Returning from a 3 months "vacation" back home, I had to catch up on all my shows. I had missed all the major season finales, and I desperately logged on online to check them out. There I was, the last month of my pregnancy, watching my favorite dramas online in the middle of the night. One of my all time favorite show: Private Practice had an extremely dramatic story line for the season finale. If you do not know, Private Practice is a spin off Grey's Anatomy. And in this show, doctors specialising in pediatrics, psychology, general medicine and fertility share a practice in LA. On the season finale, among other big issues, we find out that the fertility specialist switched embryos. She implemented one client's embryo into another woman and vice versa. The women were carrying each other children. No big deal, I thought at the beginning: they would just have to go on with the pregnancy and switch babies once they were born. But of course, knowing the show, I was sure that it would not be that easy; one of the women did not want to keep the baby, because she wanted to feel the pleasure of carrying her own child. Of course, at the end, after endless counseling, both ladies decided to go on with their pregnancies and switch the babies after their births. As always I was touched by this episode. I could not even begin to consider what I would do if I were in those women's shoes.
Today, as I was watching the news, I found out about a lady-Carolyn Savage who had someone else's embryo implemented in her. Usually, it is art imitating life, but here we had a case of life imitating art. However, this case is even worse because unlike the show, only Carolyn found herself pregnant. The woman who owned the eggs is not.
Carolyn Savage and her family have decided to go through with the pregnancy. After delivering, she will give the baby to the biological parents, knowing that she cannot legally have custody. However, she says that she will always feel connected to this child and hope to become part of his life.
As a person who just delivered her second child recently, I cannot imagine what pain Carolyn will be in, once she sees that human life that was growing inside of her, being swept away and given to some other family. I hope she is strong enough not to have a meltdown. I know I would have freaked if I were at her place. Whether she liked it or not, during all the months of her pregnancy, a bond was created between her and the baby she is carrying. And it will be hard for her to severe this relationship. I can already imagine her having a severe case of postpartum depression.
In today's world, more and more people are challenged when it comes to conceiving children naturally. And more and more of them turn to fertility clinics to conceive naturally. It is time and money consuming to go through a fertility clinic. And from what I learned, it also takes an emotional toll on those people. Therefore, it is the doctor's duty to make sure that mistakes such as this one do not happen.
Error is human. Doctors are human and we cannot expect them to be perfect all the time. They are not GOD, even though in a way they are playing being GOD. I do not want to enter into a debate about whether or not it is morally wrong for doctors to implant embryos in women. I think that it is hard for any woman who has a dream of having children, to be told that she may be challenged. And I guess, any determined woman would do anything (within the law) to get pregnant. I sincerely cannot blame her. Yet, there are obstacles that she may face when she chose to take this path. And this case proves it. Therefore, she should be emotionally prepare to deal with the worse case scenario.
What is in the future of Carolyn Savage? Only GOD knows. I just hope that she has a safe delivery, and that her family and the unborn baby's family together find a solution to this issue that will be good for all of them.
Check out the first part of Private Practice season finale (when both ladies discovered that their embryos had been switched)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SIfw-C0iKE&feature=related
For more info about Private Practice, go to http://abc.go.com/shows/private-practice
Read the article about Carolyn Savage's story
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/22/wrong.embryo.family/index.html
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Frugal Shopping
Since my first child was born, my husband used to buy him clothes. Whenever I felt that my boy needed some new clothes, I would tell my hubby and we would both go shopping usually at Ross (my favorite shop in the entire world, where you get designer clothes for less). When I started working and making my own money, I would not wait for my husband. I would hop into my car and get to shop either at Ross, Walmart, Target or Old Navy for some nice clothes.
Recently, I had to stop working and went back home during my second pregnancy. And for a while, my husband stayed in the US and took care of our son alone. Before they both left home for the States, I advised my husband that Little Prince would probably need some new clothes soon. Weeks later, I enquired of his shopping over the phone. I was surprised to discover that he had an entire new wardrobe for the rest of the summer and beginning of winter for Little Prince. I was even more surprised when he told me that he got everything at the nearest Goodwill Center.
