Women are always winning!

I was having breakfast the other day with my children. We were happily chatting while enjoying some South Indian food when my younger son told me: "Mom! Women are always winning!". I stopped eating and had to ask him twice to repeat. Then I got mad and asked him:" Please tell me when are women winning?"
He went on to explain that in his class girls are always first. And his older brother joined in by adding that in cartoons and movies, girls were winning as well.

 I was so irritated by this statement that I told them that only in fiction were women winning but in real life we were the losers. I went on to show to my older son an article on the newspaper about a man who killed his wife, mother and daughter because apparently he was stressed over property dispute with his brothers. I told my sons that women all over the world were paid less for doing the same job as men and sometimes twice as them. I told them that Scarlett Johansson who plays Black widow they like so much in the Avengers movie was probably paid less than Iron Man, Hulk, Captain America, Thor and all the rest of the men superheroes even if she pulled her weight and more in the movie.
I wanted to tell them more but they were too young to understand. They were too young to understand that every day women are being raped and tortured sometimes in their own homes, and by the men who were supposed to take care of them. I could not tell them that women work hard in and out of the home while men went to work and came home to watch football all the while complaining that their dinner was not tasty enough.  I could not tell them that women are more likely to never be promoted to a higher level or given more responsibilities because they may go on maternity leave. I could not tell them that men who went around bedding women were considered playboys and studs while women who so much dare as to ogle a guy are called sluts.I could not tell them that women who commit adultery in some countries are being killed while the same man they committed the deed with goes free. I could not tell them that some women had acid thrown at their faces because they rejected a man. I could not tell them that women around the world are less educated, work hard and are less paid, more likely to abandon their own dreams to support their families,  more at risk of being sexually harassed and or assaulted, abused and killed. No, I could not tell them all that for they are too young to understand.

There are so many things that women endure on the daily basis. And we may know only a fraction of what is actually happening. We have the burden of the world on our shoulders and yet we are not being helped, acknowledged or loved. My kids think that it is special treatment that women get on Women's day. But why is it that we celebrate Women's day and not Men's day? The reason is because around the world women are not being appreciated and for only one day it is important to shade light on that. Mother's day is the same. It was probably created by some florists or chocolate retailers eager to get more profits but in truth it is to give a break to poor mothers out there.

I am not a feminist whatever the word means. I am not so dumb to believe that there is equality between men and women because there is none. We were created with different purpose. But I do believe that women were created far more superior that man. We are capable of enduring far worse than men and still find the strength to move on. A woman who had her whole beautiful face destroyed by an acid attack found strength to pardon her attacker. A woman who was gang raped found strength to give birth and love the child that came out of the attack. We are survivors. And we do not wait for men to pick us up dust us off. We may dream of the knight in shining armor but most of us know that we are our own rescuer.

I grew up thinking that men had it easier than women. I used to resent the fact that after coming home from school my brothers could just go on playing soccer while I had to do the dishes. I used to resent the fact that my brothers could go out at odd hours of the day and night but if I tried the same, my parents would be all over me. I resented the fact that I was told that I could always find a husband as fall back if I did not do well at school. I resented the fact that even being tired from an outing at the beach with my entire family, I still had to come home and cook Sunday diner while my brothers watch wrestling on TV. And I had it easy compared to millions of girls who do not go to school because they have to work to provide for their families. I had it easy because I chose my husband instead of being sold off at a young age. I had it easy because of my parents but mostly my father. He is the best man I know. Growing up I worshiped the ground beneath his feet and I still do. I hold every man I meet to his standards. If they were not like him, then they were not worthy. But my father is not perfect. The older I get, the more flawed he is to me. And that is okay because at the end of the day he is a human. Even the most perfect human being is flawed. God made us that way. Yet, my father treated my mother with respect and helped her become a better human being. He is very much the Alpha male but that did not stop him from encouraging and supporting her. Furthermore, he treated me well even better than my own brothers. He spoiled me rotten. And he always told me that women did not have to be inside the kitchen. He had high hopes and dreams for me and he would have done anything to make me make them come true. But he did not push those dreams on me and let me chose my own path and make my own decisions.

I come from a society where men are the Alpha. They provide for the entire family therefore everyone should respect them. Their only job is to bring home the bacon and nothing else. They do not cook, do not clean (even after themselves), do not look after the children. That is the domain of the wife and it does not matter whether or not she works outside of the house and also brings part of that bacon. In my country, a woman who works hard to please her husband is considered good while one who works too much and comes home late is frowned upon. I remember once having a conversation with a group of friends. A friend of mine who is romantic was saying that she would love to have a husband who would make her breakfast in bed every now and then. Everyone around her myself included started laughing and shaking their heads as we knew that if ever she married a man from our country this would probably never happened. Some men told her point blank that they would never do that for their women. It made her sad but she was still naive, she still believed. And it made me sad as well because I could not understand what was so demeaning in making your wife breakfast.

I hope my kids grow up to be strong men, but I pray that they know that being a strong man does not mean putting a woman down. I want them to have good wives who would love and cherish them but I also want them to love and cherish those wives. I want them to treat them like they are the most precious human beings on earth. I want them to have children and treat them like precious pearls. If they have women friends, relatives or colleagues, to treat them with reverence and respect. If ever they have daughters, I want them to teach those daughters that they have to fight for what they want, that they have to fight for a place in the sun. And I want them to encourage them to be strong independent women. I want them to know and understand that women are not their toys (sex toys), their dumping grounds, their punching bags. I would rather have them being hurt by women, than they hurt women.  But my job as a mother is not only to pray and hope, but it is also to teach them. If I teach them how to be gentle, then in turn they would be gentle.If I teach them how to love and nurture, then in turn they would love and nurture. My job as a mother is not only to bathe them, comb their hair and prepare their meals. It is to make sure that they grow with good values and have great characters. They will have flaws for sure but I would be satisfied if their only flaws are too good of a heart.  Because after all, it is even what the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said in one Hadith: "The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those who are best to their women."

Enough said!