose my own path and make my own decisions.
I come from a society where men are the Alpha. They provide for the entire family therefore everyone should respect them. Their only job is to bring home the bacon and nothing else. They do not cook, do not clean (even after themselves), do not look after the children. That is the domain of the wife and it does not matter whether or not she works outside of the house and also brings part of that bacon. In my country, a woman who works hard to please her husband is considered good while one who works too much and comes home late is frowned upon. I remember once having a conversation with a group of friends. A friend of mine who is romantic was saying that she would love to have a husband who would make her breakfast in bed every now and then. Everyone around her myself included started laughing and shaking their heads as we knew that if ever she married a man from our country this would probably never happened. Some men told her point blank that they would never do that for their women. It made her sad but she was still naive, she still believed. And it made me sad as well because I could not understand what was so demeaning in making your wife breakfast.
I hope my kids grow up to be strong men, but I pray that they know that being a strong man does not mean putting a woman down. I want them to have good wives who would love and cherish them but I also want them to love and cherish those wives. I want them to treat them like they are the most precious human beings on earth. I want them to have children and treat them like precious pearls. If they have women friends, relatives or colleagues, to treat them with reverence and respect. If ever they have daughters, I want them to teach those daughters that they have to fight for what they want, that they have to fight for a place in the sun. And I want them to encourage them to be strong independent women. I want them to know and understand that women are not their toys (sex toys), their dumping grounds, their punching bags. I would rather have them being hurt by women, than they hurt women. But my job as a mother is not only to pray and hope, but it is also to teach them. If I teach them how to be gentle, then in turn they would be gentle.If I teach them how to love and nurture, then in turn they would love and nurture. My job as a mother is not only to bathe them, comb their hair and prepare their meals. It is to make sure that they grow with good values and have great characters. They will have flaws for sure but I would be satisfied if their only flaws are too good of a heart. Because after all, it is even what the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said in one Hadith: "The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those who are best to their women."
Enough said!
He went on to explain that in his class girls are always first. And his older brother joined in by adding that in cartoons and movies, girls were winning as well.
I was so irritated by this statement that I told them that only in fiction were women winning but in real life we were the losers. I went on to show to my older son an article on the newspaper about a man who killed his wife, mother and daughter because apparently he was stressed over property dispute with his brothers. I told my sons that women all over the world were paid less for doing the same job as men and sometimes twice as them. I told them that Scarlett Johansson who plays Black widow they like so much in the Avengers movie was probably paid less than Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, Thor and all the rest of the men superheroes even if she pulled her weight and more in the movie.
I wanted to tell them more but they were too young to understand. They were too young to understand that every day women are being raped and tortured sometimes in their own homes, and by the men who were supposed to take care of them. I could not tell them that women work hard in and out of the home while men went to work and came home to watch football all the while complaining that their dinner was not tasty enough. I could not tell them that women are more likely to never be promoted to a higher level or given more responsibilities because they may go on maternity leave. I could not tell them that men who went around bedding women were considered playboys and studs while women who so much dare as to ogle a guy are called sluts.I could not tell them that women who commit adultery in some countries are being killed while the same man they committed the deed with goes free. I could not tell them that some women had acid thrown at their faces because they rejected a man. I could not tell them that women around the world are less educated, work hard and are less paid, more likely to abandon their own dreams to support their families, more at risk of being sexually harassed and or assaulted, abused and killed. No, I could not tell them all that for they are too young to understand.
There are so many things that women endure on the daily basis. And we may know only a fraction of what is actually happening. We have the burden of the world on our shoulders and yet we are not being helped, acknowledged or loved. My kids think that it is special treatment that women get on Women's day. But why is it that we celebrate Women's day and not Men's day? The reason is because around the world women are not being appreciated and for only one day it is important to shade light on that. Mother's day is the same. It was probably created by some florists or chocolate retailers eager to get more profits but in truth it is to give a break to poor mothers out there.
I am not a feminist whatever the word means. I am not so dumb to believe that there is equality between men and women because there is none. We were created with different purpose. But I do believe that women were created far more superior that man. We are capable of enduring far worse than men and still find the strength to move on. A woman who had her whole beautiful face destroyed by an acid attack found strength to pardon her attacker. A woman who was gang raped found strength to give birth and love the child that came out of the attack. We are survivors. And we do not wait for men to pick us up dust us off. We may dream of the knight in shining armor but most of us know that we are our own rescuer.
