Last Monday, on my way to work, I received a phone call from my child’s daycare. My son was having a fever and I was supposed to pick him up. I was upset. This could not happen at a better time. Just last week, my supervisor was urging me to bring in more results. She did not say that she wanted to fire me but she mentioned that it seemed pointless to pay me if I was doing nothing.
Therefore, imagine how I felt when just 5 seconds after my arrival at work, I had to tell her that I must leave. Certainly, it was an emergency and she would understand. However, the look she gave me said otherwise. I was so frustrated that I started to cry.
Eventually, I went to pick my baby up. He was very hot and sleepy; not his usual self. On my way home, I called his pediatrician to make an appointment, picked some food, and called my other supervisor to let her know that I would miss a day of work.
Upon arrival at home, I ate with my son, watched some TV and settle him to take a late nap. Then, finally alone, I got to think about being a working mother.
Before working, I was a stay at home mother. Everyday, I would do the same thing: wake up, feed my child, do some chores, watch TV, prepare lunch and or dinner, take a nap with my son, watch some more TV and if the weather was nice, take a walk outside. It was my routine. I was getting very bored. Every time, I looked outside and saw some woman wearing working clothes and getting into her car, I was envious. I could not wait to get out there, to start working. Let us just say, that I realized that I was not the housewife type.
When my son turned 15 months, we enrolled him in a day care not far from my house. At the beginning, he would just be there between the hours of 9:00 AM to 2:00 PM. The first two days, I stayed with him so he would not have anxiety. And after a week, I could leave him with his teachers and new classmates without a problem. I started to realize that I was free again. I went out using the bus. I went shopping at Target, checked out a local bookstore, had my hair done. It was such a delight to be able to do what I wanted to for a couple of hours. Things started to get crazy when my husband bought himself a new car and lent me the SUV. I was able to “travel” easier around town. Although driving was a new thing for me, I was bold enough to go explore beyond my comfort zone. And it was such a delight.
However, I was also using my new found freedom wisely. I began to job hunt. Everyday, I would spend hours in front of the computer, trying to respond to ads. I went to several interviews, with no success. I was getting frustrated but did not give up. I intended to find myself a good job. My problem was that I limited myself in the job hunt. I was looking for something I would probably be good at, with a good salary, and flexible hours or a 9 to 5 schedule without overtime or weekends. I wanted to be able to work but at the same time, still be able to take care of my family.
2 months after my son started school, I finally found a job I thought to be ideal: it was a part time coordinating job at an apartment complex. I had several tasks to accomplish every month. I was very excited about the job because it seemed to be something I would be good at and the pay was very good. And the fact that I was working part time and setting my own hours was a plus.
1 year and 4 months later, I want out. The job is more demanding that I thought it would be. The money is not enough for the amount of work and the frustration I deal with every day. And the people I work for are extremely inconsiderate and ungrateful. There was plenty of time when I just wanted to quit. Then, I reminded myself that I did not have anything else to do if I quit. Plus, I was getting used to having a paycheck at the end of the month, even if it was small. And believe me, when you are used to something, it is hard to let it go.
The hardest part of the job was that even though it was part time, I did not have time to take care of my family like I should do. Very often, I was so consumed by it that I could not relax and concentrate on being there for my husband or son. And it would be worse, when my son would fall sick.
My son being sick was like a slap across the face. I would take it personally. I would feel that his cold would be a result of me not making him wear heavier clothes; or that I did not cook a nutritious meal; or that I did not make sure he would get his 12 hours of sleep. I was blaming myself for not being a good mother. In my world, something wrong happens to the kid, I was to blame.
And that is exactly what happened this time. During the drive to pick him up from daycare, all I could think about was that I knew he was not feeling like himself in the morning, yet I took him to school. I thought he was just being cranky when in reality he had an ear infection- the doc told me the following day-. In the back of my mind, I was also thinking about how I was going to make it without being fired at work with all this illness. Because, I knew for a fact that not only would I not be able to work on Monday, but there was a high possibility that Tuesday was out of the question as well. What was I to do? And why on earth, did this all fall on me on such trying times?
2 days of staying at home, nurturing my kid, I calmed down. I actually had some great time staying at home with him. We watched TV, played with “Playdoh”, ate lunch together, and had a nap together. It was just like the old days when he was younger. I realized that being a stay at home mother was not bad after all. You stay away from all the stress of driving, and working. You just take care of your house and your family. It was not so bad after all.
Nevertheless, I still do not want to be a housewife. I like my freedom too much to just stay at home everyday. I like going out, doing things, and spending money. I like to work-even though my job is not what I would have picked for myself. I like the fact that I can make my own money. I do not want to depend on my husband. He is great but the world has taught me depending solely on a man to get by can become a dangerous path. I want to be able to provide for my child and myself. Plus, I am not the best housewife out there. That is why I like to be a working mother with all the hurdles, sacrifices, and pains that come with it.
Last week, I met with a neighbor outside of her apartment. Although she invited me to her apartment several times, I did not have the guts to go there. We had some things in common: she had children the same age as my son, and she used to live in my country. Anyway, that day we just chatted. She wanted to know if I liked working. I said that I enjoyed having the freedom to do so but that my job was not great. She said that she could not wait to find a good daycare for both of her kids and finally work. I could understand her frustration. I have been there and done that. She had 2 sons under the age of 3. She tried enrolling the older on to a daycare, but his experience was so bad that she had to pull him out. So now she had a nanny who was coming every weekday from 9 to 5. I knew about her nanny, having seeing her around from time to time. And she seemed so good with the kids that I always wanted to ask her about her rates just in case, Abou’s school was becoming too expensive. So imagine my surprise when my neighbor told me that her nanny was costing her $3000 every month. My jaw just dropped after hearing this.
After the chat, I went home thinking several things:
First of all, how could they afford $3000 every month on a nanny in these economic times? My son daycare was $780 every month. And I felt that it was way too much. I remember that when it was at $500, my mother in law told me that I should better send my son to her and let her raise him for way less. But back then it was not an option for me to abandon my child to his grandparents. It is still not. I know there are several other places that do way less, but after seeing baby boy adapt to his environment and getting attached to his teachers and classmates, I did not have the heart to move him.
Second, I was thinking that this nanny was making more than I did, actually she was making three times more. I could not help but feel jealous. I am sure her job is hard. It is no walk in the park for anyone who takes care of children because it is their duty or their job. Being a mother, I know that. However, I am sure that I should be paid much more for dealing with the brats I take care of on a daily basis.
Third, if ever hiring a nanny was on my to do list for the next months, knowing what they are paid, there is no way I could afford one now, or never. I mean putting $3000 a month on a nanny is just a waste of money. I could easily go home and have a nanny, a maid, a chauffeur, a cook, and even have some left with $3000.
I do not know anything about my neighbor, a part from what she divulged to me. And I do not want to judge her. I know it is hard being a mother of 2 children under the age of 2. Hell I have only one and I am suffering. So I can imagine her pain and why she felt the need to hire a nanny for $3000 a month. Maybe, for her and her husband, it is the price to pay to have a piece of mind, to be stable. I know that with only one child and no help whatsoever except daycare, I sometimes feel like I am having a meltdown. I just wish I had the money and the opportunity to hire help when I needed one. That is all.
