For many years, it used to be me and my husband. We would spend our weekdays separately, him working and me studying. At night, we would share our routine of dining in front of the T.V. and discuss the events of the day. The weekends were moments for us to enjoy the outside world, strolling by the sea, biking in our neighborhood or enjoying shopping in the mall. It used to be the two of us and although I was happy, I felt something was missing...
Now, Little Prince is here. He filled the blank in my life. He is my joy, my pride, my second love. He is more than my second love; he is my Love.
He is replacing my husband in almost all levels and I think it is becoming serious. He takes the space my hubby used to lay in next to me in bed. He holds on me tight at night. He showers with me, enjoying the water falling down on our naked bodies. He is the one who smiles at me, and does not run from my kisses. He lets me hug him, and touch him without shying away.
I stopped kissing, hugging, being intimate with my husband. It is not that I wanted to stop; it is just that the routine of taking care of my baby is getting to me. I am so tired sometimes that the idea of being intimate does not cross my mind. Or when it does cross my mind, my hubby is busy with something else, or sleepy himself. So I transfer all the intimacy I need to my baby. Do not get me wrong, I am not referring to sex, but intimacy.
I never really been the hugging, cuddly type of person. I avoided touching people for as long as I remember. When I was in high school, I attended a boarding school. When I came home for holidays, my mother expected me to kiss her to greet her, but I rarely could do it. I never kissed or hugged my own brothers. And it was always difficult to become intimate with new boyfriends.
I love to hug and cuddle but it is just hard for me to do it. The fear of being rejected is so present inside of me that I prefer to be cold than attempt to hug or kiss someone even my own husband. (Thank GOD, he is getting used to it and as a solution to this issue, he is kissing and hugging me instead)
Everything is different with Little Prince. I can hug him and kiss him without fearing a rejection because he is so little. He can wiggle his way out of my hugs but he can never go too far from me. And now that he is getting to know me a little better, he is actually "running" to get some hugs and kisses from me. He even hugs me back which is the best feeling ever. I do not have to fear rejection because I know he needs me more than anything else in the world. He does not know it or understand it yet but for now, I am his Love.