I grew up thinking that men had it easier than women. I used to resent the fact that after coming home from school my brothers could just go on playing soccer while I had to do the dishes. I used to resent the fact that my brothers could go out at odd hours of the day and night but if I tried the same, my parents would be all over me. I resented the fact that I was told that I could always find a husband as fall back if I did not do well at school. I resented the fact that even being tired from an outing at the beach with my entire family, I still had to come home and cook Sunday diner while my brothers watch wrestling on TV. And I had it easy compared to millions of girls who do not go to school because they have to work to provide for their families. I had it easy because I chose my husband instead of being sold off at a young age. I had it easy because of my parents but mostly my father. He is the best man I know. Growing up I worshiped the ground beneath his feet and I still do. I hold every man I meet to his standards. If they were not like him, then they were not worthy. But my father is not perfect. The older I get, the more flawed he is to me. And that is okay because at the end of the day he is a human. Even the most perfect human being is flawed. God made us that way. Yet, my father treated my mother with respect and helped her become a better human being. He is very much the Alpha male but that did not stop him from encouraging and supporting her. Furthermore, he treated me well even better than my own brothers. He spoiled me rotten. And he always told me that women did not have to be inside the kitchen. He had high hopes and dreams for me and he would have done anything to make me make them come true. But he did not push those dreams on me and let me chose my own path and make my own decisions.
I come from a society where men are the Alpha. They provide for the entire family therefore everyone should respect them. Their only job is to bring home the bacon and nothing else. They do not cook, do not clean (even after themselves), do not look after the children. That is the domain of the wife and it does not matter whether or not she works outside of the house and also brings part of that bacon. In my country, a woman who works hard to please her husband is considered good while one who works too much and comes home late is frowned upon. I remember once having a conversation with a group of friends. A friend of mine who is romantic was saying that she would love to have a husband who would make her breakfast in bed every now and then. Everyone around her myself included started laughing and shaking their heads as we knew that if ever she married a man from our country this would probably never happened. Some men told her point blank that they would never do that for their women. It made her sad but she was still naive, she still believed. And it made me sad as well because I could not understand what was so demeaning in making your wife breakfast.
I hope my kids grow up to be strong men, but I pray that they know that being a strong man does not mean putting a woman down. I want them to have good wives who would love and cherish them but I also want them to love and cherish those wives. I want them to treat them like they are the most precious human beings on earth. I want them to have children and treat them like precious pearls. If they have women friends, relatives or colleagues, to treat them with reverence and respect. If ever they have daughters, I want them to teach those daughters that they have to fight for what they want, that they have to fight for a place in the sun. And I want them to encourage them to be strong independent women. I want them to know and understand that women are not their toys (sex toys), their dumping grounds, their punching bags. I would rather have them being hurt by women, than they hurt women. But my job as a mother is not only to pray and hope, but it is also to teach them. If I teach them how to be gentle, then in turn they would be gentle.If I teach them how to love and nurture, then in turn they would love and nurture. My job as a mother is not only to bathe them, comb their hair and prepare their meals. It is to make sure that they grow with good values and have great characters. They will have flaws for sure but I would be satisfied if their only flaws are too good of a heart. Because after all, it is even what the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said in one Hadith: "The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those who are best to their women."
Enough said!
Sunday, March 01, 2015
Funny conversations with my kids
Children say the darnest thing sometimes. Here are a few of those things:
While showering:
Me- Stop farting!
My little Prince - I am not. My butt makes noise when I squeeze it.
Before heading out
My little Prince- What?
Me- What?
My little Prince- Why are you looking at me?
Me- I do not even see you. You do not exist!
My little Prince- I exist because I am amazing!
My little prince - Mommy! Do you know what PHD means? It means Pizza Hut delivery!
My little Prince - Mommy! What does SMS means?
Me- I do not know.
My little Prince - It means "Sent Messages Somewhere".
After doing a magic trick for my kids, my Little Prince asks me to explain the trick. I refuse saying that a good magician never reveals his trick.
Besides, I say don't you believe in magic.
My little Prince: I do not believe in your magic!
After seeing some lightning in the sky, my little lion cries : Mommy! It's like the sky broke.
Me- What do you want for breakfast today?
My little Prince - Wait! Let my tummy think!
While I was walking with some beaded shoes that made noise, my Little Prince said this to me:
"Mommy your shoes are singing. They are saying Ding Dong!"
