What travelling with a baby/toddler taught me

Travelling is one of my favorite leisure. I get all excited at the thought of flying to discover new places. And I always manage to do so once a year, or once every two years.

However since I became a mother, I started to dread the idea of flying, travelling with my child. The process itself is such a hassle that I always postpone it as much as I can.

Why do I hate travelling with my child so much?

1- I have to pack one hundred things.
I usually pack lots of stuff when I travel; from clothes (that I do not need), shoes, books, accessories.. You name it, I probably have it in my two checked baggage and two carry-on baggage. I do not know why but I hate the feeling of missing some of my stuff when I arrive at destination. I rather pack everything with me. And do not even get me started on presents and other stuff I have to bring with me when I go home. As the saying goes: "Africans do not travel, they move".
Therefore take a heavy packer like myself and add extra stuff for the baby, equals: excess baggage. I always get diapers (if the baby needs 3 a day, I usually pack 10 in case he has a diarrhea on the plane), an extra set of clothing (because he will get messy), all of his medicines, extra food and juice, plus his toys to keep him entertained. Try to fit all that in a bag when you have already two fully packed.

2- I have to be patient
I am the most impatient person you will ever know. And being a mother did not change it a bit. On the contrary, it seems my impatience level has increased . So imagine my frustration when Baby boy wants to run all over the airport, does not want to sit for more than 3 hours on the plane, wants to check my entertainment system, or refuses to sleep. Sometimes I think that I will just go nuts. Things were easier when he was a baby, could not talk or walk. He was limited in all he wanted to do; which meant that I got to breathe.

3- I have to pretend to be a good mother
When you travel, you are surrounded by strangers. Therefore you have to be on your best behavior even though your child is not. For instance, I cannot snap and scream at Baby boy if he is acting crazy because I am afraid of what people around me would think or say. I will have to take a deep breath and try to quiet him down by using a sweet voice and toys or food as bribery.

4-You cannot do all the things you wanted to do with a Baby
At your final destination, it will be hard to do all the sight-seeing you hope to do with a baby. When you are single or married without child, you can go out the whole day, shop until you drop, go dancing, take a midnight skinny dipping on the beach wathever fun activity you dream about. However, once you are with a child, you have to carefully plan everything. You will need to schedule everything around him: from his diet, daily routine, frustration level, everything. You cannot just hope to walk around under the sun all day and think he will be alright. No! Planning will be the key. And no spontaneity is allowed.

Nevertheless, I still enjoy travelling with my baby. He is so curious and enjoys discovering new things as well. He brings a smile on my face when I see him run around in the park, not wanting to leave the beach, or bossing children around at the airport. I have to take advantage of this occasion. Because who knows if I will be able to travel when I have a new addition to the family. With prices going through the roof and less time on my hand, travelling with more kids will not be as easy and enjoyable as travelling with just one.

I am ready (I think)

A while ago, I was asking myself whether or not I was ready to have another child. The answer was clear to me: no. I could not, and did not want to go through another pregnancy and all the troubles it meant. I did not want to have to raise another extra child, particularly when I had my hands full with Little Prince. I was scared to death of the idea of getting knocked up again.
However, these past weeks, something changed inside of me. I started to notice more people having babies around me. A friend of mine just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I got to spend time with her and help her handle this new life of hers. I realised that having a child was not as hectic as I thought it to be, specially when it is the second time around. If I did it well with Baby boy (and did not mess up big time), I guess I could do it another time.
The moment I realised I wanted another child, came when I was watching "Brothers and Sisters" one of my favorite show on ABC. The mother -played by Sally Field- was resenting the fact that she was defined by her 5 children. Deep inside of me I thought that I would not hate it so much if somewhere when I hit 60, I had 5 kids who loved me no matter what even though sometimes they would take me for granted. And the moment I thought that, I knew I was ready to have another child.
I want a girl this time. Call me crazy, but I believe in the myth that girls are easier to handle. I know better. According to my mother I was a wild child. From the moment I could walk, I would climb the sofas in the living room and try to jump the space in between them. That is how I fell and opened my chin. It required some stitches. Of course I do not remember it but my parents were happy to tell me the story every time I asked them why I have this funny scar on my chin.
I want a girl, just because I am tired of this stubborn attitude of my boy. He is giving me a hard time. He needs to grow up and the only way for him to stop acting like he is the only child-the center of our attention- is for him to become a big brother. Moreover, I wish for somebody sweet that will just coo her way out of babyhood. A delicate flower that will just need some breast milk watering. She will not keep me up at night, or prevent me from cooking. She will just be quiet, and adorable. I will buy her all the pretty in pink, and flowery outfits that Babies'r us have. She will be the joy of my life and the star of her father.
I read somewhere that once you spend hours looking a babies' clothes at the mall instead of something for yourself, you are ready for another baby. So I guess I am, since I have been enjoying shopping for clothes and other accessories for my friend's baby girl, all the while wishing I had a girl who could wear the same outfit as well.
I am not scared of the pregnancy. I have been pregnant before therefore I know what to expect(even though they say not every pregnancy are alike). I am not scared of labor-give me an epidural and I will be good to go-. I am not even scared of raising her because as my husband will say I am experienced now. Nevertheless, the thought of bringing another human being in this crazy world (failing economy, ongoing wars, environmental crisis, racism, crime...)frightens me beyond anything else. That is why I will need the help of GOD to guide me through all of it like HE did last time.

