After my annual checkup at my OBGYN, I received an interesting call. It seems that the lab had found some abnormalities during my pap smear and my doctor wanted me to do further tests. Two weeks later, I went back in for a colposcopy. For those who do not know, a colposcopy is defined by Wikipedia.com to be "a medical diagnostic procedure to examine an illuminated, magnified view of the cervix and the tissues of the vagina and vulva". I have never heard of such a procedure but from what I learned, the doctor would just take a closer look at me down there. He also performed a biopsy by removing some cells from my cervix. He said that he did not see anything alarming, but he would rather wait for the lab results. During the visit we discussed about the worse case scenario and the word "cervical cancer" was uttered.
I have heard of cervical cancer before. But I have to admit that I do not know what is it at all. I did some research on the Internet, and here is what I found out. Cervical cancer is a cancer that forms in the tissues of the cervix. It is usually caused by human papillomavirus (HPV) infection. (Waouh, another big word, but just know that it is a virus that infects you). There may not be any symptoms at the early stages of cervical cancer, which makes it hard to detect without a pap smear. Vaginal bleeding is a big indicator. Once the cervical cancer is in the advanced stages symptoms may include: loss of appetite, weight loss, fatigue, pelvic pain, back pain, leg pain, single swollen leg, heavy bleeding from the vagina, leaking of urine or feces from the vagina, and bone fractures.
All these explanations can make your heart race and start praying. Hell, anyone hearing cancer can start praying...But let us not get ahead of us, cervical cancer is treatable with chemotherapy and in really bad cases hysterectomy. Hysterectomy is the removal of the uterus and part of the vagina, with the lymph nodes, which basically means that you are screwed because you will not be able to procreate anymore. You can also have a trachelectomy done which is a procedure to remove the cancerous cells but at the same time trying to leave the reproductive organs intact. Both the hysterectomy and the trachelectomy are for the advanced stages of the cancer. When it is still at its early stages, women can have radiation therapy down there. The cervix can also be frozen to kill the cancer.
All of this information makes me feel dizzy. I remember that right after the exam, I felt like I was about to faint. Sure, my cervix was on fire from the biopsy, but I was more emotionally drained than physically tired. I started to think about all that could go wrong. And then I started to ask GOD why, why me? What did I do to ever deserve cancer? Doctors say that HPV causes cancer. And HPV infection co-factors are usually bad diet, smoking, multiples pregnancies, hormonal contraception, unsafe sex or multiple partners among others. Instead of blaming GOD, maybe I should just check myself and see if I was at risk due to my behavior or lifestyle.
Bad diet: I do have a bad diet. I do not eat fruits, although I drink fruity juices. I do eat vegetables but surely not enough. I love everything that is fried, greasy, cheesy, full of carbs, full of sugar and chocolate. Burgers, pizza, pasta, french fries, peanut butter chocolate and milkshakes are the food I crave. And given the option I prefer a sprite to water.
Smoking: I think that smoking two cigarettes two days in a row when I was 15 does not count at all.
Multiple pregnancies: so far I had been pregnant just twice so it is kind of multiple but I am not even close to Michelle Douggar.
Hormonal contraception: I did take hormonal contraception through the pill some years back for 2 months. But I hated it because I would never remember to take it on time.
Unsafe sex or multiple partners: As lame as it could be considered to be in this world nowadays, I have had only one sexual partner, my husband. I do have unprotected sex with him because duh, we are in a "closed" or monogamous marriage.
Therefore I guess, I did not do much to cause this cervical cancer of mine. It just kind of happen.
Stop! Let us rewind a bit. I do not have cervical cancer or at least I do not know whether or not I have it because my doctor has not called me yet to tell me the results of the biopsy. Therefore, I am way ahead in my thinking.
Nevertheless, I cannot stop but think. I decided to do the worrying and anxiety thing if only I receive bad news. But for now, I am just going to think. And I have been thinking about one of the worse case scenarios: having cancer and being obliged to do a hysterectomy. Which would ultimately mean that I would become sterile. For the past year, I have been saying that I do not want anymore children. I love babies and always wanted to have many of them. But having two of my own under the age of four, I realized that children were not as fun as I thought it to be. They require too much of your time and attention, not to mention money. And the more you have, the less time you have to concentrate on you and you only. However, I would be devastated if ever I was to have a hysterectomy. Because as backward thinking as it will sound, being able to have baby makes me a woman. It is the only thing that I do good (provided a little help from my husband). And every time I get pregnant, I feel as if I am a walking miracle. My pregnancies are not the best of time for several reasons but I would give everything to be pregnant again. And denying me that, is like denying me of life itself. How ironic, because I was just saying to my husband that I would not want to be defined by my children when in reality they define me...they are not me, but they make me who I am. And I want more of them whether or not I can handle it...
Nevertheless, as I was saying earlier, let us not get ahead of ourselves. I do not have the results for now. And like Scarlet O'hara, I will think about it tomorrow....
For more info on cervical cancer and HPV, go to
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cervical_cancer#Signs_and_symptoms
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/cervical
Update: the tests results came back negative. The doctor said that I did not have anything alarming. However, he suggested that I should come more often for check ups. I am thankful but still fearful...
