Playdate in India

Hello there! It has been a while.  Since I last posted, we shifted to India and it is our second year here. A lot of things happened, too many to tell but when it comes to parenting I have a few things to share. So read along.

My youngest son who is five now is very popular at school. He is very liked by his classmates and is often invited to birthday parties and playdates. He always wanted to go on playdate but I do not allow it because I am not close to any of the mothers of his classmates to ask. Besides for me you wait to be invited on playdate, not invite yourself.
Anyway after a while he got invited to some playdates. The first kid who invited him is supposedly his best friend and he lives close to our apartment. Usually I stay with my kids during playdate buy the mother just asked me to leave him and go. She dropped him off a few hours later. But during the entire playdate I kept on wondering about my son:what was he doing? Was he behaving? Did he hurt himself?  But judging by the tears he she'd while they part, my son had a great time. You have to understand that in Japan where I learned the concept of playdate, I would always accompany my kids. They would play with their friends while I chat with the Mother over tea and snacks. Playdates  were like small events that I had to prepare particularly when I was hosting them. I had to make sure the house was clean, get or cook the proper snacks and select the toys the kids would play with. For this reason I didn't have many Playdates at my house.

In India, my kids often have Playdates with another Russian family (the daddies work in the same company). We take turns hosting the playdate. And we even found a better solution which is to go to parks, amusement centers or the movies.  It was until recently that my son got invited by an Indian boy.

Soon after that he was invited to another playdate this time by a classmate who lives in the same building as us.  He also had a great time but after that it seemed that the kid only wanted to play with my son all day everyday.  At school he would ask for my son to ride home in his car. Or he would ring our door bell at odd hours to ask for my son to come and play with him.  I always said no because 1pm in the afternoon is not a time to play. After school I like my son to come home and eat, then rest even if he is not taking a nap. I will let him play outside with his brother at the park or the pool but always under my supervision and always around 5pm. I may not be the most disciplined parent out there but I have rules and I want my kids to follow them.
When I was their age, I was not allowed to play outside.  From 10 years old, I would be permitted to go to my friends house but only in the neighborhood and only between 5pm and 6pm or 11 am to 12pm during Summer holidays.  I was never to be outside after dark.  And I would certainly never call my friends to ask them to play. So you can understand why I have a hard time understanding why this five year old is bold enough to do so.  I do not want to judge his mother because she is nice enough even if a bit distant but at times I wonder why she lets the kid do such things.  I often see him play outside with a maid supervising him.
And he is not the only one. We live in a posh building and most of our Indian neighbors are well off. Their kids are spoiled with the latest toys,  have fabulous birthday parties and  are driven around in fancy cars. But what I also observed was that those kids have maids to take care of them. They play with them, supervise them, pick them up at school and such. It is nice to have help and I also use maids myself. But what I know is that maids and nannies cannot replace parents. For one thing they can never discipline the kids. On the contrary, the kids will abuse of their status and do as they please. Parents need to be involved with their kids life and take steps towards disciplining them. You cannot always say that your work prevent you to do that. You need to talk with your kids, need to play with them otherwise they are just accessories.

What I also find weird is when parents want to leave their kids with me. One day I was in the park with my son and one of his classmates joined us. He was with a woman I have never met. In the middle of the game, the boy asked me if I could supervise him because the woman who was with him had to go to the shops. I refused pretexting that we were leaving. And I saw the woman ask another mom at the playground. The truth is that I was supposed to leave soon but even  if I did not I would not do it. First, because I do not know the woman, how could she trust me with the kid?  Second, she did not even ask me directly but rather she sent the kid to do so.  I often ask mothers at school to look after my son while I run to the shops nearby or to pick up my son when I am running late but I only do it with mothers I had many conversations with, and I have seen the way they behave with their kids. In other words they are mothers I trust.
I really do not want to judge parents.  I am sure that they love their kids in their own way but I do not want to discipline them or take care of them for them. One one hand, I do not want to have to tell that kid that 1pm is not playtime. It is not my job. I have enough problems trying to explain to my own five year old why he cannot play outside at that time of the day. On the other hand if I keep on refusing that boy, his parents and he may take it the wrong way. For this reason,  I decided to have him over for a playdate but at the last moment  a family situation prevented him to come. I am still going to invite him because he is a sweet kid and he likes my son. But there are boundaries I wished he respected. Should I tell him?  Should I explain it to his mother?  I am not sure what is appropriate  to do here. Any thoughts?