Too much TV!?

Two days ago, I was having diner with my two year old boy. My hubby was watching CNN as usual at that time. In the middle of the diner, my baby uttered some words that I did not recognized at first. Then when I asked him to repeat them, I was so stunned that I started to laugh out loud. He said "CNN" pointing to the TV.
As a family, we watch CNN every day. Actually, my husband watches CNN every day. I would not watch it as much as I should because I get bored of dealing with the horror of our world and the ongoing US presidential campaign (bo---ring!!!). However, my hubby wants to be informed of what is going on around the world so we watch it. We watch that channel so much that my baby can actually say its name. Terrifying!.
The TV has a special place in our family. From the moment we wake up in the morning, to the moment we go to bed, it is on. And when we come back from work, turning the TV on is the first thing we do. Personally, I enjoy the TV. My Mother used to call me TV girl. And, college life, married life, being a mother has not changed it a bit. I still watch too much TV and not necessarily the educational stuff. I watch TV series, stupid reality shows, anything that can grab my attention. My hubby is more about news, travel and food channel. And Baby Boy is all about the Disney Chanel with Mickey Mouse.
I should not be surprised that Little Prince can say CNN, or OBAMA or McCain or can sing the opening song of the Mickey Mouse Club House. After all, it is our fault. We spend so much time watching TV that our baby became a sponge: absorbing everything that is on. Moreover this absorbing process is not very appropriate. As a child, Little Prince repeats everything he hears and mimics everything he sees. When he sees a couple kissing, he runs to me and starts kissing me as well. When he hears people shouting, he starts to yell. Very bad influence indeed! His latest craze is to say "Euw!" when he sees people kissing on TV because he heard me say it when I was watching Sex and the City.

I think that I should, we should cut the TV time in half. For the only reason that Baby Boy is glued to it like us and does not want to go to bed early or even respond to us. But more importantly, the TV should be off most of the time just to allow us to have family time; just to allow us to sit down together and have a conversation, play a game, interact like normal human beings do.
A family does not need the TV to interact. As a matter of fact, the TV is the enemy of communication. Studies showed that couples who have a TV in a bedroom have less sex than couple who do not. Recently in France, the government had decided to ban TV channels for marketing shows to children under 3 because it believes that they cause developmental risks. But, I do not need studies to tell me that I do not focus on my child enough when the TV is on. I do need studies to show me that TV is helping deteriorate my relationship with my baby and my hubby.

So, what a mother to do? Cut down TV time! This is going to be extremely hard for a woman who is addicted to TV. But isn't for the greater good: my child's welfare. I already started by taking Baby Boy to our apartment playground on Sunday afternoon instead of staying in watching 60 minutes or Miss Congeniality 2 (it was on last Sunday). I actually had a great time with him, and playing outside was the best time he had all day. I just hope I can keep this up!

Is it time yet?