"Mommy your shoes are singing. They are saying Ding Dong!"
After eating a sushi roll with wasabi (green mustard like spice put inside the sushi) my little Prince cried: "Wasabi makes my nose spicy!"
While showering:
Me- Stop farting!
My little Prince - I am not. My butt makes noise when I squeeze it.
Before heading out
My little Prince- What?
Me- What?
My little Prince- Why are you looking at me?
Me- I do not even see you. You do not exist!
My little Prince- I exist because I am amazing!
My little prince - Mommy! Do you know what PHD means? It means Pizza Hut delivery!
My little Prince - Mommy! What does SMS means?
Me- I do not know.
My little Prince - It means "Sent Messages Somewhere".
After doing a magic trick for my kids, my Little Prince asks me to explain the trick. I refuse saying that a good magician never reveals his trick.
Besides, I say don't you believe in magic.
My little Prince: I do not believe in your magic!
After seeing some lightning in the sky, my little lion cries : Mommy! It's like the sky broke.
Playdates
Play dates: I have heard of them, I (think) I know what they are but I have not done them. Until now.
My son was invited to his first play date 2 months ago. One mother just asked me one Wednesday morning after we dropped off our sons to school, if I would like to come to her place for a play date. I hesitated because I thought about how my schedule would be disturbed if I accepted. However, I accepted. That afternoon, my son and I visited the lady and her son. We let the children play in the playroom while we chatted in the living room. Later the kids were treated to some snacks and played outside. At the end of the play date, both my son and I were happy after a nice afternoon. A few weeks later, I returned the favor by inviting the same lady and her son over.
When I was living in the States, I never had play dates. I was not very close to the other mothers in my son's daycare. And I had only two friends who had children. But we never made any plans to have the children play together. We would just meet at somebody's house and let the kids run wild.
Upon coming to Japan, I discovered the joys of play dates. Moreover, tthrough play dates I learned many things about other people but also about my son.
First thing I observed by going to other people's place for play dates, is that they spend a lot of money on toys for their children. My son has a play area and two big boxes full of toys. But it is nothing compared to what his friends have. They have an entire room full of toys, and not only cheap stuff. I am always surprised at the extend of toys other kids have.
The second thing I learned through play dates is that my son is well behaved. During my last play date, the son of my friend did not want to try the fruit salad I made. And once he did forced by his mother, he spit it. His mother was mortified. I am sure she thought him not to do that. But kids will be kids. I was not shocked or upset. I understood that children have their ways. However, I know that Little Prince would have never done such a thing. He was shocked at his friend's behavior. He even told me later that what his friend did was not nice. I am always sorry for being very harsh on my son. But that day I saw the fruits of my labor.
The last thing I discovered is that play dates are more for mothers than children. During all my (few) play dates, I spend more time talking with the mothers than dealing with the children. We would let the children play together while we were having a nice chat. It is a good way to get to know people better.
My son was invited to his first play date 2 months ago. One mother just asked me one Wednesday morning after we dropped off our sons to school, if I would like to come to her place for a play date. I hesitated because I thought about how my schedule would be disturbed if I accepted. However, I accepted. That afternoon, my son and I visited the lady and her son. We let the children play in the playroom while we chatted in the living room. Later the kids were treated to some snacks and played outside. At the end of the play date, both my son and I were happy after a nice afternoon. A few weeks later, I returned the favor by inviting the same lady and her son over.
When I was living in the States, I never had play dates. I was not very close to the other mothers in my son's daycare. And I had only two friends who had children. But we never made any plans to have the children play together. We would just meet at somebody's house and let the kids run wild.
Upon coming to Japan, I discovered the joys of play dates. Moreover, tthrough play dates I learned many things about other people but also about my son.
First thing I observed by going to other people's place for play dates, is that they spend a lot of money on toys for their children. My son has a play area and two big boxes full of toys. But it is nothing compared to what his friends have. They have an entire room full of toys, and not only cheap stuff. I am always surprised at the extend of toys other kids have.
The second thing I learned through play dates is that my son is well behaved. During my last play date, the son of my friend did not want to try the fruit salad I made. And once he did forced by his mother, he spit it. His mother was mortified. I am sure she thought him not to do that. But kids will be kids. I was not shocked or upset. I understood that children have their ways. However, I know that Little Prince would have never done such a thing. He was shocked at his friend's behavior. He even told me later that what his friend did was not nice. I am always sorry for being very harsh on my son. But that day I saw the fruits of my labor.
