Hurricanes

"Just leave me alone!" I feel like screaming few times a day. I live in a household with three other males: my husband and my two boys. Sometimes I feel like a second class citizen. My needs and wants always come the last. All of my energy centers around these three. I take care of them in the best way I can but it is very hard to divide myself in three. They are so demanding and they do not even realize it. My husband is still alright, because he is an adult and can take care of himself. However, sometimes he craves my attention like any spouse would do.
I feel like all three of them are like hurricanes, ready to turn my world upside down every morning and every night. It starts from the moment they wake up. I have to bath them, feed them, prepare them for school. And when they come back from school (and work), I have to start over again (feed them, bathe them and get them ready for bed). I can snatch a few me time when I stay at home with the baby. When he naps, or plays I get to enjoy some Internet browsing or just plain TV. The best alone time I get is in the middle of the night when I am awake because I am too anxious to sleep (do not ask me why?). I turn on the TV and watch rerun cop shows. Or just read a book (on my bedside right now is Game Change. Truly fascinating!). At those times I get to breathe and be myself and not the wife and mother of two.
They say that once you dread your husband coming back home from work, the marriage is over or in big trouble. I dread having my husband coming back from work, because it means no more quiet and peaceful time for me. It means he and my second son (from daycare) will rush inside the house and demands all kind of things from me, from water, to snacks, to diner, to change the TV and conversation about my day...As soon as they enter the door, it is like I cannot breathe anymore. I want to scream:" Just go back to where you are from!". Is it bad that I feel this way about them? Am I too selfish?
My best friend always tells me that she is envious of what I have: a family. And I always tell her that I am envious of what she is: single. I had so much me time when I was single. I could go out on a limp and do things I care about without having to report to anybody or worry about finding a baby sitter. It was fun. But come to think of it: I hated being single. I always had boyfriends because I hated being alone. I enjoyed me time but too much of it and I did not know what to do with myself. That is why I got married early and that is why I had children early.
To sum it up, like everyone else, I hate hurricanes for turning our lives upside down. But sometimes, they can be a blessing in disguise because my hurricanes turn my life upside down for the better: I am better human being, a better wife and mother, a better cook (lately I even impressed myself)...So go on and mess with my life! Just leave me with enough power to mess with yours back.

Milkaholic VS Breastoholic

I used to think that no one can be more addicted to breast milk than my first born. That kid used to breastfeed non stop. He would even sleep while his lips sucked my nipples. I thought it would be hard to wean him off breast milk. Thankfully, it took only 3 days for him to get over them. Now he looks at them like they did not even help him survive his first year of life.
Now, my second son is another story. He loves to breastfeed as much as his older brother. He eats when he is hungry, cranky or just sleepy. However, there is a difference between his brother and him. My second son clearly enjoys the nipple more than the milk itself. Whenever I breastfeed him, he takes comfort in nibbling on my nipples. He even reaches out to my other nipple and starts playing with it. I find it endearing.
My first son was a milkaholic. He loved milk. But it did not have to be breast milk only. I could feed him a bottle of soy milk and he would be happy.
My second son on the contrary is a breastoholic. He needs the breast more than the milk. He enjoys milk if served in a cup. But he does not necessarily live for it.
The reason why my second son is such a breastoholic is that the first thing he ate minutes, seconds after he was born was my breast milk. Right after being delivered, he was in my arms suckling. My first son, unfortunately enjoyed formula at the hospital because he had to be in intensive care unit right after his birth. I think he breastfed a day after his birthday. Then the older he was getting, he had other things to fall back on such as his pacifier or the baby bottle.
His younger brother does not even accept a bottle or a pacifier. It is like he hates everything made of latex. His pediatrician says that he enjoys the real deal aka my breast. I understand the feeling but it is so hard with him. Going out becomes a hassle. And I cannot leave him with anyone else because he does not accept the bottle. Thankfully he is growing up and eating food. He is even drinking in a sippy cup. Yet, the breast is his security blanket. He needs it to feel comfy, safe. He cannot even sleep without it.
My husband believes that I will have a serious problem weaning him off the breast milk. I have my fears that this battle is going to be longer than the 3 days I endure with his brother. But I will keep my fingers crossed and try hard. And if my method does not work, I can always try to draw a scary picture on my breasts like one of my friend did successfully to wean her daughter.