My husband have been bugging me about having another child for months now. My answer has always been "no". And yesterday, he gave me an utlimatum, he wants another child by the time my baby turns three, or in other words by this time next year.
I love children. I always thought that I would have plenty of them when I grew up. The thing is I did not count on raising children being so damn hard (excuse my French). Everyday is a struggle between you, your husband and your child to figure out what is the right thing for him. Since I became a Mum, I have not had adult fun, Me time and GOD knows what else. I feel like I am trapped and that I will never be able to escape. Hence, my fear of having another child. If I feel trapped having just one child, imagine my life with two.
The thing is my baby is not responsible for me being trapped. I just use him as an excuse for not getting out of a situation I do not feel is the best for me. I want so much more out of this life, but I never seem to find out what and how to get it. So I blame the baby. Easier, right?
People(family and friends) are always eager to give you advice about your family lifestyle or plan whether you ask them or not. For my parents, it is too soon to have another child, for my in-laws it is almost a bit late; for my girlfriends: I need a better job first. I do not know what is the right thing. I just know that I do not want a child now. Maybe I am just running scared of what the future may hold.
The truth is that I need to take charge. If I am having another child, I should make sure that it will not be the dramatic experience I had with the first one. I need to be sure that I have an "exit plan" for when she or he is old enough for me to let go of her or him. I need to know that I have the total support of my husband whatever happens.
I cannot just close my eyes and be knocked up without reassurance that everything will be ok. Even though things do not always go as planned, I need to plan those things for my own peace of mind. Then I will be ready for a second child.

Baby Talk

"Why?"
I was stunned to hear my almost 2 year old boy ask me "why?" when I told him not to touch my stuff. I was stunned and happy. I rushed to ask my hubby if he heard us and he nonchalantly responded to the affirmative.
I guess this is the beginning of a long journey of "why" that I wish were never uttered, or questions that I cannot answer altogether.However, I am happy, because this shows that I can now have a conversation with my boy.
Baby boy can talk. If you consider talk uttering some gibberish that only him can understand. Then, YES! He can talk. He has been uttering words in the last 6 months. Some of them we can clearly make out like: "eat", "orange juice", "sit down","nice","puppies", "dog" and so on. Some others,well it takes time to understand them.
Baby boy is learning how to talk by mimicking us-his father and I, and his teacher and daycare buddies. Every day he learns a new word. It is fascinating to see how much he can absorb.
As parent, we were worried that Baby boy could not talk at his age. One day, watching the Apprentice Celebrity, we saw Donald Trump then 18 month old baby answer questions related to his father's work. We were stunned. We immediately starting comparing him to our then 20 months old Boy. Then I stopped short. Donald Trump's baby is not like our son. He sleeps in a million dollar crib, has probably the best nanny and teacher one who has millions can find him. He is probably being coached. My Little Prince dot not have excessive coaching but he is well loved, and well fed. He learns so much at his daycare and at home with us. And I guess it is enough because even if he cannot say what his father does for a living, he knows how to convey that he wants to eat, sleep, play, go outside or that he did his dirty business. So enough with the comparison.
The thing is babies like human being are different from one another. Some crawl at 5 month, some never. Some walk at 8 month, some like my boy take their time and finally walk by themselves at 12 months. Some are early bloomer, some are late bloomer. It does not matter how fast or slow they do things as long as it does not becoming alarming like complete lack of speech. Little Prince can talk fine. As long as he says the things that are the most important like : eat apple, it is mine, pool, poo poo, how are you, I love you and thank you, I do not mind him being late at developing his speech.

Baby boy can sing as well. I love singing so I used to sing to him ever since he was born. I did not know what effect it would have on him. But now I came to realise that Little Prince has a musical ear. He can hear a tune once or twice and he can reproduce it. He loves singing kids songs, lullabies even pop music. His favorite song is "I like to move it" from the soundtrack of the movie Madagascar. Lately, he is enjoying "Petit Papa Noel" that his father taught him-and that my Mother used to sing to him when he was 6 month old.

Little Prince is developing, slowly, step by step. He is taking his time and I do not mind at all, because by the end of the day he will get there. And that is all that matters.