For those who do not know what a Goodwill center is, let me explain. Goodwill is a charity based company. They have stores all over the country where you can donate items such as clothing, furniture, books. Those items are recycled and sold for a very affordable price. I discovered Goodwill at random. Being a constant shopper, I had accumulated clothes that I did not need anymore. Therefore I gave them away at the nearest Goodwill. But while I did that I also noticed that the shop itself offered some very interesting pieces. And ever since that day, I would stop by the Goodwill from time to time to check it out. I also introduced it to my husband who was thrilled at the idea of shopping for less.
My husband is not a frugal person. Yet he is not a big spender either. He uses his money wisely and buy things reasonably. I am a compulsive shopper myself. I usually buy things that I want instead of things that I need. Therefore I think we balance each other out. Nevertheless, I was surprised when he told me that for our second son he would not go shopping to places we have been in the past (Ross to mention a few). Instead, he would get him clothes at the Goodwill. I felt terrible. Not only was my second son going to wear the hand me downs of his brother, but he was not even going to get brand new clothes. I felt like we were robbing him of something special. I immediately starting to think about how he would feel in the future when he discovered that we did not spend as much on him as his older brother. That could cause serious self-esteem problem. That is why I rebelled against my husband, and went shopping at Walmart. (I would have gone to Ross or Target but since I do not have a car anymore, I am very limited. Besides, Walmart is just in front of our apartment complex) I bought my second son-BTW, I should find him a nickname since Little Prince and Baby Boy have been taken by my first child-
- 2 hooded towels with matching washcloths
- 2 nightgowns
- 1 Winnie the Pooh gift bag with a onesie, 2 receiving blankets, one changing pad, and a bag.
The whole thing cost me $40. As I checked out at the Walmart, I was hesitating between taking these clothes home or just returning them. But I finally decided to keep them. They were cute clothes and most importantly they were brand new.
The same week, my husband took me to his favorite Goodwill just to give me an idea of how many items we could get our second son for a very affordable price. We were just supposed to look but we both could not resist shopping. We found several good quality pieces for practically nothing. I am talking about brand clothes that would cost you a hand if you were to buy them at shops, such as the Children's place, or the Gap. After hours of checking them out, we finally limited ourselves to the following:
- 2 overalls
- 2 heavy receiving blankets
- 1 hooded towel
- 1 pullover
- 1 set of coat and pants
The whole thing cost us barely $16.
I could not help but regretting spending an entire $40 at the Walmart when my husband handed me the receipt of the Goodwill. For just $16 I had found really great pieces, some of them even brand new. Imagine what I could have done with $40?
The bottom line is that children (particularly babies) outgrow their clothes in seconds. Therefore, there is no need to buy a lot of expensive clothes that they just wear once or twice. And in this economy, shopping at recycling places such as the Goodwill is becoming our best ally. And I am not ashamed to say it. My sons are still having the best clothes, we are just paying less for them.
Info about Goodwill
http://www.goodwill.org/page/guest/about
Info about Ross
http://rossstores.com/
Recently, I had to stop working and went back home during my second pregnancy. And for a while, my husband stayed in the US and took care of our son alone. Before they both left home for the States, I advised my husband that Little Prince would probably need some new clothes soon. Weeks later, I enquired of his shopping over the phone. I was surprised to discover that he had an entire new wardrobe for the rest of the summer and beginning of winter for Little Prince. I was even more surprised when he told me that he got everything at the nearest Goodwill Center.
For those who do not know what a Goodwill center is, let me explain. Goodwill is a charity based company. They have stores all over the country where you can donate items such as clothing, furniture, books. Those items are recycled and sold for a very affordable price. I discovered Goodwill at random. Being a constant shopper, I had accumulated clothes that I did not need anymore. Therefore I gave them away at the nearest Goodwill. But while I did that I also noticed that the shop itself offered some very interesting pieces. And ever since that day, I would stop by the Goodwill from time to time to check it out. I also introduced it to my husband who was thrilled at the idea of shopping for less.