The last thing I discovered is that play dates are more for mothers than children. During all my (few) play dates, I spend more time talking with the mothers than dealing with the children. We would let the children play together while we were having a nice chat. It is a good way to get to know people better.
Playdate in India
Hello there! It has been a while. Since I last posted, we shifted to India and it is our second year here. A lot of things happened, too many to tell but when it comes to parenting I have a few things to share. So read along.
My youngest son who is five now is very popular at school. He is very liked by his classmates and is often invited to birthday parties and playdates. He always wanted to go on playdate but I do not allow it because I am not close to any of the mothers of his classmates to ask. Besides for me you wait to be invited on playdate, not invite yourself.
Anyway after a while he got invited to some playdates. The first kid who invited him is supposedly his best friend and he lives close to our apartment. Usually I stay with my kids during playdate buy the mother just asked me to leave him and go. She dropped him off a few hours later. But during the entire playdate I kept on wondering about my son:what was he doing? Was he behaving? Did he hurt himself? But judging by the tears he she'd while they part, my son had a great time. You have to understand that in Japan where I learned the concept of playdate, I would always accompany my kids. They would play with their friends while I chat with the Mother over tea and snacks. Playdates were like small events that I had to prepare particularly when I was hosting them. I had to make sure the house was clean, get or cook the proper snacks and select the toys the kids would play with. For this reason I didn't have many Playdates at my house.
In India, my kids often have Playdates with another Russian family (the daddies work in the same company). We take turns hosting the playdate. And we even found a better solution which is to go to parks, amusement centers or the movies. It was until recently that my son got invited by an Indian boy.
Soon after that he was invited to another playdate this time by a classmate who lives in the same building as us. He also had a great time but after that it seemed that the kid only wanted to play with my son all day everyday. At school he would ask for my son to ride home in his car. Or he would ring our door bell at odd hours to ask for my son to come and play with him. I always said no because 1pm in the afternoon is not a time to play. After school I like my son to come home and eat, then rest even if he is not taking a nap. I will let him play outside with his brother at the park or the pool but always under my supervision and always around 5pm. I may not be the most disciplined parent out there but I have rules and I want my kids to follow them.
When I was their age, I was not allowed to play outside. From 10 years old, I would be permitted to go to my friends house but only in the neighborhood and only between 5pm and 6pm or 11 am to 12pm during Summer holidays. I was never to be outside after dark. And I would certainly never call my friends to ask them to play. So you can understand why I have a hard time understanding why this five year old is bold enough to do so. I do not want to judge his mother because she is nice enough even if a bit distant but at times I wonder why she lets the kid do such things. I often see him play outside with a maid supervising him.
And he is not the only one. We live in a posh building and most of our Indian neighbors are well off. Their kids are spoiled with the latest toys, have fabulous birthday parties and are driven around in fancy cars. But what I also observed was that those kids have maids to take care of them. They play with them, supervise them, pick them up at school and such. It is nice to have help and I also use maids myself. But what I know is that maids and nannies cannot replace parents. For one thing they can never discipline the kids. On the contrary, the kids will abuse of their status and do as they please. Parents need to be involved with their kids life and take steps towards disciplining them. You cannot always say that your work prevent you to do that. You need to talk with your kids, need to play with them otherwise they are just accessories.
What I also find weird is when parents want to leave their kids with me. One day I was in the park with my son and one of his classmates joined us. He was with a woman I have never met. In the middle of the game, the boy asked me if I could supervise him because the woman who was with him had to go to the shops. I refused pretexting that we were leaving. And I saw the woman ask another mom at the playground. The truth is that I was supposed to leave soon but even if I did not I would not do it. First, because I do not know the woman, how could she trust me with the kid? Second, she did not even ask me directly but rather she sent the kid to do so. I often ask mothers at school to look after my son while I run to the shops nearby or to pick up my son when I am running late but I only do it with mothers I had many conversations with, and I have seen the way they behave with their kids. In other words they are mothers I trust.
I really do not want to judge parents. I am sure that they love their kids in their own way but I do not want to discipline them or take care of them for them. One one hand, I do not want to have to tell that kid that 1pm is not playtime. It is not my job. I have enough problems trying to explain to my own five year old why he cannot play outside at that time of the day. On the other hand if I keep on refusing that boy, his parents and he may take it the wrong way. For this reason, I decided to have him over for a playdate but at the last moment a family situation prevented him to come. I am still going to invite him because he is a sweet kid and he likes my son. But there are boundaries I wished he respected. Should I tell him? Should I explain it to his mother? I am not sure what is appropriate to do here. Any thoughts?