Stay at home Mum days are over

I got a job. Hoorray!!!
I should jump up and down, and thank GOD (and believe me I did!). After several months of disappointing job hunting I finally found the dream job: part time, the pay is not so bad, I get to work with children, and I get to choose my own hours.
Well, I was excited at first. Then problems started to pile up. First I realized that the position was not as flexible as I thought it to be. Then I figured that it was very demanding. And to top it all, my family suffered at the beginning.
Fisrt, for a part time job, I was really working full time. Moreover, I was being paid peanuts. Since I am very disorganized, I had to take time every day to do my job at home. My husband was not very happy about it, because all my attention was on the computer and not on him. He became frustrated. Worst of all, I did not see how bad he was feeling until he made a scene a month after I started working.
My husband being unhappy, I could cope with it. Do not get me wrong, I do care about him and his feeling, but he is a grown up. He would eventually get over it. But, I could not handle seeing my Baby suffering from my new job.
When I started working, I thought that I did not need to change the day care hours of my baby.But a month after starting the job, I was urged to put more hours at work. As a result, I eventually enrolled Little Prince full time ( the Day care did not have an hourly based rate or drop off system).
The shift was not very swift. Baby Boy suffered a lot. He became more irritable when we arrived at home at 6, too hungry to focus on anything else than throwing tantrums. Then, he started to get ill. What began as a simple cold, moved on to ear infection, then eye infection. We were going to see his doctor every week. The medical bills were piling up. I was so emotionally tired , that I almost quit. I was crying, and telling myself that it was the best for Baby Boy, knowing fully well that quitting this job-even though it was not the best job-was not a smart move for the following reasons. First, if I quit, I would forever resent Little Prince. I would stay at home with him and be angry at him every day. Who knows, I could even start to abuse him. Second, if I quit this job, what would I say to my future eventual employer in an interview? "I quit my former job after one month, because I could not juggle being a mother and working". How would he trust me and employ me?
What I did, is sucking all up (with help and advice from my husband). I got organized. I made diverse and stomach filling dishes for Little Prince to eat at lunch time. I relied heavily on snacks he enjoys such as fruits and cookies. I decided to keep him some mornings at home to have lunch with me -since I only start working in the afternoon. Basically, I made more effort, to ensure his well being.
Things are getting better now. Thank GOD. My entire family is used to me working. Father and Son enjoy some time alone when I work on saturdays. And I like my job.

Despites all of the hurdles, I am thinking of getting a better position in a different field for the future. I need to earn more, and save for my future children and my pension. I also need to have an important job, just to make me feel more fulfilled. I have not started looking for a job, because I dread the process. To be truthful, I fear more the new problems I would face if I get a real job, working every weekday from 9 to 5, with no day off and practically no time to take care of my family.

We will see what the future holds.

Day Care

I has been a long time since I wrote on my blog.
Since my last post (September 17 2007), my life has completly changed.
First, Little Prince enrolled in a Day care center in October. Then, I found a part time job in November. My life has been hectic ever since. Not only do I face challenges in my new job, but I am fighting every day to keep my baby healthy and keep my husband happy, while trying to make a living.
All of these topics will be treated in details in follwing posts.
Today, I want to write about Baby Boy and his development since he joined W. Day Care.
Little Prince enrolled in W. Day Care in October. My husband and I spent more than 2 months doing research on several day care centers in our area but also next to my husband 's workplace. After visiting some places- some were creepy- we settled for a nice christian operated day care center/kindergarden some 15 minutes next to our place. The school is clean, well located but expensive.
The first days at school, I was expected to stay with Baby Boy so I could observe how he would interact with his teacher and his classmates. It was interesting to see how he would evolve in this new environment. Baby Boy seemed to enjoy himself,playing with the toys, discovering other human beings...It was a new challenge for him, particularly trying to sleep by himself during nap time.
For a week, I stayed with Baby Boy in the classroom, and I was dying with boredom. The second week, I left Baby Boy alone for some time, and I would keep on coming back. I heard him cry when he realized that I left him alone with strangers. And I would try not to stay away for too long. His teacher advised me to leave him there for good instead of coming and going. If I wanted him to adapt quickly, I had to let him be.
The first time I left him for several hours at the day care, I felt a pinch in my heart because I was abandonning my only child to people I did not know. How would they treat him? How will he react? I did not know. After a few minutes, all my fears disapeared when I began to enjoy some alone time at the Book shop next to the day care center. For the first time in a very long time, I could sit in the very comfortable sofa of the book shop, browsed some fashion magazines while sipping a latte without a baby trying to drink the latte, tear the pages of the magazines or just run around making noises. I was at peace and I loved it.
The more Baby Boy attended Day care, the more freedom I had to run around the city. I walked around in the neighborhood, discovering new shops. I took the bus just for a ride. I enjoy eating alone while reading a book. It was fun to be with no Baby to take care of for a few hours.
Baby Boy was doing fine in the day care center. He picked up good and bad habits. He became more social, trying his babytalk on us. He learned how to say hi and goodbye, and he would try it on everyone he sees. However, he became very irritable and excited, particularly when he got home from day care. He would be too hungry or too tired to be himself. He would throw tantrum or run around the house.
Nevertheless, the Day Care was a good idea. He enjoys it now. He is also developping some skills like talking, singing, "mimicking" (is it a skill?). Briefly, he is enjoying himself more at this day care than if he would stay at home with me. And I am enjoying myself more, knowing he is in good care there.