My husband is not a frugal person. Yet he is not a big spender either. He uses his money wisely and buy things reasonably. I am a compulsive shopper myself. I usually buy things that I want instead of things that I need. Therefore I think we balance each other out. Nevertheless, I was surprised when he told me that for our second son he would not go shopping to places we have been in the past (Ross to mention a few). Instead, he would get him clothes at the Goodwill. I felt terrible. Not only was my second son going to wear the hand me downs of his brother, but he was not even going to get brand new clothes. I felt like we were robbing him of something special. I immediately starting to think about how he would feel in the future when he discovered that we did not spend as much on him as his older brother. That could cause serious self-esteem problem. That is why I rebelled against my husband, and went shopping at Walmart. (I would have gone to Ross or Target but since I do not have a car anymore, I am very limited. Besides, Walmart is just in front of our apartment complex) I bought my second son-BTW, I should find him a nickname since Little Prince and Baby Boy have been taken by my first child-
- 2 hooded towels with matching washcloths
- 2 nightgowns
- 1 Winnie the Pooh gift bag with a onesie, 2 receiving blankets, one changing pad, and a bag.
The whole thing cost me $40. As I checked out at the Walmart, I was hesitating between taking these clothes home or just returning them. But I finally decided to keep them. They were cute clothes and most importantly they were brand new.
The same week, my husband took me to his favorite Goodwill just to give me an idea of how many items we could get our second son for a very affordable price. We were just supposed to look but we both could not resist shopping. We found several good quality pieces for practically nothing. I am talking about brand clothes that would cost you a hand if you were to buy them at shops, such as the Children's place, or the Gap. After hours of checking them out, we finally limited ourselves to the following:
- 2 overalls
- 2 heavy receiving blankets
- 1 hooded towel
- 1 pullover
- 1 set of coat and pants
The whole thing cost us barely $16.
I could not help but regretting spending an entire $40 at the Walmart when my husband handed me the receipt of the Goodwill. For just $16 I had found really great pieces, some of them even brand new. Imagine what I could have done with $40?
The bottom line is that children (particularly babies) outgrow their clothes in seconds. Therefore, there is no need to buy a lot of expensive clothes that they just wear once or twice. And in this economy, shopping at recycling places such as the Goodwill is becoming our best ally. And I am not ashamed to say it. My sons are still having the best clothes, we are just paying less for them.
Info about Goodwill
http://www.goodwill.org/page/guest/about
Info about Ross
http://rossstores.com/
Thursday, September 03, 2009
I am not Heidi Klum, yet I....
In 2006, Parenting Magazine in their yearly edition of Stinky Diaper Award (as the name say it all, they give stinky award-bad award to celebrities or people they believe had been bad parents or not supportive of pregnant women or mothers during the year)gave model Heidi Klum the Mutant Metabolism award for being able to strut her newly flat stomach and slimmed down body on the Victoria Secret catwalk barely 12 weeks after giving birth to her son.
Judge for yourself: before and after pictures of Heidi Klum
The magazine felt that it was nothing short of a miracle that Heidi Klum regained her model figure so fast.
Being a huge fan of Heidi Klum ( sometimes I wished I had her life: sexy hubby, fabulous career and wonderful kids, what more can you ask for?), I was a little put off by the article. The magazine was judging her for being superficial and sending the wrong message to normal mothers out there: to have to be back in shape just after giving birth. Yet, I understand that for Heidi Klum it is important to stay in shape to keep on being a model past her thirty years of age, to compete with the 12 years old that surface every year and want to take her place. Moreover, her body is her paycheck therefore she needs to be hot whether she had a baby or not. I am not mad at her for having this fabulous figure because I am sure she just killed herself working out, and cutting on food to be this gorgeous.
