I got a job. Hoorray!!!
I should jump up and down, and thank GOD (and believe me I did!). After several months of disappointing job hunting I finally found the dream job: part time, the pay is not so bad, I get to work with children, and I get to choose my own hours.
Well, I was excited at first. Then problems started to pile up. First I realized that the position was not as flexible as I thought it to be. Then I figured that it was very demanding. And to top it all, my family suffered at the beginning.
Fisrt, for a part time job, I was really working full time. Moreover, I was being paid peanuts. Since I am very disorganized, I had to take time every day to do my job at home. My husband was not very happy about it, because all my attention was on the computer and not on him. He became frustrated. Worst of all, I did not see how bad he was feeling until he made a scene a month after I started working.
My husband being unhappy, I could cope with it. Do not get me wrong, I do care about him and his feeling, but he is a grown up. He would eventually get over it. But, I could not handle seeing my Baby suffering from my new job.
When I started working, I thought that I did not need to change the day care hours of my baby.But a month after starting the job, I was urged to put more hours at work. As a result, I eventually enrolled Little Prince full time ( the Day care did not have an hourly based rate or drop off system).
The shift was not very swift. Baby Boy suffered a lot. He became more irritable when we arrived at home at 6, too hungry to focus on anything else than throwing tantrums. Then, he started to get ill. What began as a simple cold, moved on to ear infection, then eye infection. We were going to see his doctor every week. The medical bills were piling up. I was so emotionally tired , that I almost quit. I was crying, and telling myself that it was the best for Baby Boy, knowing fully well that quitting this job-even though it was not the best job-was not a smart move for the following reasons. First, if I quit, I would forever resent Little Prince. I would stay at home with him and be angry at him every day. Who knows, I could even start to abuse him. Second, if I quit this job, what would I say to my future eventual employer in an interview? "I quit my former job after one month, because I could not juggle being a mother and working". How would he trust me and employ me?
What I did, is sucking all up (with help and advice from my husband). I got organized. I made diverse and stomach filling dishes for Little Prince to eat at lunch time. I relied heavily on snacks he enjoys such as fruits and cookies. I decided to keep him some mornings at home to have lunch with me -since I only start working in the afternoon. Basically, I made more effort, to ensure his well being.
Things are getting better now. Thank GOD. My entire family is used to me working. Father and Son enjoy some time alone when I work on saturdays. And I like my job.
Despites all of the hurdles, I am thinking of getting a better position in a different field for the future. I need to earn more, and save for my future children and my pension. I also need to have an important job, just to make me feel more fulfilled. I have not started looking for a job, because I dread the process. To be truthful, I fear more the new problems I would face if I get a real job, working every weekday from 9 to 5, with no day off and practically no time to take care of my family.
We will see what the future holds.