My youngest son who is five now is very popular at school. He is very liked by his classmates and is often invited to birthday parties and playdates. He always wanted to go on playdate but I do not allow it because I am not close to any of the mothers of his classmates to ask. Besides for me you wait to be invited on playdate, not invite yourself.
Anyway after a while he got invited to some playdates. The first kid who invited him is supposedly his best friend and he lives close to our apartment. Usually I stay with my kids during playdate buy the mother just asked me to leave him and go. She dropped him off a few hours later. But during the entire playdate I kept on wondering about my son:what was he doing? Was he behaving? Did he hurt himself? But judging by the tears he she'd while they part, my son had a great time. You have to understand that in Japan where I learned the concept of playdate, I would always accompany my kids. They would play with their friends while I chat with the Mother over tea and snacks. Playdates were like small events that I had to prepare particularly when I was hosting them. I had to make sure the house was clean, get or cook the proper snacks and select the toys the kids would play with. For this reason I didn't have many Playdates at my house.
In India, my kids often have Playdates with another Russian family (the daddies work in the same company). We take turns hosting the playdate. And we even found a better solution which is to go to parks, amusement centers or the movies. It was until recently that my son got invited by an Indian boy.
Soon after that he was invited to another playdate this time by a classmate who lives in the same building as us. He also had a great time but after that it seemed that the kid only wanted to play with my son all day everyday. At school he would ask for my son to ride home in his car. Or he would ring our door bell at odd hours to ask for my son to come and play with him. I always said no because 1pm in the afternoon is not a time to play. After school I like my son to come home and eat, then rest even if he is not taking a nap. I will let him play outside with his brother at the park or the pool but always under my supervision and always around 5pm. I may not be the most disciplined parent out there but I have rules and I want my kids to follow them.
When I was their age, I was not allowed to play outside. From 10 years old, I would be permitted to go to my friends house but only in the neighborhood and only between 5pm and 6pm or 11 am to 12pm during Summer holidays. I was never to be outside after dark. And I would certainly never call my friends to ask them to play. So you can understand why I have a hard time understanding why this five year old is bold enough to do so. I do not want to judge his mother because she is nice enough even if a bit distant but at times I wonder why she lets the kid do such things. I often see him play outside with a maid supervising him.
And he is not the only one. We live in a posh building and most of our Indian neighbors are well off. Their kids are spoiled with the latest toys, have fabulous birthday parties and are driven around in fancy cars. But what I also observed was that those kids have maids to take care of them. They play with them, supervise them, pick them up at school and such. It is nice to have help and I also use maids myself. But what I know is that maids and nannies cannot replace parents. For one thing they can never discipline the kids. On the contrary, the kids will abuse of their status and do as they please. Parents need to be involved with their kids life and take steps towards disciplining them. You cannot always say that your work prevent you to do that. You need to talk with your kids, need to play with them otherwise they are just accessories.
What I also find weird is when parents want to leave their kids with me. One day I was in the park with my son and one of his classmates joined us. He was with a woman I have never met. In the middle of the game, the boy asked me if I could supervise him because the woman who was with him had to go to the shops. I refused pretexting that we were leaving. And I saw the woman ask another mom at the playground. The truth is that I was supposed to leave soon but even if I did not I would not do it. First, because I do not know the woman, how could she trust me with the kid? Second, she did not even ask me directly but rather she sent the kid to do so. I often ask mothers at school to look after my son while I run to the shops nearby or to pick up my son when I am running late but I only do it with mothers I had many conversations with, and I have seen the way they behave with their kids. In other words they are mothers I trust.
I really do not want to judge parents. I am sure that they love their kids in their own way but I do not want to discipline them or take care of them for them. One one hand, I do not want to have to tell that kid that 1pm is not playtime. It is not my job. I have enough problems trying to explain to my own five year old why he cannot play outside at that time of the day. On the other hand if I keep on refusing that boy, his parents and he may take it the wrong way. For this reason, I decided to have him over for a playdate but at the last moment a family situation prevented him to come. I am still going to invite him because he is a sweet kid and he likes my son. But there are boundaries I wished he respected. Should I tell him? Should I explain it to his mother? I am not sure what is appropriate to do here. Any thoughts?
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