Celebrities like Heidi Klum are always pressured to look good at all times, even if they are pregnant. They represent a dream to normal people, and to keep this dream, they have to work hard to get back in shape after giving birth. Most of them do not really say that they workout and diet hard to get back in shape because they want people to still have the illusion that they are perfect. They all look gorgeous barely weeks after giving birth. They are putting the bar too high for us normal mothers who do not have personal trainers, personal chefs and nannies to help us out.
As far as I am concerned, I do not follow the celebrities. I understand that we are not the same so I cannot put myself on the same level and try to get back in shape barely weeks after I give birth. In fact, the first time I had a baby, I was so overwhelmed at how much work I had to put to take care of my child, that I did not think about getting back in shape. Before delivering, it occured to me that I probably would have to exercise once the baby is born, but I put this thought in the back of my mind as soon as the baby came. And something wonderful happened to me: I began to loose weight naturally. I did not work out, I did not diet. On the contrary, I was eating like crazy and not necessarily healthy food. And in less than 2 months, I was down to 4 dress sizes. My clothes were so baggy I had to buy new ones. And a week after purchasing a new fitted jean, it became too big for me to wear without a belt. My secret: I was breastfeeding. For 6 months, I exclusively breastfed my first son. Occasionally (particularly when we were out of the house), I would offer him a bottle of soy milk. But most of the time, he would feed off my breast. Each time a woman breastfeed, she looses 500 Cal; an average newborn will breastfeed 6 to 8 times a day, so do the maths. Ok! I will do it for you: you can loose 4000 Cal a day. Considering that a normal woman calorie intake per day is between 1500 to 2000Cal, you loose a lot if you do not eat more. I could not eat more than I was eating. Hell, at the rate I was eating, I consider myself a bulimic. At one point I was thinner than I have ever been in my life. I was so skinny that when I took a picture of myself and sent it to my mother, she burst into tears. She imagined that I was miserable. In fact I was so skinny that I have lost my signature butt. As far as I could remember, I was known as the butt just like Jlo. I hated it but I had learned to live with it (most of the time hiding it by wearing long tunics over jeans). But that butt of mine had disappeared and my hubby was not really happy about it.
Was in shape? I cannot tell. I know I did not have the abs of Heidi Klum. My stomach was not flat. I still had a little bulge down there but everywhere else I was growing small muscles. My arms were getting closer to Jennifer Anniston's for lifting my baby every day all the day. That was the only exercise that I had, and it was fine with me.
Was I happy about my new figure? I cannot say. I did love the fact that I was skinny enough to fit in size 6 jeans, but I did not have the luxury to go shopping for new clothes as often as I would like. I was a stay at home mother, therefore I did not need a new wardrobe. However, I did not like the pity look I received from family and friends who saw me after I lost so much weight. You have to understand that in my country gaining weight is synonymous of being happy and rich and loosing is equivalent to being depressed, miserable. In fact, they all thought that I was deeply overwhelmed and in need of help with my son.
Was I overwhelmed? Maybe. I remember spending my days, taking care of my son, watching TV, checking the Internet and waiting for hubby to come home to take me out. I was doing OK but maybe not as much as I thought. I wanted to work so badly and leave the nest. I realised that I did not like to be a housewife or stay at home mother. I wanted to work, wear corporate clothes, drive a car, have my own money and spend it the way I wanted. And when I realised that this dream of mine would not happen anytime soon, I became depressed and did not even noticed it. I guess the first sign was me shaving my head. I grew tired of my old tresses and shaved the whole thing. The new hairstyle was easy to maintain and in a way cute. And I had a wig to cover it all when I felt it necessary. Overall, I guess I was depressed but I was also in severe denial. You have to understand that I bear it upon myself to take care of my son all alone, and to cry out for help would be an equivalent of saying that I was a failure as a new mother.
