My people are big immigrants. They migrate to better horizons in order to find revenue that will help them provide for their entire family. In the past, only men went and stay abroad, leaving wives and children behind.
However, recently, those wives also migrated to join their husband to support them or to work as well. Parents knowing that a woman was worth a man, starting to let their daughters go abroad to take their chance at this game. This new form of migration caused serious social problems back home. One problem that draws my attention is the one concerning children.
Back home, the trend is for those women leaving and giving birth in foreign countries, to send their children back home to be raised by their grandparents. Babies as young as 3 months are "shipped" home because their mothers cannot take care of them and try to earn a living at the same time.
In my country, a new mother always have the help and support of her family starting with her own mother. If she is working and has little money, she can hire a maid to take care of the baby. But abroad, you are left alone. And hiring a maid is out of question if you are hoping to save some money. So what new mother do, they send their babies back home where everything is better and preferably cheaper.
I used to see new mothers, family members and friends doing the same. I used to judge them. I thought that it was too easy. After all it was your baby and you should take care of him,her.
After spending some time home, I became to change my mind. I realized that my Baby had bloomed in the short amount of time he spent with his extended family. He was smiling more, playing more, eating more...He even said his first word during our journey. He was a changed baby and this was not due to us his parents. Did he have more to gain living with his family back home or staying with his two parents?
There was not straight answer to this question. But what is sure is that:
1. Baby Boy is getting more and more attached to me.
2. I may never be able to work (or at least until he enrolls in kindergarten)
3. Little Prince needs his extended family
4. He may learn more by being with them than us
5. His extended family needs him as well
What should I do? Should I leave him back home, where he can get educated in the values of my country and my religion? And if ever I let him home, will I not miss him? Will he miss me? Will he forget me? Will his affection shift to another person? Will the bond that I work hard to build with him be broken?
I do not know....
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Back Home
For the holidays, we planned a trip back home to visit the family. Baby Boy was to meet his grandparents, uncles and aunts for the first time. We were excited to introduce him to his extended family but also to savour some rest well deserved.
Everyone at home welcomed the baby and treated him like he was a Sultan. Baby Boy was also happy to discover this new world around him. The more time he spent with his newly found family, the more he grew to like them....
Before the trip, I apprehended that Little Prince would not be able to mingle back home. I thought he would get sick with the change of weather, the insects, the dust and other factors that were unknown to him. But to my surprise, Baby Boy fit right in this new place...
For starter, Baby Boy ate all the food that his family, particularly his Grandmother- my Mother in Law- gave him to taste; from spicy rice to exotic fruit -not forgetting sodas- he devoured everything. Sometimes, it came to the point the we could not eat without him begging us for a taste. I was both happy and worried; Happy because it showed that even if Baby Boy was born abroad, he still loved his original country's dishes...Also it showed that he was growing up since he could process solid food. But I was worried this consumption of new food would cause some damage to his system. ( I was right to be worried because he developed some acne on his face probably caused by the oily rice)
Then, Baby Boy said his first words "Mama", "Baba". Just some days passed at home make him babble the wished words. I was so excited and happy. I was even mocking my husband because Baby Boy first word were "dedicated" to me. I was sure that the ability to express himself was further developed by listening to more people other than my husband and I talking. To my surprise, he was even singing along with my mother a Xmas carol-even though he was very out of tune- I was impressed.
But the most interesting thing was traditional and mystical dos and don't, my mothers-on both side- taught me. Little things that make a huge difference in the Baby's life. For example, I was never to cut the nails of Baby Boy for fear that he would become literally "someone that takes" (or a thief). Or, I should hold on to my Boy at dawn to protect him against the bad spirits.
I am a skeptical person myself and I pretend not to believe in mystic things. But it was hard not to believe in those things after seeing the changes it brought to Little Prince. For example, my baby used to wake up frightened in the middle of the night, sometimes even screaming. My mother in law recommended to put a metal bracelet on his left ankle. The day we did it, Baby Boy slept like an angel and did not wake up scared. I was blown away.
Going home is very hard for me since I got married. The reason lies in the fact that I have to pretend to be the best daughter in law, and have less opportunity to see my own family. Despite all that, I can see how going home is what is best for Little Prince. He is in his element there, surrounded by so many people who loves him. He has his Dad and I here, and we are doing our best, but didn't they say that is takes a village to raise a child?
Everyone at home welcomed the baby and treated him like he was a Sultan. Baby Boy was also happy to discover this new world around him. The more time he spent with his newly found family, the more he grew to like them....
Before the trip, I apprehended that Little Prince would not be able to mingle back home. I thought he would get sick with the change of weather, the insects, the dust and other factors that were unknown to him. But to my surprise, Baby Boy fit right in this new place...
For starter, Baby Boy ate all the food that his family, particularly his Grandmother- my Mother in Law- gave him to taste; from spicy rice to exotic fruit -not forgetting sodas- he devoured everything. Sometimes, it came to the point the we could not eat without him begging us for a taste. I was both happy and worried; Happy because it showed that even if Baby Boy was born abroad, he still loved his original country's dishes...Also it showed that he was growing up since he could process solid food. But I was worried this consumption of new food would cause some damage to his system. ( I was right to be worried because he developed some acne on his face probably caused by the oily rice)
Then, Baby Boy said his first words "Mama", "Baba". Just some days passed at home make him babble the wished words. I was so excited and happy. I was even mocking my husband because Baby Boy first word were "dedicated" to me. I was sure that the ability to express himself was further developed by listening to more people other than my husband and I talking. To my surprise, he was even singing along with my mother a Xmas carol-even though he was very out of tune- I was impressed.
But the most interesting thing was traditional and mystical dos and don't, my mothers-on both side- taught me. Little things that make a huge difference in the Baby's life. For example, I was never to cut the nails of Baby Boy for fear that he would become literally "someone that takes" (or a thief). Or, I should hold on to my Boy at dawn to protect him against the bad spirits.
I am a skeptical person myself and I pretend not to believe in mystic things. But it was hard not to believe in those things after seeing the changes it brought to Little Prince. For example, my baby used to wake up frightened in the middle of the night, sometimes even screaming. My mother in law recommended to put a metal bracelet on his left ankle. The day we did it, Baby Boy slept like an angel and did not wake up scared. I was blown away.
Going home is very hard for me since I got married. The reason lies in the fact that I have to pretend to be the best daughter in law, and have less opportunity to see my own family. Despite all that, I can see how going home is what is best for Little Prince. He is in his element there, surrounded by so many people who loves him. He has his Dad and I here, and we are doing our best, but didn't they say that is takes a village to raise a child?
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