But to come back to our subject: I was happy to discover that I did not need to work out like Heidi to get back in shape. Breastfeeding save me. Yet the only problem with it is that as soon as I weaned the baby I gained all the pre-pregnancy weight back. Well it did not happen overnight. It took me 6 months to gain it all back and some more. Truly I think that weaning did not do it by itself. I also had change my lifestyle: I was working at a desk job now, driving and eating junk food all the time. So, it is understandable that I gained weight.
I hope that this time, breastfeeding would bring the same miracle to my body that it did the first time I gave birth. Because frankly I am tired enough taking care of my newborn and family to even think about working out. Eventually some day, when I find the energy and time, I would like to exercise (I may start with walking around my apartment complex) because as I am getting older, my body definitely needs a big boost. Moreover, it is important not to let myself go this time around. The first time I did it. Being a stay at home mother, I felt like I did not need to take care of myself and my relationship with my husband suffered (let us just stay that my shaved head was a big turnoff). This time around, I swear that even if I cannot get back in shape, I will try to at least be beautiful because after all, (they do not say it at loud for fear of being physically hurt)but men do like a little flower to look at once they arrive home from a long day at work (so cliche it makes me cringe). Nevertheless, I would be doing it for myself at first, because by looking pretty and pampering myself, I will feel good. And by feeling good, I can chase the blues and mood swings away. Being a mother does not mean that I have to become a slob. I owe it to myself to look and feel great. Maybe Heidi is getting back in shape for the fame and money, but deep down inside I reckon she also does it because she wants to feel great. So she does not deserve a stinky diaper for doing so.
Parenting Mgazine 2006 Stinky Diaper Award
http://www.parenting.com/gallery/Mom/Stinky-Diaper-Awards-2006-97054/5/4
Judge for yourself: before and after pictures of Heidi Klum
The magazine felt that it was nothing short of a miracle that Heidi Klum regained her model figure so fast.
Being a huge fan of Heidi Klum ( sometimes I wished I had her life: sexy hubby, fabulous career and wonderful kids, what more can you ask for?), I was a little put off by the article. The magazine was judging her for being superficial and sending the wrong message to normal mothers out there: to have to be back in shape just after giving birth. Yet, I understand that for Heidi Klum it is important to stay in shape to keep on being a model past her thirty years of age, to compete with the 12 years old that surface every year and want to take her place. Moreover, her body is her paycheck therefore she needs to be hot whether she had a baby or not. I am not mad at her for having this fabulous figure because I am sure she just killed herself working out, and cutting on food to be this gorgeous.
Celebrities like Heidi Klum are always pressured to look good at all times, even if they are pregnant. They represent a dream to normal people, and to keep this dream, they have to work hard to get back in shape after giving birth. Most of them do not really say that they workout and diet hard to get back in shape because they want people to still have the illusion that they are perfect. They all look gorgeous barely weeks after giving birth. They are putting the bar too high for us normal mothers who do not have personal trainers, personal chefs and nannies to help us out.
As far as I am concerned, I do not follow the celebrities. I understand that we are not the same so I cannot put myself on the same level and try to get back in shape barely weeks after I give birth. In fact, the first time I had a baby, I was so overwhelmed at how much work I had to put to take care of my child, that I did not think about getting back in shape. Before delivering, it occured to me that I probably would have to exercise once the baby is born, but I put this thought in the back of my mind as soon as the baby came. And something wonderful happened to me: I began to loose weight naturally. I did not work out, I did not diet. On the contrary, I was eating like crazy and not necessarily healthy food. And in less than 2 months, I was down to 4 dress sizes. My clothes were so baggy I had to buy new ones. And a week after purchasing a new fitted jean, it became too big for me to wear without a belt. My secret: I was breastfeeding. For 6 months, I exclusively breastfed my first son. Occasionally (particularly when we were out of the house), I would offer him a bottle of soy milk. But most of the time, he would feed off my breast. Each time a woman breastfeed, she looses 500 Cal; an average newborn will breastfeed 6 to 8 times a day, so do the maths. Ok! I will do it for you: you can loose 4000 Cal a day. Considering that a normal woman calorie intake per day is between 1500 to 2000Cal, you loose a lot if you do not eat more. I could not eat more than I was eating. Hell, at the rate I was eating, I consider myself a bulimic. At one point I was thinner than I have ever been in my life. I was so skinny that when I took a picture of myself and sent it to my mother, she burst into tears. She imagined that I was miserable. In fact I was so skinny that I have lost my signature butt. As far as I could remember, I was known as the butt just like Jlo. I hated it but I had learned to live with it (most of the time hiding it by wearing long tunics over jeans). But that butt of mine had disappeared and my hubby was not really happy about it.
Was in shape? I cannot tell. I know I did not have the abs of Heidi Klum. My stomach was not flat. I still had a little bulge down there but everywhere else I was growing small muscles. My arms were getting closer to Jennifer Anniston's for lifting my baby every day all the day. That was the only exercise that I had, and it was fine with me.
Was I happy about my new figure? I cannot say. I did love the fact that I was skinny enough to fit in size 6 jeans, but I did not have the luxury to go shopping for new clothes as often as I would like. I was a stay at home mother, therefore I did not need a new wardrobe. However, I did not like the pity look I received from family and friends who saw me after I lost so much weight. You have to understand that in my country gaining weight is synonymous of being happy and rich and loosing is equivalent to being depressed, miserable. In fact, they all thought that I was deeply overwhelmed and in need of help with my son.
Was I overwhelmed? Maybe. I remember spending my days, taking care of my son, watching TV, checking the Internet and waiting for hubby to come home to take me out. I was doing OK but maybe not as much as I thought. I wanted to work so badly and leave the nest. I realised that I did not like to be a housewife or stay at home mother. I wanted to work, wear corporate clothes, drive a car, have my own money and spend it the way I wanted. And when I realised that this dream of mine would not happen anytime soon, I became depressed and did not even noticed it. I guess the first sign was me shaving my head. I grew tired of my old tresses and shaved the whole thing. The new hairstyle was easy to maintain and in a way cute. And I had a wig to cover it all when I felt it necessary. Overall, I guess I was depressed but I was also in severe denial. You have to understand that I bear it upon myself to take care of my son all alone, and to cry out for help would be an equivalent of saying that I was a failure as a new mother.
But to come back to our subject: I was happy to discover that I did not need to work out like Heidi to get back in shape. Breastfeeding save me. Yet the only problem with it is that as soon as I weaned the baby I gained all the pre-pregnancy weight back. Well it did not happen overnight. It took me 6 months to gain it all back and some more. Truly I think that weaning did not do it by itself. I also had change my lifestyle: I was working at a desk job now, driving and eating junk food all the time. So, it is understandable that I gained weight.
I hope that this time, breastfeeding would bring the same miracle to my body that it did the first time I gave birth. Because frankly I am tired enough taking care of my newborn and family to even think about working out. Eventually some day, when I find the energy and time, I would like to exercise (I may start with walking around my apartment complex) because as I am getting older, my body definitely needs a big boost. Moreover, it is important not to let myself go this time around. The first time I did it. Being a stay at home mother, I felt like I did not need to take care of myself and my relationship with my husband suffered (let us just stay that my shaved head was a big turnoff). This time around, I swear that even if I cannot get back in shape, I will try to at least be beautiful because after all, (they do not say it at loud for fear of being physically hurt)but men do like a little flower to look at once they arrive home from a long day at work (so cliche it makes me cringe). Nevertheless, I would be doing it for myself at first, because by looking pretty and pampering myself, I will feel good. And by feeling good, I can chase the blues and mood swings away. Being a mother does not mean that I have to become a slob. I owe it to myself to look and feel great. Maybe Heidi is getting back in shape for the fame and money, but deep down inside I reckon she also does it because she wants to feel great. So she does not deserve a stinky diaper for doing so.
Parenting Mgazine 2006 Stinky Diaper Award
http://www.parenting.com/gallery/Mom/Stinky-Diaper-Awards-2006-97054/5/4
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